Finally asking for help

Hi and thanks for messaging... I lost again last night and felt sick!!! but this morning something has kicked in my brain..Ive told myself a million times before that I will stop but today feels different..I feel cheated and voilated by online gambling and ive realised that if I dont stop now my life will start to unravel... Ive finally told someone..my best friend.. It was a relief and something I never thought Id do in a million years... I cant change the past but I can change the future and I intend to...Just words I know but im serious about changing my life for the better... today is day 1 of a different life... thanks for listening I'll check back in tomorrow

Well done for telling your friend it's a good start, could she help with mybe looking after your money? I've started to get only the exact money I need and letting my mam look after the rest, so it's not as easy for me to access if I get an urge. I also heard a good tip on here to get rid of your debit card, order a new one and get somebody to scratch off the 3 digits on the back so you can't deposit online. Your determination to stop, telling somebody and coming on here everyday are great but still try and but as many blocks in place as you can. Good luck!

Laura there are some things that you need to do that you are not doing yet. That’s why you are still caught in this cycle of gambling, and gambling again.

GamblerHelp wrote:

Laura there are some things that you need to do that you are not doing yet. That’s why you are still caught in this cycle of gambling, and gambling again.

Gamcare removed the link to the helping article (?) but to read it click on my name, follow the link to my blog, and read the piece in the center entitled “Recovery Strategy - Staying off gambling one day at a time”.

It will certainly help you.

Day 17 , I usually only write on here if I'm having a bad day but today is good! Off work and daughter at school, have about £50 on me, not much but enough to usually get me to gamble. And I have had no urges at all. Instead I've been giving my house a good clean and realising how much I've been neglecting it over this last year, usually have a quick tidy up and straight to the slots or do very little due to feeling depressed. Cleaning out cupboards, wardrobes and under the bed has been quite therapeutic, clearing clutter from the house feels like clearing my mind aswell.

Hey...well done you...I always get a good feeling and a clear head from giving the house a really good clean...I think its really important to keep busy and occupied especially when 'urges' keep popping into your head... For me its very early days I havent gambled since Saturday that was my rock bottom... I only came out of the gambling trance when Id lost my last penny..I just sat and cried..I cried fro what seemed like an eternity and then I picked up my phone and bared my soul to my best friend and told her everything...She was wonderful..she didnt judge me and was there instantly to help me put and end to this awful disease...With her help Ive now got no access to gambling on my phone laptop or ipad..Knowing that I cant gamble however much i want to seems to have removed temptation and stopped the urges.... Im not niave enough to think that Im cured or that I dont have a difficult road ahead but Im ready to face my demons head on and kick this vile habit into the gutter where it belongs...For the past ten years Ive been in total denial convincing myself that addiction only happens to other people and that I was in control.... I wasnt in control..every spare penny/pound went on gambling and I justified it because my bills were paid and i wasnt in debt..... that was the denial.... for me being alble to tell my friend has been the biggest and bravest thing I think Ive had to face but it has been the best thing I could of done... Im only 2 days free of the disease but I know that Ive now closed the door to that miserable existance... Today I have bought myself a journal and intend to keep a detailed account of my recovery and by reading other people success stories has been a real inspiration and gives me hope as well as a good kick up the a"""!!!

My advise to others suffering silently is to tell someone who you can trust..people who love and care about you will not judge they will want to help you beat the disease... I took the advise from 'The fun has stopped' and told my best friend..best thing I could of done...I laughed today... something I havent done for long time...

Well done Laura glad your taking all the right steps, it's nice to hear that you took my advice and found it helpfull! Strange to think only a few weeks ago I couldn't even help myself, nice to feel like you can help someone just by telling them were you've gone wrong yourself!
I was exactly the same for a long time thinking it's not so bad because I always paid my bills and went shopping before I gambled. That was untill my last pay day, I went on the slots before anything else thinking there was no way I would spend my bill money and I did, spent half of my months wage in a couple of hours! (Only left when I did for school run)I was devasted went home trying to work out how I could make the rest stretch and swearing I would never put another penny in them machines again! Untill the next morning I was standing outside waiting for it to open determaind to win some back, lost everything thing. That was the last time i gambled, got home in tears phoned my mam an confessed everything, I already knew had a problem for a long time but doing that showed me how bad it really was and scared me to think I could do that again, and again untill my life was totally ruined.
Stay strong Laura early days are hard and keep updating on here!

Day 21! Being going really well these last few days, barley even thought of gambling but finding today hard. Pay day and trying to work out exactly what I need to pay out and what I need to buy, thinking it's gonna be hard to make this wage stretch and being flooded with the old 'need to try and win just a little bit more' thoughts. Then get in from work to a letter for a new online slot site and bonus code!! I've put it in the bin and came straight on here. I'm not giving in to these ridiculous thoughts but part of me really wants too, just need to get through today then I'll be with drawing any cash I have left after my bills and handing it to my man in morning.

Really pleased to hear you decided to put the letter with the bonus code straight in the bin. Proves it is you who is in control of this and not the evil gambling industry who wants to keep its claws in you and tempt you back to a life of despair and regrets.

Well done on 21 days - brilliant - keep it up!

Thanks muststop, I am taking back control of this now but it still seems to take over me at times affecting my thoughts and my moods, I felt really low yesterday ended up turning off my phone and going to bed early. So glad I did, woke up feeling great! No guilt, shame or regret for me, this is the only winning feeling i'll be chasing from now on!

Its been 4 months since my last post and in that time Ive stopped more times than I care to remember... I had such high hopes for myself and lasted 3 weeks without gambling..then after a few glasses of wine my guard was down and the demon came and emptied my bank account....since then Ive gambled continously for the last 4 months... ive been in denail that its not a problem because I always pay my bills and Im not in any debt..but last night I gambled and lost £2000 in under 2 hours and went to bed with £7 in my bank account...I felt utterly sick to my stomach..i didnt sleep at all and today has been full of shame and remorse..Today has also been the day that Ive given my head a serious shake I think Ive finally realised what an absolute fool Ive been.... Today I have excluded myself from the accounts I had open (there were many!)... Ive cancelled my bank card and when the new one comes I intend to scratch off the last 3 digits on the back of the card...Ive also closed my paypal account to take away any temptation there may be there.... Ive found the courage to read my bank statements and im ashamed to say that over 4 months ive lost over £7000 on spinning the reels...I cannot believe how ridiculous that is and how if I continue down this path then its a road to self destruction...Im embarrassed and ashamed but i know I want to change... so today is day 1 (again!) and tomorrow will be day 2.. I would very much appreciate some help and advise... I know about keeping busy and all the usual things.. I would just welcome any other suggestions after so many fails... thank you

Hi not having fun, I also had a relapse but am back now. Start your own diary, go to recovery diaries and new topic. Write on it everyday exactly how your feeling and read other peoples threads. I can't give much advice since I'm back on day 3 myself but I do find that really helps me. Good luck on your journey hope to hear that your doing well!

Hi not having fun . My situation was very similar to your the last time I gambled . Had a £2k loan and lost it in a few hours . That was the last straw and turning point for me . Try and see this as the same and you can beat this . I’m not suggesting I have it conquered but 92 days ago feels like a lifetime when I have put a lot of distance between myself and gambling mentally and with my blocks . If I can do it having gambled for over 25 years , anyone can do it