Hi,
as the title says, this has been my life for the past 10 years.
I’m the mother of a 28 year old gambling addict.
I have made all the ‘mistakes’ out of love of course, the lending & bailing out on numerous occasions. It took me time to learn and to accept this was not the solution.
I’ve been there to offer advice & support.
I’ve recommended to him many times who & where to go for help. Sent the links etc etc
His total debt is now around £50k without the income to make the monthly payments to the lenders and still live an enjoyable and purposeful life.
His mental health is at its lowest.
My mental health is now very fragile.
He is the most likeable, generous and lovable person.
He could succeed in so many things in life.
Yet despite all of the above (which has & is a living nightmare) he still won’t seek help and it appears to be because he doesn’t want to stop. This is what I’m finding it the hardest to accept, along with the constant feelings of anxiety that he will see ending it all as his only option.
He has self excluded fully about 6 months ago, but where there’s a means there’s a way and the gambler finds it.
I guess this post is for myself really as I’m just at a loss with how to help someone who accepts they are an addict, accepts they have a serious problem and despite the emotional and financial impact on their life they DO NOT want to seek help with the aim to stop and turn their life around?
Hi... I am a compulsive gambler. Am sure my mum over the years has been through many of the the thoughts and emotions that you describe. I am nearly 50 now and still struggle to stay stopped. My mum emailed me to say that she had put a small amount of money into my account for christmas because she was tired of waiting in the queue for a voucher (she is in her 80's). She mentioned that she was worried that I would gamble it but she wasn't going to ask. I feel bad that she feels this way but I can't help how she feels.
With your son I see a young man (and he is a young man!) whom has become totally overwhelmed with the size of his debt, so he blocks it out, pushes it to one side, ignores it, escapes from it...and how does he escape from it... through more gambling. Gambling to escape the consequences of his gambling. Its sick but its often the case. Human beings look for ways to escape what feels uncomfortable. Gambling was and still is his comfort blanket, just like its mine.
The thing is, he has to figure these things out for himself. That is his life journey. I think my mum gets it. She pulled back many years ago. She just lets me get on with it. Either I figure it out or I don't. You will know whether your son is at it or not by his actions not his words. Over the years I have been at my best (in terms of not gambling) when ive been running marathons, because I found it gave me the feel good feelings without emptying my bank account. I felt alive and and like you say purposeful. When i feel lost and directionless and lonely I am much more likely to gamble. Its these types of issues that your son need to get his head around and unfortunately you can't do it for him. Life your life for you. let him see what life is like without gambling in it.
All the best
S.A, thank you so much for your openness & meaningful words. Really helps me a lot to read this ? ?
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