thI’m posying this We have ourDay 6 and feeling good. Tuesday last week I lost £1,000 online playing blackjack in all of about an hour. I was at a hotel with work and had two options. Beg my brother for another loan and set about concealing yet another ridiculous amount of money movements from my wife or drive home, be honest and hope and pray she’d support me. Well I did the 2nd and she has been nothing short of amazing in this last week.
I’m in about £30,000 of debt from a mixture of gambling and poor money management. Everything gets paid every month but acquiring credit is too easy and although I make loan payments I so often just borrow it back and more!
We have been together 4 years and got married last summer. In June we are expecting our first baby! I can’t imagine what more motivation I can need. I do as well have a huge motivation to do this for myself. I believe that personal motivation must exist as well as my family motivation.
I’m posting this evening for the first time. Not because I have had any urges this evening but because I’m home alone while my wife is at work and I’m the past this would have been a prime gambling opportunity. So this evening I’m doing something different and talking about my story.
The best thing about the decision I made 6 days ago is that such a weight has been lifted by being honest about my problem. I don’t wake up in fear in the night or scheme in the day about how to lie about money. This is the most exciting fresh start. I have been to my GO, seen a counsellor, spoken to my boss, self excluded in town. Am sorting out blocking software but most of all making a promise to myself and to my wife of honesty and communication. I was always chasing a loss... well I feel now like I’ve had the best win ever and the game is over and there’s no way I want to start playing again. The future is feeling so bright now. Can’t wait to celebrate my first gambling free week tomorrow!
Congratulations on coming clean to your other half, that's a massive step and a huge relief. Well done. Take it one day at a time, it won't be easy but it is possible. Good luck to you and all best for your family.
Hi everyone! New to this and guess not sure what to think yet more than needing to help myself and hopefully in future others once I sorted myself out...
Very disappointed with myself.
Happy you are doing well at the moment and congratulations Chris!
Sry I entered wrong chat room!
Hi Chris, welcome to the forum & congrats on your 1st week 🙂
Great decision you made a week ago & giant leaps have been taken so well done you (thumbs up)!
What I will say is, this feeling may not last & as well as everything you have done so far, please consider handing over control of your finances to keep your gambling (Time-Money-Location, remove one & you cannot gamble) triangle broken.
Your wife may also start to struggle with this as the dust settles & GamCare advisors can provide support & counselling for her as well as you. Recovery is indeed about personal responsibility but that doesn’t mean doing it alone...You may not feel you need it @ the moment but don’t discount meetings (GA for you, GamAnon for your loved ones).
Congrats on opening up the lines of communication & I hope you guys have a happy & stress free pregnancy - ODAAT
Hey ODAAT thanks for your comments and thoughts! I didn’t mention but I have given my wife the login in details for my online banking and also set up a Clearscore account, this will allow her to see if I’ve made any applications for credit and means I couldn’t open up accounts with other banks.
One thing I’m really conscious of and would love to hear thoughts on is about how to maintain my current focus to being Gamble Free when the initial stuff wares off. I’ve done a month of two before but then have slid into old habits. I have never been as open and honest as I have been this week and really hope it makes the difference. I am competitive and hope that my ‘streak’ of days will help me along.
Anyway on a positive I’m a few hours away from a clean week! I’ve bought a dozen roses for tomorrow and have booked a table for lunch (wife works shifts) still feeling positive still don’t want to gamble! 24 weeks pregnant today as well (her not me)
Heya,
I've read your thread and the last bit about maintaining the competitive edge is quite interesting. For me I liked to think I had the superhuman ability to make the machines bleed money and use them as cash points. Of course the reality was I was just some sad punter spinning the random number generator with the same odds as anyone, the odds that were never in my favour.
