Hi All,
I have been reading the posts on here for the last couple of weeks. I almost come on here when i get the urge to gamble so i can read about other peoples gambling (makes me feel like im playing) - I cant explain its strange.
Anyway - I was gambling when i first started university and won a few/lost a few in and out of my overdraft. I had £6 on a football accumulater 15 folds and won £19K - life changing money. I spent the next year frittering it away on holidays, new car & rubbish and only small bets so not really into the full swing of gambling then - if i had have realised back then how far it could take me i would have banked it and got a deposit on a house but i wpas young dumb and at uni and thought i was the big man spending big and taking my girlfriend out for nice trips etc...
Fast forward a year later and i had about 3k left, i was on online roullette with my uni housemates and they watched me get it up to 14K - went to bed feeling on top of the world the world was my oyster could travel wherever i wanted etc. spent the next few days furnishing my uni flat properly (mainly my bedroom) and living nicely - no gamling then i went back on a few nights later to try and win and I lost all my money plus my money on my overdraft without realising - I was numb.
Called my dad like a mess and told him what had happened blah blah he offered to buy my new car for my mum and give me her old one as part ex for 6K so i was lucky and out of water again, anyway that 6K didnt last long, ever since then I have been up and down either 3grand into my overdraft, done the payday loans etc.
Ive left uni and ive been working for 2 years now and I have finally been able to save my way out of debt 5K in total when you add up student overdrafts, credit card 500quide limit and loan for 1500, I actually have £2800 plus to my name and no debt and it feels great, In the past ive gambled it all and felt soul destroyed and this has not happend for a good year i lost my interest in gambling genuinely didnt wnt to put a bet on because i never thought i could win and was too scared to lose.
Anyway I was on a night out with my mate and he dragged me to the casino and I said only 100 pound so lost that withdrew more 300 quid later i got luck and doubled up so was in profit for the night, he wwent on to lose and i had to pay for taxi home etc but kepy my money firmly in my pocket and got it in the bank the next day.
since then i have been obsessed with playing roullette in the bookies and online, dreaming about it the whole 9 yards, I said to myself on a suday evening - ive got the whole night to myself and im just going to deposit a £100 quid and havea couple of spins if i win i win if i lose i lose no more after that. anyway 100 lost turns into 150 more deposited, which is lost and turns into 300, then 750 then 750 again and so on, i have 500 pound left to my name that i needed to go on holiday for spends with my girlfriend i had lost around 4.5 K and was facing being straight back in my 3K overdraft i was gutted but still in my frenzy anyway i deposited 250 of it and opened new account on other online casino and away i was on roullette put, all of it on 8 and the splits and numbers surrounding and felt sick and actually started crying into pillow when no more bets came as i new i would never win, anyway bam 8 hits £3100 back on the balance i said right im stopping but didnt and went back down to 2k then hit another black even (i always bet on black even numbers) and i was £5612 in the account all the money back i had lost from that session and £300 profit suddenly i was out of the frenzy and wthdrew it all the urge completely went to play on I had been saved by a higher power i suppose lol but was staring down the barrel of losing %k and being 3 k in overdraft just disgusting circumstances really whcih i worked my **** off to get out of and back on track.
I am still waiting for it to process... pending with an option to reverse of course, money grabbing c***s, anyways i want to track my gambling on here and feel like if i start a dairy and document it I will be less liek;ly to go on, already getting urges to go bookies on my lunch break and just have a 30 quid spin for the pleasure/out of boredom, but i know it will escalate and ven if i lose 30 quid i will feel like im down for the day and wasted money and will need to win it back.
I cant afford to get back into the rut of being 3k in debt with no money and living like a porper, no way can i beg anyone for money either would destroy my parents and gf they thought it was just a phase and its over with now having asked for a penny for 2 years since started work,
sorry for the long story, i just wanted to get it all down and to be honest i enjoy reading the long storys myself, they make for interesting reads. I am aware the figures on here are big and i feel like the 19K win desensitised me to the value of money and its so daft that i am willing to stake £750 per spin on roullette the other night (frenzy night ) iwas talking abpout before... espoescially after barely gambling and only playing fobt on lunch for small stakes in the week after casino trip.
