feeling so low

Wrapper...I have just read your forums and you appear to be so positive now.how great that must feel.I ve not told my story on here but I will.congratulations on conquering your demons.good luck for the future

Coevett,

the demons will never be conquered but they can be kept at bay, that is enough, sometimes you don't have to conquer, just stay in control, sometimes the monster can be so big that conquering is not possible, but keeping in under control although difficult and challenging is enough, sometimes total victory is impossible, almost unachievable, maybe for some that goal is what defeats them, from being a gambling addict to total abstension is a big difference, to make such a dramatic alteration is going to have some difficulties and for some too big, the goal is to stop gamblng to stop giving bookmakers your hard earned cash, if that can be done in one step or a hundred steps nevertheless the goal remains the same, to work hard and to give this to a bookmaker makes absolutely no sense, to a "normal person" this is not an issue, to a problem gambler, this can easily become "not an issue", it takes time of course but there is no hurry, the goal can be achieved, of course not easily but 100% it can be achieved.

Wrapper.
It's good to see your honesty about going from irrational,selfish,unsociable compulsive gambler to total abstaining. I totally agree that in itself is a huge step to take and my personal experience through GA and counselling have resulted in periods of 4-5 weeks of no gambling then bang! Something inside says ok I can control this a little footy bet won't hurt and we know where that story always ends. I'm a 46yr old man who for the past 3 yrs has lived with his mum!! Not something to shout from the rooftops...I'm 10k in debt and try and stay positive.running and staying fit has always been the constant in my life and I often wonder if I hadnot had that escape where I would be? I often kid myself I can do this in moderation...enjoy it,,but that never lasts long before the chasing begins again,,the sleepless nights, lying at work,lacking concentration,depression and self loathing all starts it's cycle again.I split with my partner of 11 and half yrs about 4 yrs ago.we had a great life, big house, nice cars holidays etc...but I was always living the gambling lie.we split but she never knew the full extent of my addiction.I e-mailed her a few yrs later and explained everything...what a coward,I should have told her face to face like a man.in my opinion CG are born with an addictive personality trait and that will take form in either gambling alcohol or drug..the main 3. Why gambling chose me I ain't sure but if it had been the other 2 I would not be typing this today. Someone once told me I am an opportuniist...I think they were right.

Coeovett, if you read my original post of 2009 you will see that we have simiarities, I too thought I had a great, happy life, happily married, holidays, nice house etc, I was always a gambler and the break up of my marriage released a monster in me I did not know was there, I surprised myself by the amounts I was prepared to gamble, quite astonishing, my recovery is unusual and cannot go into detail on gamcare but financially I have recovered but I know that monster is still there and always will be, I think if you fool yourself in thinking the monster has gone then than can be dangerous, until they start performing successful brain transplants on humans then I think that would be the only way to remove the demons completely, addictions are tough, very tough to beat but of course can and have to be beaten, good luck Coeovett, haha, we are similar age, I grew up and they were my sporting heroes, yes I liked them both, don't be fooled my life is not perfect, life is tough and challenging, I have survived since 2009 and in that respect have made a remarkable recovery and will continue to try and make my life better and happier, every day I live with my demons and in a strange way logging onto here for the first time in 5 years has hightened my awareness and reminded me of a time I may have been in danger of starting to forget about and drop my guard, the pain of losing large amounts of money is just awful, soul destroying, no one wants to go to that dark place ever again, sometimes it is good to be reminded.

Superstar1 I hope you are ok, the offer of help was genuine and if you ever wish for my assistance then I will give you my details, stay strong young man, you will beat this, you have a great future to look forward to.

Hi wrapper,

Great to see your life has changed around for the better over the last 5 years.

I'm really intrigued as to what you mean by using you're intelligence on numbers to turn you're life around. I've always been a whiz with numbers just never applied myself and wish sometimes I took a direction in work towards banking or accounting rather than electrical work.

Anyhow if you think you can help me drop me an email please. Read my story and diaries if you have time I would appreciate it.

People like you can help people like us.
[email protected]
Mba

Hi wrapper
I m now convinced I have to try and conquer this demon by myself.I know that will be hard,near impossible but I have

tried different forms of support to no avail - long term that is.So the years of suffering cant go on, for my mental and emotional state.what has always disgusted me with this addiction, as I know hundreds of people on here will be the same, is that I consider myself reasonably intelligent,articulate,sociable and popular etc but once the addiction takes hold again it's like the most fragile, self centred and manipulative person rears it's head again.when I ain't gambling.I m focussed alert confident and ready to take on.the world.

