Don't know where Else to Turn

Hi there , Irish :)).

I can only give advice on how it was for me so here goes .

After probably 30 odd years of what I would consider " Controlled Gambling " that's where it was fun and I could walk away win or lose I realised that had all changed a few years before I stopped :)).

I'd become a Compulsive Gambler and just like yourself I could no longer walk away however much I was losing ( unless the money ran out ) or however much I was winning and that is simply because as a CG , enough was never enough and as the saying goes " We cannot win because we cannot stop " . You said yourself that you won £ 3 ,000 and then lost it all again which proves the point , how much will be enough ?.

The couple of things that I found helped the most were Opening up to my loved ones and letting go of the losses , I know you said " You can't tell anyone " but in My opinion that's exactly what we need to do , I remember sitting my partner and my kids down and telling them in no uncertain terms that I' " f'd up big style " but I don't think unless I'd had that conversation I'd have ever stopped , Dont get me wrong I was in such a bad place and had even thought of ending it all but without being honest with those I loved , I'd have kept my secret safe and that would have given me the Green light to carry on Gambling myself into an even darker place , as alway's it's your choice but I think those that have been honest to those that need to know have faired the best on the forum , so maybe think about what you need to do on that matter ?.

The other point about letting those losses go is again a must , all the time we want " Revenge " for what gambling has Cost us and done to us is a dangerous feeling to take along with us , I had to come to terms ( for the first time in my life ) with the fact that " Gambling had me beat " and that I wasn't going to step back in the ring for one more fight or one more pounding , it had beat me into submission for the last time and all I had to say was " Ok you win , I'm done with this " and for me that worked because for 19 months I've not placed a single bet and more importantly " I really don't want to " .

The fact that you were still trying to find a site to gamble on suggests to me that you haven't reached that decision of enough just yet ? but If you want to seriously stop , It's a decisiong you do have to come to my friend .

£10 k is about the debt I'd racked up over thgose last few years but I dread to think what the actuall amount would be throughout my Gambling carreer ? , but It is just money and over time it can all be re earned and debt's can be paid back , I've halved mine over the last 18 months but to be honest could have paid it back earlier , however it has become (in a good way) a reminder of where I was and it's not such a strain on finances doing it slowly :)).

Thing's do improve Irish , they really do and life will become so much better not just in the short but long term too , your only 29 and have your whole life in front of you gamble free or you could just keep doing what your doing and keep heading down the slippery slope ? .

Have you s[oken to Gamcare as a first point of contact ? , if not it may be worth speaking to someone as it can help just getting it out there with another person ?.

It's never easy I know , but your not alone as everyone on here understands , I've had all those feelings that your probably experiencing right now , mixed up , confused as to the best way forward and a brain that resembled a thick fog , especially in those first few weeks but youv'e don'e the hard bit in realising you have a problem and coming here and admitting it , so well done for that :))..

Hi Alan

Thank you so much for your reply, it is much appreciated. Firstly i should be more specific about having nobody to talk to about my gambling. I told my father about my problem a few years ago but it has not been mentioned since, as i obviously have unfortunately become adept at hiding and lying from my loved ones. My fiancГ© does know about my gambling, and i believe she is well aware that my £10k Credit Card is vastly due to my addiction. I can speak to her and i will do again in order to tell her that i have relapsed. Fortunately, my debt was only down to about £9.5k so i have no increased my debt too drastically, honestly due to the limit on my cards.

To be honest, i did try to find a site this morning as i was again chasing losses and felt that this time would be different. However I do believe i am at that stage where i want to quit, as i do not want this hanging over me any longer. I have had online accounts with probably 20-30 online betting sites, and i am now barred from them all. As i gamble mostly on football and tennis, i feel with the season over that this is the perfect time for me to stop and rebuild my life.

With regards to my debt, i have savings separately that would cover 40-50% of this. I was contemplating applying for a loan if i could possibly get it in order to use my savings and it to consolidate my debts and then cancel my cards as i believe if they were not hanging over me, my urge to gamble would be less. I wanted to clear my debt in a few months time in order to rebuild my credit rating, which is now up to fair, and to save for my wedding next year. My fiancГ© is also looking to apply for a mortgage for us to live together but i have said to her that i need to clear my debts and rebuild my credit before we can even think of this. It’s just a very stressful time.

You did mention Gamcare, i am not sure what they can help me with? I am not in an area where they offer counselling etc in Ireland but i am interested in what they can do?

I would love to help people like me who have a problem with gambling, such as certain restrictions on online bookmakers or creating a 'no bet list' where if you join this, you will automatically be blocked from any sort of online gambling. It is just something that i have considered as i have read so many stories that are similar to mine, and i feel that together we could change people’s lives for the better as it’s so easy to get caught up. I just think it would be easier as well to have contact with those who have the same problems as me.

Thank you again for your help, i just want to get to a good place.

Regards,

Struggling Irish

Hi again :))

I'm glad your able to talk with those your close to as it always helps .

I'd thought of taking a loan out to consolidate my gambling debts but fortunately had a zero rate transfer available aat the time so kept it on the card and just moved it to another when needed , I think had I consolidated it into a loan I'd have probably seen it as agreen light to use the cards again but that's just me.

I'm not sure if you'd thought of installing any sort of blocking software on your devices ? there's many available such as Netnany or Gamblock which may be of help if your gambling's mostly online ? and I was more thinking of Talking with a Gamcare advisor who may be able to give you more pointers in the right direction , have you also thought about handing over financial control to your partner , cards ect ? It may help if your tempted . I know ultimately we have to do this and they'll alway's be a way around whatever stands between us and a bet , however a few simple measures can afford us a little thinking time before jumping back into the fire ?.

Just a few suggestions my friend :))