First post

Hi Hagbard - Well, you've made a really good start by joining this site where you will find ongoing support and encouragement. As you have already discovered, the stories here are truly inspiring. I am on Day 19 of my new gambling-free life, and I feel great. Take it a day at a time and try to log on at least once a day - it really will help you.

I hope your wife is progressing well - just think of all the little treats you will be able to give her with the money you will be saving - what an incentive!

I'm sure you will have seen the other tips here such as self-exclusion and blocking software for online sites. Another tip: join the 2014 Challenge, found on the 'Overcoming problem gambling' page - it's a team effort, led by Mr Brightside, where we all check in once a week; it's such an encouragement to feel part of a team where we are all fighting a common enemy.

Best wishes for your journey.

Joanna

Hi Hagbard, well done for posting here after visiting this site several times,

I gambled for twenty years before stopping over five years ago. There was never a time that I was in control, but the last 2/3 years of my addiction, FOBT Roulette took me to unknown territories, and I lost £250,000 in that period.

The strangest thing was that it was easier to give them up than anything else - purely because I knew that, as soon as I made that very first spin, however small the stake, I was lost - I would be spiralling into oblivion within seconds; as you say, all of life's worries float into the abyss until the money runs out, when we have a whole new set of problems to add to the ones we had before.

One of the very last times was when I had my biggest ever win, £7000.00. I booked a nice hotel room, had a good meal, had some drinks, then went back and counted the money out on my bed. I started to feel very depressed (there is always a natural comedown, but this was different) - I knew I could never spend that money, I knew that I would always be thinking about more, or I would tell myself that I needed to keep it in "reserve".

Sure enough, I lost the lot in just over an hour the very next morning. That was the beginning of the end for me - why was I risking everything for money that I could never spend?

You have to ask yourself what you could feasibly live with my friend - if you carried with the FOBT's for another 5/6 years and posted here again, what remnants of your life would you be picking your way through? What is the endgame?

Compulsive gambling turns you into something that doesn't reflect the real you but, after a while, this is all people see and know. If you have a young family, then they will grow up not knowing your potential, and who you really could be, as well as not giving as much as you can to your dear wife.

Regret builds my friend - for some here, it has overridden every other function in their lives; you are in a positon where you can take a different path, and be everything to everyone. Urges are only ever temporary, they soon pass - learn to "ride the storm" and they will lessen greatly in time, trust me on that.

Be honest with yourself - you know what gambling will always be a lose-lose scenario for you. The reason why lifes problems drift away on those machines is based on a lie - you want to believe you can win and walk away; you can't, so you allow yourself to obsess about something that doesn't exist, so you can put the reality of life on hold. You are better than that my friend, you are better than living your life based on a lie.

JamesP

JamesP

You are right - I know you are. The thing that frightens me most, and that others can't possibly understand, is that even though you know what will happen - you still do it.

I am committed to stopping, I need to. And your words do help a lot - knowing that you have felt the same way, have the same urges and managed to overcome them.

Many thanks.

Joanna

Thanks for your welcome and your kind words - and I will definitely join MrBrightside's 2014 challenge.

Have a good weekend

You're welcome Hagbard,

It is the moment you speak of that merits the most attention my friend.

You have to analyze yourself very deeply - you are about to make that first press - how do you feel? Do you feel depressed? Bored? Resigned to your fate? Strong urges? Do you allow yourself to "numb out" what has gone before and all the bad things you have experienced?

As you said, you know what will happen, but you still do it. The question is why, how and to find a way to stop yourself making that fatal first spin - I have walked many miles in your shoes, I know exactly what you are experiencing; the bottom line is that your progress will be limited until you get used to working your way through these urges - I actually used to welcome them in the end, because I knew that each one that I got through would be another step up on the ladder to a better life - it is all about what you will experience, not what you feel at the time.

You need to take this up to the next level my friend, you have a long life ahead of you and people who are going to need the very best from you. These machines will take all of that and spit you out at the end of it - winning money is mental poison to you, fear it, fear it more than losing.

JamesP