I cant control it I am already excluded from all online sits but theres always new ones, yesterday was my birthday i was so happy i didnt wake up in debt and a loser, i dont want to feel like that again as it feels rock bottom compared to the feeling u get when u win which soon subsides.
today is day 2 of not gambling, withdrawal still fu**** pending but i have no urge to touch it just stressing my **** off because i know they gunna ask for documents and all that **** and i just want the money back in bank so i can start again and get back on track from this ' I woudl say minor blip', but its a huge blip and worries me to the core that i can still gamble like tjis after being stung in the past...
Day 2 feeling good qlthough tempted going to bookies at luch for a couple spins but im going to get a sandwich and come back the office instead.
Hi jlb123.
Welcome to the forum and I hope it was theraputic writing your story. It really helps to be open and honest and I hope you can sit down now and focus on what gambling has done to you.
I have to admit Im not entirely comfortable with everything you have written about winning but I understand that money that comes your way can reinforce the feeling that you are on to an income scheme.
I feel you need to be sure that you are ready to stop and do everything necessary to make the blocks strong. It doesnt work on willpower so we generally advise you to speak to gamcare and to close family about it.
I feel some confusion in you as we have all been there. You need to focus down on your total loss and how the addiction works. If you are a compulsive gambler you have never been in control. I see all the signs of you bailing yourself out of trouble with survival decisions and getting into serious debt.
Gambling ruins people. It leaves them homeless or in prison and thats if they are still around! Ive got to be tough on you to try and help.....its no game of oh I bought some furniture to try and balance it with an upside. Nobody here has really seen an upside to gambling. Its not an income scheme as and when you need it or nobody would go to work.
There is no system on roulette and even Einstein spent some time considering it was a mugs game.
There is a known stage when gamblers just want to stop losing....again we have been there where the initial cry for help can be coded words for" just let me win all the time please".
You will not be able to rationalise any form of gambling to me or anyone else here. I know you dont really mean to. It will shock your loved ones and you know it. However secrets are no good for a full recovery.
If you are ready to stop you need full financial monitoring and living on allowances. You need to be mass excluded from every casino and other gambling den in a wide area if not nationwide. Its no excuse to say there are always new ones as proper blocks will prevent your access to them or to money
The addiction can grab us out of the blue so you need to be ready for no more gambling talk with friends. They need to know you are in full recovery whether they like it or not.
Please keep using the forum and tell us more
Best wishes from everyone on the forum
Hi buddy,
Well done coming here as you've recognised there is an issue with gambling although some of what you have said is a little unsettling.
What you've described is the rollercoaster of gambling. The wins making you feel euphoric, the losses making you feel like a pathetic loser and having no cash. The thing is, amounts won or lost are completely irrelevant, the issue is the gambling. Gambling will eventually win, gambling will ruin your life, gambling will put you in an unimaginable state if you continue. You're doing classic signs of ups, downs, chasing, imagining and all the while gambling will shape your character, typically making us better at hiding our actions, our emotions and ultimately affecting those around us negatively. You're chasing big losses with massive bets which if they don't pull off, can be life changing.
The bit that worries me is about you documenting your gambling here. I hope you meant documenting your recovery, and not your continuation to gamble. It appears you are on a get out of jail free at the moment with your pending winnings waiting to hit your account, but the reality is you carry on, you lose and more money goes into chasing your last loss. Believe me, I was stuck in that pattern a while back.
You mention urges to go to the bookies! Urges are normal, urges are fine, but what are you doing to safeguard yourself when you give into that urge? Have you self excluded from bookies, casinos, online sites, but on gambling blocs on your devices, key words and sites blocked on your router? If you give gambling an opening, it will be back. We are all one bet away from a gambling problem again and some of these bets can take years to recover from. Can you risk that? I allowed gambling back in and it took me nine months to financially recover from that night. The psychological effects last a lot longer. It's all good now, but I cannot bet still even if I try. Not needed to test the blocks, but satisfied they are in place.
It's time to get off that rollercoaster before it derails and finishes you off.
All the best, keep reading, keep posting, nip it in the bud so to speak. You have your whole life ahead of you, don't waste it on a life of misery. We can hardly call that a life!
