Finally given up hope

Deleted

Posted twice so deleted one.

Lifehappens wrote:

Hello, I have never posted on this site before. I have never once gambled in my life, never so much as bought one lottery ticket or even a raffle. I only have viewed it as I used to be in a relationship with someone who had a gambling addiction and I sought to understand it better. That relationship ended I would say because of the gambling which affected every facet of that persons life in some way. Anyhow, I thought my viewpoints may be of interest to you.

Firstly, I want to state that nothing I write here is in anyway meant negatively. I understand this is an addiction and a progressive illness and i do not claim to understand what it is like to live as a person who has a gambling addiction. I see this from the other side of the fence so to speak.

I believe that every single person through work can add value to the world. This is why I work, not only for money. Yes we all need money to live and have our basic needs met such as food, shelter and warmth. Any other money is a bonus to add to our lifestyles for material things. I read recently a newspaper article which included a quote from a judge regarding teenagers who have or have thought about committing crimes for whatever reason. The words in this article are what I believe absolutely and i'd like to share them with you to see if they inspire anything within you: ''We hear the cry 'What can we do? where can we go?' My answer is this: Go home, mow the lawn, wash the windows, learn to cook, build a raft, get a job, visit the sick, study your lessons and after you've finished read a book. Your town does not owe you recreational facilities and your parents do not owe you fun. The world does not owe you a living, you owe the world something. You owe the world something. You owe it your time, energy and talent so that no one will be at war, in sickness and lonely again. In other words grow up, stop being a cry baby, get out of your dream world and develop a backbone not a wish bone. Start behaving like a responsible person. You are important and you are needed. Its too late to sit around and wait for somebody to do something someday. Someday is now and that somebody is you!.'' This article is old, if you google judges words for teenagers you will find it in google images. Despite it being old I believe it is extremely relevant. Everyone can make a difference in the world and everybody is valuable. The world is an amazing place, humans have so much scope, we just need to use it for good. You seem to be very negative about employment, I have found that work gives a person a routine which is good for mental health. I know this from my own experience as well as observing others. A routine helps with things even such as sleeping well at night. People who dont work i have often observed turn night into day. From my perspective the above mentioned article really hits hard as i am empathetic towards other people, i like people and want to help others. You strike me as an empathetic person too, you mention helping your mum in your previous post. Perhaps you could gain employment helping others? This is not out of your reach. Yes you have had your share of problems however have you thought about returning to education? Knowledge truly is power. I myself am in education in my 30's with a part time job. I recieve funding to enable me to have money whilst i complete my studies. This along with my part time wage allows me a good lifestyle. I have read previously that if a person has criminal convictions this can still be overlooked somewhat if they have shown willing to turn their lives around. - I have read this about a social worker who had previous criminal convictions and jail time but that through a return to education, showing commitment to his studies and taking on volunteering he recieved a pardon and was allowed to practice. You could use your experiences to help others, i remember being at school and recieving a talk from someone who had experienced various difficulties in life. This provided a basis for young people to learn from. You need to keep an open mind to the options available to you. There are various third sector organisations who provide help for people with convictions to gain training and ultimately employment. You may be eligible to recieve training for pat testing, construction or food hygeine courses to name but a few, all of these may even allow you to become self employed eventually. The possibilities to you for your future are wide but you need to keep an open mind and seek and accept help. Do you have access to netflix? If you search for minimalism, this is a documentary i watched randomly which i found fascinating and truly opened my mind. It is about people who actively want to live with as few material posessions as possible. They state actually we do not need all this stuff, its a bit like the movie fight club where he quotes something along the lines of 'we buy things we dont need with money we dont have to impress people we dont like.' It sort of goes off of this premise. I am not really materialistic but since watching this i actually gave it a lot of thought and realised its actually true, i have since saved a bit of money from not wanting to buy stuff constantly. We really are the consumer generation, it is kind of ingrained into us. I seen this in the person i used to be with who gambled they always spoke about money and winning the lottery and what theyd buy and i always thought why even give it a second thought? Who actually really cares, most people are so wrapped up in their own lives to even notice. Just live your life, allow yourself to experience real tangible experiences. Enjoy the simple things, like a cup of tea with a friend, sit outside in the sun, or go for a walk in the rain, put seeds out for the birds and watch them - real world things. If you allow yourself time to give it a chance, sit and listen and stop society telling you what you need to enjoy yourself you will find these things refreshing. I imagine your girlfriend for example would love it if you just said to her lets go for a walk and hold hands and actually talk, not anything about money for once lets talk about me and you. I guarantee this would make her day. Open your mind to the possibilities which are not based on suddenly having money. I truly wish you the very best, I believe you have so much value in you, but you need to realise that for yourself nobody else can do it for you.

Great post, very relevant and thank you for sharing.

A great post from PositiveAction. There is no told you so and no satisfaction on any level. I simply hate what gambling is capable of doing to people and I have felt all the desperately low feelings of I cant believe Ive done that and how do I even begin to explain it.

That horrible feeling of having no money and how do I explain this to people close who could help me. Knowing its going to look like greed and stupidity. Facing people who just cant understand why I would think one armed bandits are an income scheme and why I would feed all that money in when I was losing more and more.

A horrible feeling where I feel like Im cheating begging and how do they know I wont do it again. The trust.... my pride all out of the window. The deep sadness and confusion I see in people close who are coming to terms with why I would waste money in this way and self destruct. Feeling like a naughty child because there is no rational explanation. Reasonably well educated but feeling plain daft and like people want to section you. The outward signs are easier to hide and attract less sympathy than other addictions

In the moment it makes sense and it makes no sense. In the final deep stages of addiction, it had become my medication. The addiction has taken over to such a level that it simply became a chemical cosh. The truth is that winning or losing didnt matter...it was all about the chemical feelings of playing.

Its a horrible addiction and it works in just the same way as substance abuse. It pains me to see the confusion it causes because Ive been there. I dont feel smug or holier than thou because I am never complacent with this addiction.

It was a major outlet for my depression. I saw no future and every rejection or hassle from the dwp would act as a major trigger. Any feeling of worthlessness would act as a trigger and I would be in there soothing myself like a shot in the vein..Only that brief escape would soon turn to a trance confusion and empty pockets with bills to pay. I couldnt physically leave even when I sensed that I was wasting money

Fear of bills would act as a trigger. Fear of buying things would act as a trigger. Fear of money would act as a trigger. Then in the end I would have to face that I could have bought all those goods many times over with the money I had gambled away. Im working through a list now of things I could have bought many years ago. Staring at a bank statement with all those cash withdrawals and thinking was that actually me who could do that...why?! Thats one of the hardest things to deal with but it must be dealt with while reaching out for all the help on offer.

So I do understand the feelings and how hard it can be to offer meaningful help and advice.

Best wishes to everyone on the forum