Now I like being competitive so put my efforts into things that would better me.......things that actually take skill. See what else tickles your interest. Take up an instrument, play pool, snooker, learn to knit, go fishing, cooking. Learn a craft......learn to juggle, diablo (I can spin three at a time now), buy a plant and let it represent you growing through the care you show it. In short replace the dopamine fix with a real life skill and enhance your being. Get a focus. Personally I learnt a combination of circus tricks, magic and the violin of which I couldn't do two years ago. Maybe just something like focus on your career, relationships etc I looked at recovery as an opportunity to improve myself and now I'm always up for trying anything to put my time to good use. I believe if it wasn't for gambling I couldn't do some random and possess some glorious skills I have today. A positivity through gambling? No matter how dumb these things are they sure beat the hell of being a zombie in front of some flashing lights. Obviously I ended up throwing my hard earned dollar away in the past but now life is kinda fun. The £5k I lost over two sittings is a distant memory. I've paid it off, got back in debt (through healthy means), paid it off and done it again (through more healthy means.......buying a house, adding to it) and due to be paid back in three months again. Money comes and goes but my set of priorities and pursuits now are far more healthier. Putting money to work and working hard at making a living. Down time is fun, forfilling and innocent activities. Dare I say it, they make me a slightly more interesting human being too!
Have a think........you'all pick up some fun things along the way!
Cheers, Abet
Hey Abet,
thanks for your comments. My equvilent is golf. i used to play all the time. I havent stopped playing because of gambling but because a 9-5 job and a niggling injury have prevented me from getting back out there. now though i have times of 'dead time' this could be an evening in alone or a weekend with no plans so rather than track 3rd division Romanian U21s football or equivilent im going to take myself to the driving range and hit a bucket of balls.
the good news is that ive got to day 8 today and i havent felt an urge to gamble - there is no win that will give me the satisfaction that being honest and not gambling has given me!!!! i have 1 of these 'dead time' evenings tonight. ive already assembled a rocking chair to go in our baby girls room for when she is born and later on tonight my wife let me know the bathroom ceiling could do with a paint! maybe no driving range tonight but that could be tomorrows activity! i might treat myself to watching the liverpool game afterwards but it will only be as a fan not someone with a financial interest.
one of my favourite things about having been honest with my wife and having stopped gambling is the feeling i get waking up in the morning. i used to wake up and the panic of my finances would hit me like a ton of bricks now i wake up, take a deep breath and smile. i have many years of repaying debt (schedued for 5 years but hoping to do it quicker) but for the first time it feels achievable and that im digging myself out of a hole and not digging further into it.
ive deliberatly not made any commitments to updating this forum with a defined frequency because i dont want to sign up to something if it doesnt add long term value, but for now i am finding just freestyle typing the thoughts in my head as a very theraputic outlet.
8 days in and feeling strong, dont want to gamble! love my life, love my wife and love my future!!!
Day 9 and feeling strong! got bored at work this afternoon, it was a really slow day. it was another circumstance where i would have gamlbed in the past but no such problem today. MY boss came in this morning and i was able to give her a real positive update of my progress and how i was feeling. i never got round to painting the bathroom ceiling last night and have already decided Tiger & Rory playing golf together is going to take up my evening till the wife gets home. Double figure days tomorrow which is a nice little milestone.
had a dream about gambling last night, that id won a football bet but the winnings were only recovering losses. i woke up this morning with a great relief that it was just a dream, i told my wife about it just because it keeps me feeling totally transparent! Got a really great weekend coming up this weekend with family coming to visit - no time or place for gambling! going out for dinner on Saturday, as i now budget properly with my wife i dont have to worry about the bill etc! i'm pretty much just rambling but i like putting my thoughts on a page! honesty is my favourite word in the world right now, last night i was looking at chinese symbol tattooes (ive never gotten a tattoo) but thought it might serve as a passive reminder to me. i never want to get complacent!
Day 10! double figures... i nice little mandmark. i cant believe how fast the last 10 days have gone, it feels like so much has gone on. so much positive stuff. i feel no need or desire to gamble, i feel determined not to get complacent! got a great weekend lined up! proper excited to see my family tomorrow. i'll keep an awareness of the footy scores but only as a football fan, its not going to rule me weekend! tonight it my wifes last run of late shifts and i am definitely proud to have got through a whole week of evenings in alone without being tempted to gamble. i painted the bathroom ceiling finally this evening! a painful but productive use of time! next milestone will be wednesday which will represent 2 weeks since i decided to change my life and be properly honest! bring it on
Well done on reaching 10 days gamble free.
