Ok, so this is my first post on here.
This may come across as a little disjointed as my heads kind of all over the place at the minute so please bare with me. I really need to get this off my chest.
I've gambled for at least 20 years, I'd call myself a functioning gambler, get all my bills paid then spend the rest. Online fruit machines are my particular vice.
So like most gamblers I'm skint, and in the gamblers twisted logic I decided to spend the last little bit of money to try to raise some money for Christmas, as mental as that sounds. We gamblers have a good way of rationalising b******t to suit our addictions.
So I preyed for a Christmas miracle for me and my kids. Stuck my last £100 quid on an online casino and gave it a go. I knew how much I needed to win, about £500 should do it.
Lo and behold, I won the 500 I needed, didn't cash it out, carried on playing, won another 500. Wow my lucks in, carried on playing, won another 1000 then another 500. I was up to £2700 and all I had to do is cash it out.
You can probably see what's coming.
So here I am 3 hours later typing this with nothing to show for my endeavours. I couldn't stop playing, the money didn't even matter when you're in that frame of mind, now I have nothing.
I feel crushed.
Hello Adey, I think for most of us on here, typing our "story", getting it off our chests does help a little. I only joined yesterday and have already spoken to some amazing, friendly people. My vice also is the online slots. I'd previusly played bingo but that had never been a "real" problem, if you know what I mean. For me, when i have lost, it isn't so much the loss that depresses me, but the knowing i cannot play anymore!! Many times when I've been gambling I've also got the bank above 2k and like you, not stopped until it was at 0. It may not be the same day, but usually a cpl of days later. As my balance decreased I would raise the stakes. Is that something we all do? I think also a lot of us have the same thoughts like - only a "little" gamble. One thing for sure is that most come on here straight after a loss, to seek solace I guess. Good luck my friend xxxxxx
Hi there,
Thank you for replying. I've spoken to my girlfriend today and told her my issue, she's been really supportive and a lot more understanding than I thought, I was dreading speaking to her because I'd have to face up to what I'd done over the last few months. She had a pretty good idea what was happening because I'd borrowed money from her which I'd never done before, no matter how well you try to hide it and lie it always catches up with you in the end.
We're going out for lunch and a chat to see the best way forward, I actually feel slightly optimistic for the first time in a long time, today is day 1.
I know we can beat this and just knowing that there's other people in the same situation to talk to helps a lot.
Thank you Ade
Hi Ade, I really hope the lunch goes well. Try and stay optimistic and come on here to chat anytime!! Good Luck x
Hi Ade , just looking at your posts and would like to say, well done on coming on to the forum , a huge achievement in its self but also the fact that you came clean with your partner !.
I found this to be quite empowering , confessing all to my partner and my kids, meant no more lying trying to explain why I was short of money or couldn't afford those little treats anymore !.
To be honest we never really went without thing's , I would just use my overdraught or credit card again to cover up my losses ! . But at least the dirty little secret was out !!.
As you said in your post " you won all that money and blew the lot " , what could have turned things around and gave you the break you craved, dissapeared as quickly as it came ?, and that my friend is what we do !.
As Compulsive gamblers we cannot win because we simply cannot stop !
We can't simply walk away and be happy with a small sum, Oh no ! We go all in , or nothing ! Then as we begin to lose , up go the stakes [ as tizzy said ] and we chase and chase our losses until its all gone .
If we're lucky sometimes we stop there , but if we don't , we start betting with money we don't have which takes us into future debt !, and more problems .
It doesn't become about the money for us , it's about the buzz , at first thats easy to get but that feeling becomes harder to achieve and more and more expensive to satisfy .
I can remember well the feelings I used to experience while playing the Fobt's in the bookies £100 a spin , every few seconds is crazy and for what ?, to possibly win a max £500 on one number just to give me enough ammunition to play another 5 spins ! Absolutely no logic whatsoever !.
But I guess thats what gambling does to us ? Messes with our ability to think rationally ?.
Its nice to know that your optomistic about your future , youve done the hard bit , you have the support of a loving person in your life and now it's out in the open , your whole future to look forward to !.
Wishing you well on your recovery and speak with you soon !.......Alan A compulsive gambler , who will not gamble today !
Alan - your words are so true!! Can you just tell me what FOBT'S stands for? Thanks Teresa.
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