Early days

Hi AnotherPunter.

Yes I know all about those machines an you make an interesting point about stopping when you are earning. I was the same.

They were always my moth to the light addiction ever since I was alone with one in a chip shop in a Scottish village. I was about 13 and I remember its all I wanted to do in this sleepy scottish holiday village. We went for day trips but when we got back I just wanted to sneak out of the house with a pocket full of coins. I was probably too young to play them but of course nobody in the shop stopped me

Since then it has been every arcade that was handy in on off periods over the years. The bookies were just for a six month period in 2015.....I say just but I lost more money than ever in that period

Part of my recovery process has been honestly dealing with the history of it all. I have always been an aimless/lost character and I actually had no idea what to do with myself but gamble when I had time to kill.

It took me ten months after joining gamcare to finally do something effective to stop. Before that I thought I could handle it with silly "tests" like just using the change machine and walking out. Mostly I coundnt control anything and would be gambling in an instant

I was never in control because I wanted the feeling of playing. I still dont fully understand how I could experience the lows of extinction and still return to playing when I had some money again.

You are dead right in that the printed odds mean nothing and I was ignoring them anyway with sort of lucky day, lucky machine baloney. I was playing for escape and it was often stress related.

Anyway I told my parents and kept telling them this time until they began to understand the destructive nature of an addiction

I then spent a day self excluding and it was the best day of my life since I can remember. Im so happy managing my money at the moment. Bills are paid and I might have a new phone or PVR next week.

Best wishes to everyone on the forum

Thanks JD and Deano - looking back the machines have always been there and it has taken me too long to get the thinking straight in my head to arm myself against the temptation to bet further. JD - I completely get the history point, I had some big wins as a kid and it drew me in. I hope my kids never gamble and if they do, I wish them total loss to deter future problem gambling.

Tonight was a friend's leaving drinks and drinking is a trigger for gambling but not tonight. Felt vulnerable at lunch, but having read other people's stories, I felt calmer tonight.

I'm not being preachy - there is a hair's breadth between where I am and those that cannot stop just now, but I will keep going one day at a time and I would love to hear from those who are 100, 150, 200 days to the good. Does it get easier, do your techniques change, what do you put through your mind when temptation knocks?

Wishing you all the steely determination I am still trying to construct AP.

Well done coming here to keep you occupied 🙂 In the early days I had to fight urges second by second sometimes (saying I'll just do this first, then I'll just do that & keeping myself distracted until the urges passed so I never did get to gamble), then I started giving the bookies a little 2 fingered salute/demented chicken dance as I noticed them & now, I barely do!

I spent hours & hours online in my early days of recovery & being a pig headed fool, refused to take any advice on board about finding my triggers & why I gambled because any fool knows, I gambled to get rich!

18 months down the line I kinda know better...I know that I swapped my glittering gambling career spanning approx 3 decades for a much less unhealthy addiction to this site & I also know that 'my way' will not work for everyone! I treat gambling as I would an allergy now...I can't allow myself to do something that may kill me & ultimately, that is where some people end up! When I started recovery, I only wanted to control my gambling! I planned a little treat for myself (I think it was @ 1 month) by the time I got there, I'd read too much & realised that gambling was a punishment not a treat! Easier now? Definitely & the turning point was accepting that I cannot win because I cannot stop! To win is to quit! When I have an urge now, I remind myself of how much I hated myself when I was gambling!

Have you considered GA? Counselling? A new hobby? Do you have strong barriers to keep your gambling (Time-Money-Location, remove one & you cannot gamble) triangle broken? All the steely determination in the world has weak points & the barriers buy time for you to ride out the urges when they hit you because as you have discovered, they will!

You are doing great! Keep fighting - ODAAT

I tried counselling in 2012 but although exploring my compulsion was interesting, there wasn't the practical help that I see coming through the forum on techniques to help you stay off the FOBTs.

The time, money, location triangle is very good and I really like the comparison to a deadly allergy - it is exactly that.

The change this time is that I REALLY want to stop. I won about £1k in January but eventually fed it all back in plus more in the space of about two weeks. The penny finally dropped that I will never win - sometimes I hold money for the bookie. But they always get it back.

I have spent money that I shouldn't have - I haven't lost it as that suggests I can find it again, I can't. I can view it as the best money spent if it teaches me that I will always lose if I gamble and I do see that.

I appreciate the thoughts ODAAT and think I haven't put strong barriers in place and was probably a bit cocky about succeeding this time. Rethinking how I keep time, money, location links broken.

Thanks AP

Yes Walk in with pride and get the forms to self exclude. I took them away got my pictures done, filled the forms out in a quiet place where I could think. I then went back with them

Let me put it this way...one of my barriers to stopping was giving all my personal details so I just gave what I felt necessary. My Picture and my name will do for them. Im certainly not having my usual contract signature or full wad of information for identity fraud reasons. I dont trust them and I certainly dont want junk mail or letters to my home. Thats up to the individual. I dont gamble online so didnt need to cross reference my details with that.

My parents monitor me and I monitor myself constantly. If I was to try anything else I would tell people and step up the blocks

I was an anonymity gambler and thats because deep down I always knew its wrong behaviour. Maybe thats why machines got me because I could stand there in my own world with nobody really bothering me

Im not the sort of person that breaks bans....the shame would be unbearable...More importantly I have not hovered by the door or tried to find anywhere else so it really seems to have helped. I can stand casually in the street eating my chips. I glance and just feel sorry for anyone inside. There is no attraction there now.

let the money go. I can gently say its gone now. Its not a get it back later scheme and never was. We have to let it go because dwelling on it is not an option for a healthy mind. I have my own systems and I have to say its only money. A footballer would have spent that on a cake. I have other money coming in. Its not a lot but I get on with my life, proud and gamble free.

It does get easier as time goes on but I am never complacent with it. I am learning to enjoy money properly again. I use this site to help others and talk it through myself. I am not fighting urges and really understand what gambling did to me which is a strong barrier. I do get mild chemical twinges but I think we all do. Its the body doing its thing and they are immediately countered with reality. Lets be honest that its chemical twinges I should be getting from a girlfriend, holiday or music gig. 🙂 I keep busy with proper plans for my money

I am having counselling for depression which is the main issue really. I had given up on living life well because I was depressed and therefore considered myself bored. I really wasnt well and Im now getting better which sheds a new light on my previous behaviour

Please put those blocks on and keep talking about it. Open up to people close to you. It didnt mean you are a bad person and there is no shame in admitting it got to you and reaching out for help

My very best wishes

Hey AP. Long time no speak!

Just dropping by to see how things have been? Hope all is well.

RA

Hi RA - I've not been on here for a while. I fell off the wagon for about 5 weeks in the summer and that lead my wife to guess, I confessed and it was tough but liberating too. I am seeing a counsellor through a local charity linked to GamCare and it's turned things around for me. Last time I stopped i felt like an addict who was stopping themselves doing what they wanted to do, with a lot of soul searching I now have a better handle on why I gambled, I feel more in control and there are (currently) no urges. It is going to take time to recover from my gambling but recover I shall. Your posts sound very encouraging too and your GF sounds like a keeper, I hope it continues to go well for you. All the best, AP.