Hi Wrapper,

Please I need your help. Im only 26 and I can't seem to get rid of my addiction. Im doing my masters and have a part time job to support myself but I keep gambling all my earnings and ending up being depressed, desperate and confused.

Started gambling in the US in 2009. Stopped for three years when I moved to a place where gambling was not that popular. Now in the UK with abundance of casinos, I cant help myself. I have lost a lot. I was bailed out on some gambling debt few months back by my parents and I thought I was done with gambling. Just few weeks ago after my split with girlfriend, I got into gambling and drained my account again, entering into thesame debt. Please help. ..... [email protected]

wrapper wrote: Hi everyone, I have joined as I have just lost 3100 pounds on online roulette today, this takes my losses in 8 months to 36 thousand pounds, I am a factory worker earning 250 a week although I used to earn more than that. The question I would like to ask members is, is there a link with depression, low self esteem, etc and gambling? I was fine 'til the break up of my marriage, now I feel so down and alone that I use gambling to cheer me up, at first that is what it did as I was successful but not any more, at this moment I feel that I have very little to live for but I've just had another big loss, I hope this feeling goes away in time, it is quite frightening, I feel that I am better having no money as any money I have I lose. I wish I had discovered this site earlier as I could have saved a fortune with gamblock, easy in hindsight, after reading members stories I realise that I am not alone with my gambling problem as opposed to my personal problems. No one who knows me has a clue about this and everbody thinks I'm such a nice and intelligent guy, when really I am a fraud, a loser and an idioit, I have just discovered this site and hopefully I can read that there is light at the end of the tunnel albeit it's a very long scary tunnel, sorry if this email sounds very depressing, I now understand how America has banned online gambling, Britain should do it too * , time to shut up, once again sorry for the depressing tone of this post.

I wrote this in 2009, I could write almost the same post today almost 6 years later, last night I got drunk and lost £38,000 on w*********l roulette, just kept doubling up in hope that i'd get one right, this was an accident waiting to happen as for the past few months I have been getting drunk and going online to play roulette, this does not happen sober, I am a very unhappy and lonely person, I drink to kill the pain of loneliness, when I drink I gamble, in the past few years I thought I had my problem under control, I was wrong, it was always there, now the day after, I once again feel that I have nothing to live for, I am not broke and saying that may mean that I do not receive much sympathy, I am not looking for sympathy, I lost 20% of my life savings last night, I am 49 years old, sure if it was my last penny I lost the pain would be more severe, fact is it wasn't and the pain is severe, the weeks and months of unbearable depression I will now suffer has me terrified, my life was painful enough, having savings but being all alone means I am an extremely poor person and a very unhappy one as I said the immediate future scares me, I am tired of this cycle, I am tired of how a large loss at gambling makes me feel, feeling that you gain no joy from being alive, I am lucky? I have not lost everything, I do not feel lucky nor unlucky, it's not about luck, my gambling problem is self inflicted and fuelled by greed, a win and my depression doesn't feel so bad but only for a short time, it then requires another win and another win, this is easy to achieve with martingale roulette until you get the inevitable losing run, I knew this but in my drunk state I ignore it, time and time again, now I have lost £38,000, I'm a gambling addicted, alcoholic, depressed lonely person, who medicates himself with alcohol and then can't stop himself gambling, the outcome yesterday was inevitable, I fear the next outcome is inevitable too?

Hi wrapper sorry for your huge loss, I know at the moment the light at the end of the tunnel seems miles away, but it is there I promise!!

Roulette was my vice too and can honestly say if I'd had that kind of savings it would have all gone by now no doubt So at least you ve still got 80% left which what ever you think is something.But don't go chasing your losses because in the next few days you will you probably think a lot about trying to get your £38000 back and in the long run even if you manage to win some back you will just end up losing more.

Good luck and give recovery a go I ve not looked back.

thank you so much for your words Markb117, yes I cannot see the light at all just now, only darkness, has me petrified, I always have chased my losses but this one's too big to chase, I need help and now, this cycle has to stop or it is going to kill me and I want to live and I want to be happy, happiness is not so easy to find for me and gambling fools my brain into thinking I am being rewarded with pleasure, when the inevitable where I am just now is always ready to pounce and it's slowly killing me and making me feel awful as I do now and will for weeks and months, life's got to be more fun than this?