First time poster trying to sort out my life

Hi Jasneedshelp,

It looks like you’ve got a very supportive wife by your side and well done for taking a step closer to recovery.

I’ve been coming here for help and advice for nearly 3 Months and I can comfortably say that you’re in the right place.

My situation is slightly different but I can firstly recommend GamStop, GamBan or self exclusion from any local bookies - remove the option to gamble wherever possible.

Your wife is kind enough to bail you out however money and gambling are two separate issues. For me, any kind of bailout and willpower alone wouldn’t have been enough to stop me because the need to gamble has been too strong. I’m subsequently learning the hard way and getting out of debt. It might be an idea to pass over control of finances to your wife and let her give you cash boosters for the basics, get rid of any surplus cash/credit that you have access to that you’d typically gamble with.

There’s GA meetings and Gamcare also offer 121 counselling in certain areas so it’s definitely worth checking out local options near you.

It does make it easier when you’re not facing this alone so now that you’re here, you will always have someone offering a helping hand.

All the best,

Sjr

Thank you sjr, that is a step I have taken, I've given her my card so I have a bit of cash on me for the essentials, I do have an amazing adopted family around me so I hope I can get through this for their sake as well as mine. I was reading other people's stories on here last night and the courage they have is an inspiration I'm going to use. Best of luck to you too and hope everything works out for you.

Thanks, jason

Hi jasneedshelp

Welcome to the forum.

Its a journey of openness, discusion, learning and discovery. Both you and your wife need to know what you are dealing with here and there is no room for complacency. Especially in the early stages its an addiction which rises out of the blue and feeling slightly flush on a wet Tuesday evening can bring it flooding back.

Your wife sound like a fine person and you need to talk to her about keeping her eyes open and not just being a bailout queen. She needs to be fully aware that its a sneaky addiction which requires cold turkey and FULL monitoring of your credit status and everything else. Its not that you are a bad person...more what this addiction makes us do when we feel nobody else understands us and arent looking

You can take a new sense of pride by proving that you can live on a sandwich allowance while providing receipts for anything else that you need.

It is now in the same medical chapter as a drug addiction because it acts in the same way. You can recover as your mind heals because we were under a form of mind control and had an ill relationship with life and money.

Its a complex addiction rooted with issues deep within our souls

As long as you realise that it takes more than just a bit of casual willpower you will be fine.

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

Hi Jason stopping gambling is different to recovery. A bailout sets you free. Enables you to gamble and get more credit. It also stops you taking responsibility. It would be far better for you to put blocks in place and seek real help. Your wife needs to learn about compulsive gambling and how it can affect her. She needs to know that the biggest mistake is to give you money and repay your debt. I know this from experience, I've been the supportive wife! This is a tough addiction to beat, progressive and destructive.

Hi Jason, thanks for posting on my thread, I appreciated that. Take a deep breath and a step back and acknowledge what is important in your life. I guarantee you that the answer will be crystal clear. Gambling is a mugs game and it turns you into someone that you don’t recognise and would never have imagined being like. Sign up to GAMSTOP to eliminate the online betting temptation and this will help you massively. After that there is other support but ultimately the will to stop needs to come from yourself. I’ve realised this and you will find a happy life out there if you really want it. It won’t be easy but there is a light at the end of the tunnel if you can work your way towards it.

Hi guys, thanks for the kind comments and advice, even though I'm only a few days into my recovery I appreciate all the advice and help I can get, only 3 days without a bet but it's a start. Went out tonight as I play for a darts team on a Friday and won the deciding singles which meant a lot after the feelings of the last few days and showed I have people around me who care for me, and I don't need gambling for a thrill in my life, I have so much more than a cheap thrill. It's only a start I know but a baby step is better than a backwards step, the feeling of pride I got when my wife said well done for winning that decider meant so much and I will make it work, and every kind wish and comment will attribute to that so thank you all.

Morning guys, just feel the need for an update and a bit of a release. Today marks a week since I last made a bet which I thought was going to be a small milestone but to be honest it's just brought back how stupid and selfish I've been. The good thing is I can't say I have an urge to gamble even when I see adverts on tv which seem almost constant, even when lads were talking about their weekend bets yesterday, but I am struggling to overcome the feelings of guilt and remorse for what I've done, my wife has been incredibly supportive and it reinforces in me that I never want to hurt her again and with her support and the support of my family I can get through it.

Thanks.

Hi guys, I am in a similar situation to jasneedshelp. I have had an addiction for years but not accepting it because I thought I had it under control and could afford my gambling. Unfortunately that isn’t the case as I blew £17000 in the space of 3 hours. I couldn’t keep hiding it from my other half and after having momentary thoughts of suicide (couldn’t ever as my family are my world) so I told her. I have had to take a loan to cover the money and after 2 terrible days we have planned to clear this and fight this demon. This is a massive step for me as for 20 years I have gambled on fruit machines at 16 years old to gambling in casinos, in the betting shop and the worst for me was online roulette. I feel a massive weight off my shoulders in telling someone. Now she knows I am getting help where I can and make a better and more comfortable life for my family. Next stop counselling. Thanks

To give you steel not to gamble, have a read of this forum every morning

https://www.gamcare.org.uk/forums/family-friends

It's the friends and family board. It's really hard to read and a good way to stop you gambling when you read the harm it causes firends and family