Gamblers parent

Hi lellya I am so sorry  to read your story. I do hope your son listens and reaches out for help.

there are things you can do for yourself and to help him. There are online meetings for GA every evening go to the website, he can talk to others and get support . For you there are meetings on Gamanon website which is for family and friends every evening 7-9 except Saturday. These will offer support and some practical advice from people who have been through the same.

For debt advice there is a charity called stepchange. They will help manage payment plans etc.

please get some help this is impossible to get through alone.

unfortunately it's not a one off and doesn't get better overnight. In my experience and from what my husband says, if you can't access money you can't gamble. Your son could let you manage his finances or get restrictions on his account. 

Emphasise his need for help, he's not well and gambling is his coping mechanism which makes him feel worse. 

Take each day at a time, try not to focus on the debt and money. Focus on getting better.

i think you need to get in touch with an insolvency practioner and start preparing him for the reality of bankruptcy 

gamblers have a terrible habit of only looking for help AFTER hitting rock bottom when there is no money or credit left to gamble 

unfortunately usually by this point the damage is already done and concerned partners/ family members and friends are left running around like headless chickens to try and desperately dig the gambler out of the hole they are in 

the best way to make a gambler learn his lesson is to force him into reality and make him pay the price for his actions 

it is difficult but the only way to ensure a tough lesson is learned 

Hi Lellya.

Im so sorry to see what your son is going through and you are suffering with him. Its hard and this is what gambling does to people. 

I can only advise that he needs your love and moral support to help him see a way through this and see life clearly

Its  a complex addiction linked to depression stress and anxiety. its deeper in a way when the gambler sees no point in life but the devil may care fix which acts like a drug addiction.

I know the feelings that make people susceptible to gambling. I wont go into them now but your son has to realise that his mental health is the most important thing and there is a place for him in life where he can find some peace of mind.

The debts are not important in the greater picture believe me. He is allowed a living allowance and  creditors have to accept a low amount by law. Bankruptcy is an option if it cant be paid. Its a fresh start in many ways and there is not really a stigma these days. Financial institutions are hedged against the risk

What I would say to you is dont throw good money after bad with a bailout. My parents panicked and started paying people off which just caused resentment at the time and later in life. They panicked I panicked and ran. What I should have done is face my creditors with less worry because they cant get money I havent got.

I had similar debts and my father thought that selling my cd player and a few nik naks would make a difference. 

All I really wanted was their love but they made me sell everything that didnt touch my debt level and gave me a harder time than my creditors.

He needs your motivational help to do the paperwork and self exclude...just proper guidance really if he is ready to see the light and have the born again moment. Ideally you should be managing all his money.

Get some financial advice and  a support network then just talk to your son and talk some more. Its about a connection with him and seeing if you can get to the root of how he feels about things

Gambling was never the answer to what I was really seeking. It was simply a drug fix which made me feel alive at one point but then hooked me and destroyed me over time 

Best wishes from everyone on the forum