Had an awful few days so have just joined this group.
Have had an issue with online gambling on and off for a few years ...go through phases of having a splurge ..spend a bit ,lose, panic, spend more ,lose, panic even more ..desperate to try and get back what I've lost etc etc, I'm sure you all know what I mean.
About a month ago I lost desperately, about £1000. I am not well off .. a single mum of 3 living in my overdraft. I actually got lucky on my last desperate attempt to win some money back and got almost nearly all the xxx I'd spent back again. Oh the relief and joy. I had promised myself I would stop there if I was to win it back so I kept to my word and out of pure relief I stopped. Until a couple of days ago.
It crept into my mind ..." I won xxx back before so if I lose I can just win it back again.. " 😞😞
I have now lost all the 1000 again and more . The last few days have been agony - desperation , feeling sick , rapid breathing, no sleep , not being mentally there for my little daughter . I had enough today and banned myself from the sites that I was going mad on. A bit of relief I guess , some weight of my shoulders.
But I'm heartbroken I've done it again and lost all that money - money that I didn't even have as it was from my overdraft ,and out of desperation I have applied for a stupid payday loan which will put me in more debt. But otherwise I won't cope.
I hate the miserable life it gives , and I hope and pray I can carry on this time and somehow get over the fact that I've lost all that.
Good luck to all who are in the same boat.
Firstly I just want to say you're not alone in this. Many of us have been in exactly the same place you are in now. For years I new I had a serious problem. I even posted on this site when it first started out all those years ago looking for some relief. It was the darkest time of my life and I came very close to ending it all.
I new once I placed a bet it was game over for me. But my real problem was I couldn't stop myself placing the first bet. It was easy for me to understand that if I didn't put a bet on, I wouldn't end off rinsing my bank account. I new the first bet led to the second, third forth and so on untill I cleared out all my accounts.
In this respect stopping wasn't my problem it was my inability to stop myself from starting up again. If I could stop myself from starting up again I new I could break the cycle.
Thankfully I found some one to teach me how to integrate the 12 step recovery program into my life. Today as a result I've a life beyond anything I could have ever imagined when gambling. I'm married with an amazing wife. I own my home and have a good job. When I was gambling I had nothing. I didn't even have the will to live. I thought my case was far to complex and I would never live my life free from gambling. Thankfully I was wrong. You too can have the life you deserve. You are worth it. Maybe GA can help. Take care of yourself and good luck
Hi Callie,
I can imagine how you must be feeling right now, I have been in the same boat many times. I know once I start, I won't stop. I say only £50 and that turns in to 2k.
Its so hard, BUT it's very important to cut your losses, tomorrow's a new day mindset, and work to getting that money replaced over time, which you will.
I would strongly advise you to download the 'GamBan' software on to your electronic device - this will stop you being able to access any gambling website, even when urges strike. I have tried to get around it and it's impossible.
Do you have any family or friends you can speak to about this? Sometimes talking can help. My friends have definitely helped me in the past.
If you ever need help, contact Gamcare via chat or phone. There is always someone there to listen. I wish you the best of look with your journey to becoming gamble free.
Steve
@6uslnfeiok Thankyou so much.
You are so right regarding the problem of starting up again, this is what I dread - a few weeks down the line when the awful feelings reside a little , and the temptation creeps in again.
But reading your story is so reassuring and positive - I'm glad you fought that awful place and have reached a happy and secure place , and thankful that you are using your experiences towards helping others.
You are proof that we can come out the other side - Thankyou.
@d381jr6l7t Hi , Thankyou for taking the time to reply. It really helped me today when I thought of how much I'd lost - what you said about accepting it -a new day, a new mindset.
I am lucky I do have a close family , I just haven't spoken to them about this. Maybe I will - it's just scary , I'm not sure if they would understand not going through it themselves.
This is the first time I have spoken to anyone about it.
My dad (unfortunately he's not with us anymore) had a gambling addiction - he died leaving £250,000 debt. He did most of it on the quiet, I'm not sure my mum ever understood the reality of how awful it feels. I know now how desperate he must have been feeling.
I have self excluded but I need to take your advice with the gamban.
Thankyou for the encouragement, its much appreciated.
sadly I did it again yesterday fobts roulette in bookies 5 pence stake 2 pound spins may seem like nothing..lost all sense of reality next 30 minutes down 200.then the demon dance with the devil 666 wheel kicks in.back to the bank withdraw 500.you know were this is going and correct job done left with 3 pence in my pocket .guy next to me is playing the 3 machines at one time lost every penny he had.never again will I be back in bookies.lesson learned .was like watching a mirror image of what I was doing.and not a pretty sight
Callie, you've made the first step, If you gamble out of boredom, then I feel your pain, try and just except the money as gone and make today day one, know its so hard, but do some crafts with your daughter, bake a cake, get into a box set on tv, anything to take up the time that the gambling does, I used to buy scratch cards but now I am trying to think "no that 5er gets me a nice meal"
I am a life long gambler so I am not preaching , I feel your pain, sure you can do it, if you reset your mind
all my best wishes LCS
@g3y6a5jbds Sorry to hear you have been going through it too. It's good to hear though that you seem positive about the lesson learned and for the future. Wishing you all the best.
@gexq8uk6ti Thankyou. It means the world to have some words of encouragement especially coming from people who have been there.
I will definitely do the things you have suggested - you are spot on as I am a baker and my little girls favourite thing to do is crafts 😊
Im sure you can do it too - wishing you all the best , keep us posted we're all rooting for you.
Callie , what a lovely thing to say, I've done another day with no gambling, hope you have too, I did a drawing, thought practice what you preach, it was so bad I had to throw it in bin, but was fun trying
All my best wishes LCS
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