I'm glad you are feeling positive and starting to get a feel how better life is without gambling.
"I feel no need or desire to gamble, i feel determined not to get complacent!". This is a very important sentence you have stated, as in the past when i have tried to stop and gone 10+ days gamble free i have always strongly thought i have no desire to gamble. Gambling addiction can catch you of guard and that desire to stop just gets erased. So the next part of your sentence about not getting complacent is good that you are aware. This happened to me last summer. I went 60 days away from the FOBTs thinking im cured. I was self excluded from a few bookmakers but by chance i stayed at a friend of a friends house in another town and there was a bookmaker on his street i had no idea was there. So like i said that desire of stopping flew straight out the window because the temptation and the knowing i was not self excluded meant i went down without a fight. (see my thread called "staying positive after a relapse").
I got too cocky thinking i was cured so what i did was strengthen my gambling blocks to extreme levels.
1. Self excluded from that bookmaker and researched on google what others were in areas around 30 minutes drive away and added theme to my national self exclusion scheme.
2. Handed my credit card over to my fiancee, she already had my cash and debit card but i kept my credit card for "emergencies". This was with me that day which gave me the money to gamble.
3. Got involved in this forum more to learn and help me come to the conclusion that i'm 100% a compulsive gambler who will never be fully cured and a 1p bet could cause a problem.
If you dont have any blocks like online and shop self exclusion in place i strongly suggest you do as it helps remove any ways to gamble. Also handing over your finances to your wife helps alot.
Again well done on where you have got so far. Sorry to ramble on but i just wanted to share my story of where i was after a few weeks gamble free.
I'm currently 103 days gamble free and life without gambling gets so much better. I will take my own advice and not get complacent but in time it gets easier. Look forward to hearing from you and enjoy your weekend with your family and i hope they benefit from you not gambling too.
Embracing
Hey Embracing,
thanks for your comments i think your thought align very closely to my own. i'm pleased to say the weekend has been and gone, i'm pleased because i was have too nicer time with my family to think about gambling or to write on the forum. Although i did manage to find 3 hours to to pressure wash my patio (this should be a relapse punishment). because of my amazing weekend i am now celebrating 13 days gamble free, and 13 days of complete honesty in my life. i started talking with my wife about getting a mortgage the other day and it actually seems achieveable now as a result of the changes ive made. i feel a bit guilty to admit that i feel chuffing proud of myself right now.
i am really lucky to live close to where i work and have no commuting costs. as a result of being honest in my life i have managed to reduce my monthly bills (refinancing loans etc) by £250/month. Thats not even to mention the amount i am saving by not donating my earnings to various bookmakers everyday. this therefore means i dont need to stress for progress at work, looking at vacancies miles from home etc instead i can wait for the right opportunity. im my feedback for a job i went for recently the interviewer said there was an air of desperation in my desire to progress, i wonder if this was to do withthe financial pressures gambling had given me.
that'll do for tonight, i do feel like i just ramble but at the same time like that i never quite know whats going to come out of me! tomorrow is day 14 and that'll be 2 weeks completely gambling free. im enjoying the success im having but never getting complacent!!
till next time 🙂
2 weeks!!! if im honest its not felt a challenge, i've not felt a desire to gamble. if anything ive just felt more and more validated in my decision. man city lose to wigan... just goes to show the minefield of sports betting, reaffirms that i made the right decision and helps keep me driven for the future.
pay day tomorrow - money all going to the wife as part of our agreement to help me control my spending. gotta be honest it'll be a relief not to have the money burning a hole in my pocket. i have enough money to last me the month and am looking forward to it doing so.
i was talking to my wife about how counting the days of not gambling gives me a competitiveness that i enjoy. similarly ive signed up to clearscore a credit reerency agency. my new monthly score is out in 7 days. im looking forward to the update as this is going to help give me the motivation to get my score healthy enough for a mortgage in a couple of years!
the future feels so bright. the wife is 25 weeks pregnant today i am 2 weeks gamble free today! bring on tomorrow. never get complacent!!!
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