Four years ago i discovered gambling and i wish i could just turn back the clock...
I guess i have always suffered with anxiety and depression,i've also had problems with alcohol and drug abuse but that's all in the past. I'm actually relatively happy now and have a good job and feel generally positive towards life but gambling is preventing me from starting my life.
I read a lot of posts about people hurting their friends and family through gambling. I have isolated myself to such a degree over the last four years that i've got no one to hurt...
I don't date because i want to be free of this before i meet someone and also if i meet someone i would want to be entirely honest with them and that would mean telling them about my problem. I could never do that, i'm too ashamed. I've never told anyone. Maybe that's why i came on here..
Over the last year i had been doing better. I had set a goal of saving 10k for a house maybe.I think i had also set this goal in my head as a point where i could begin to forgive myself. I was was up to almost 8k and starting to feel confident which led me to gamble....over the last month i have lost 5 thousand.
I hate myself. I need help.
Welcome to recovery 🙂
You're not alone in distancing yourself from people you may hurt, problem is with no one out there to turn to, it's easier to justify hurting yourself which is what gambling is! I found recovery because @ the ripe old age of 40 ish I decided it was about time to jump down off of the shelf & get me a life & then realised gambling was very much hampering it! I came clean, asked for help & am now happily married not to mention gamble free...Recovery is possible (Ade2 told me that & he's right)!
If you've had other addictions, it's quite possible that you've swapped them for gambling which is apparently textbook stuff so I'm learning & I'm just wondering if you had help breaking them? Or whether you are being looked after by your GP or other service in relation to your depression? GamCare offer counselling services which you may find useful?
Don't hate yourself, we're not bad people, we just need a bit of help getting back onto the right path! Pick up the phone, have a read round the site, maybe try the evening chat rooms or a GA meeting.
Draw that line once more & start pushing forwards again - ODAAT
Thanks Odaat,
Yes you're probably right. I have been trying to find a suitable counsellor, it's definitely something i need to do.
I'm just so angry at myself and feel hopeless...I'm not gambling away money i'm gambling away my friends,family,girlfriends,holidays,experiences,memories,happiness
I just want this to be over
I hear you, it took me a long time to realise that it's not just about the money & I live with the shame of what I did everyday but the shame is easier to live with than the pain I was in!
It may not feel like it & I'm not going to lie & tell you it's going to be easy but you have the power in you to make it so - ODAAT
Hi Paddy,
Look for a local GA meeting, these people become your "family and friends" in your recovery. Don't be worried in any way everyone is in the same boat. Go and speak or just sit and listen.
I knew I had a serious gambling addiction, found this web-site (like you have, this forum is important to me), called the GamCare help-line and also attended GA meetings. Do the same my friend, that's all the advice I can give, it's working well for me.
Thanks.
One last attempt to recoup some of my losses. Down £300 so far.
No words for how i feel....
I don't know how i can go on
Paddy stop now. Stop, you know there's only one way this is going to go. I've read your earlier posts, just remember how much you've got to lose, like you said, it's not just the money. Go to bed, tomorrow is a fresh start, come back and let us know how you are. Have you called Gamcare yet? They can arrange counselling, there is also live chat on each evening which appears to help a lot of people on here, particularly newcomers. Sending you strength, but please stop.
Twinklyr
How are you today Paddy? You've been playing on my mind.
Twinklyr
Thanks for your concern Twinklyr.
I'm a bit of a mess. I lost £500 yesterday bring my total loss over the last few weeks over 5k leaving me 2k of savings. Went to work today and as always put on show....
I just can't believe i'm in this position again. This time i really feel beaten as i was so sure this could never happen again...i'm just struggling to see the light at the end of the tunnel.I know the reality is not so bleak but it's hard to see it at the moment.
I know if i put my head down and work and save i can reach my goal of 10k savings by the end of the year but i was telling myself the very same thing this time last year... and also it means another year of no holiday no fun no life....
Hi Paddy,
Glad to see you're back on here posting. Let last night be the last time you will ever feel that lost, and today the last day you will ever have to put on a show to cover the guilt and shame of a gambling binge. The cg's on here will all know exactly how you feel, questioning how on earth you could have got yourself into this position again. But, there is light at the end of the tunnel, you just have to find your way towards it. Have you considered GA or counselling? I don't ask that from a position of knowledge as I haven't been to either myself, just wondering if it's something you have thought about?
One last thing, you might not be able to afford a holiday this year, but that doesn't mean you'll have no fun or no life. Everything seems hopeless at the moment, but it's not. In a couple of weeks you'll be able to start to see the wood for the trees. It's not easy, you know that already, but stopping is certainly easier than carrying on because carrying on means continuing to feel like you did last night.
Best of luck Paddy, we're all here for you.
Twinklyr
Hello Paddyl123 and welcome to the forum
Our helpline is open 8am -midnight and advisors will listen to your concerns and can give you information and help on support available to you. There is counselling available and we can help you find your nearest counselling services there are many across the Uk. GamCare helplines are open 8am -midnight everyday the helpline number is 0808 80 20 133 and you can also contact us on the netline http://www.gamcare.org.uk/support-and-counselling/frontline-services/netline#.Vv-IaPkrIdU
Keep posting we are here to support you
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