Take it easy 🙂
Good post Sam. When you finally realise that you are a CG the only solution is to stop, no i'll just calm down my deposits or set limits, it's only stop, that is the only solution hands down. And of course being 100% within yourself that you want to stop, only a CG thats on a recovery road can help you as no one else could understand how someone could risk thier entire months wages on a 5 second spin of a ball, with no bills paid out.
Hi Areturntoabette..., Sam301, Joydivider, thanks for your responses all read and noted,
Im half on here to try and quit but also to suppress gambling urges - i find reading about peoples gambling stories is enough to fullfill that urge - sounds strange..I also use my exact figures and winnings to put in to perspective the rollercoaster journey and the foolishness of my gambling. I sometimes watch gamblers on youtube to supress the urge... this is all literally in the last month I had it all under control and hadnt gambled for a year and even so never as obsessively as i have done this month - espescially on the roullete,
im on here in an attempt to quit but dont feel like there is any point in lying if i gamble and i also planned to quit 3 days ago but its not worked out like that. I also wanted to just vent the story to fellow gamblers alike and actually call myself addicted because i spend so much time pretending to the work lads im winning or that i havnt lost and generally not even acknologing when ive had a bad session just go home and act normal just need to be put in my place and told im an idiot tbf as im too scared to tell people close as they may judge and dont understand
money landed yesterday and self excluded from online bookies it processed from, i even went to my local after work (one nearest to work to exclude and they gave me a sheet said i needed to get passport photos etc... i ended uptaking the forms and saying i will have a goodbye gamble losing £600 in the machines and winning it back and losing it again, so my money is slightly diminished since the withdrawal process, its so wild so today im trying to break the habit and not gamble but even considering going for a blow out session one final one after work its crazy - i feel like i need one last win to beat them before i quit otherwise im thinking about the stuff i could have done with the money i lost like book a spontaneous holiday for me and the girlfriend and it grates at me -
ive got a great month planned city break to milan with the girlfriend then a week in london with a few colleagues working at at a big food show all sharing nice apartment straight after - again i would be devastated if i had no money whilst going on these trips so im going to give the casino a miss tonight and go for a some excercise instead. this is truly day 1.
Sam301 may i ask what your vice was ... roullette ... sports betting? and also do you still play the roullette
Kind Regards
The urges will be normal in the early days but with a period of cold turkey you wont be able to act on them . The urges do die away as you gradually come to your senses about what gambling is.
There is no goodbye gamble and its not a get it back later scheme.
You should have been going straight to that photo booth as its the best fiver you will ever spend. These gambling dens want your money.....they are not your friends to put it mildly and they have calculated everything well in their favour. You cant put things off like I did.
There is no room for half measures,,....you might think you are a grown adult who can control your life but If you dont take this seriously you will be standing there again in a cold sweat because you have blown another thousand or so
I fear you are in a comfort zone and very confused at the moment. You need to do the exercises like writing your losses on paper. Try explaining step by step what you do to your girlfriend or non gambling relative. It will sound very odd in the cold light of day because its not rational behaviour. Its the most irresponsible thing to do with money and its mainly about ignoring the odds.
You are searching for anything positive to show control.......it comes over as casual although you dont really mean to be. Im glad you have holidays booked but if you dont tackle the compulsive gambling what will be the next stage lower for you....The gambling road spirals downwards to ruin
Ive stood in a bookies and the banter is so confused they think they are in a big boys club because they have lost thousands...Ive heard it all..."what you moaning about mate as Ive lost thousands"...as if that makes him a man and qualifies him to put me down! Its crazy.....heroin addicts do it and alcoholics do it because they cant face up to their addicted lives.
I expect your honesty and thats fine. However I do hope you will take this very seriously and stop now.
Best wishes
i must admit i am being slightly naive as i read postson here and think that will never be me but i very nearly was the other day it only takes a moment of sheer madness... gamble free day 2 now the hardest test will be the premiere league and championshp fixtures this saturday and i know if i go in the put an acca on i will end up feeding the roullette, - its crazy to think how many people go on these machines at the bookies they always take your money i think people are half addicted to the habit of sitting down and playing games with fancy visuals it doesnt feel like real money - i know i love the interaction with the machines and the noises etc... sounds bad but true and Ive even become that creepy guy who hovers around people and talks to them about how their session is going etc... going to try and get past this weekend and hopefully will be able to log day 5 on monday.
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