hi my name is terry and I have been gambling since I was 17 years old and I am now 42. I think I must of lost over ВЈ160000 over all the years I started to gamble. My most recent gambling was yesterday the 30 Sept were again I lost over ВЈ1200 on fonts, horses, football bets and online casino. I know myself I have always had a problem but I just cannot control this addiction and it is destroying my soul. I was married and have 3 boys but that marriage broke down I was with my ex for 14 years and that was all down to gambling. I have done so many bad things to get money it is shocking. I cannot say what I have done to get money to gamble but it is really bad. I have never stole money from people but I have done other things which makes me feel like I am s**m. I have a lovely gf who has not got any idea I have a gambling addiction as she lives in a different country and I get to see her twice a year. I am suprised I have actually got to see her as I find it so hard to save money as I normally spend it on gambling. When I do get to see her which was most recently I was gambling online and was gambling with my holiday spends. Now gambling was restricted where I was but I downloaded a vpn which allowed me to gamble online. I was lucky I never lost all my money. At one point I was down to my last ВЈ300 and I still had 2 weeks left of my holiday but I placed a ВЈ100 on a horse at 4-1 at ig won so I got ВЈ500 back and withdrew it. I am writing this message now after only having 5 hours sleep because I placed a footy bet at 12am and had to stay awake till 2am when the football had finished. My bet lost and it was a £40 4 team acca with each of my 4 teams with odds of 4/11, 4/6, 4/9 and 5/6 and only one team won. I now have no money and I do not get paid to the end of October. I live with my mother who is very ill. My mother knows that I have gambled as she has seen what effect it has on my life and I cann9t tell her again as she would lose all trust and ask me to leave her house. I have caused so much suffering in people's lives including my own. This disease is evil and even though I know that when I am gambling it is destroying me, I just cannot stop. I lose most of the time abot 95% of the time I lose but I just think like every gambler does 'just one more bet just to grt the money back I have lost I will then stop gambling. I have been in situations where I did win my money back for my losses that day but I would still gamble it as I wanted to win just abit more. I have a job which does not pay much but at least it is a job and I have my health which money cannot buy, but i just feel that my life is going nowhere now. I have a lovely gf who wants to spend her life with me and in order for this to happen then I need to seriously save my money as she does not have much money and i would say everything is down to me to make things happen with my gf as I am the one who travels 6000 miles to see her and I have to save for my spending money etc. I am so fed up with this life that I am just living a lie to the people I love. I am living with this demon on my shoulder and living my life as If everything is normal. I am chasing that big win that I know will never come but I cann9t stop. I am 42 and heading towards the later part of my life now but I am still the same person as I was when I was 18 still gambling and still lying. I know deep down there is a good person with a good heart but at the moment i am putting myself under so much mental pressure it is making me into an even darker world. Please help me as time is running out for me. Thanks for reading.
Hi Terry
"Gambling is ruining my life"
It is and also hunderds of thousands of other peoples lifes who have come here over the years, some people will stop for a week or two, a month a year. But for you, if to want to stop it ruining yours you have to stop by a method that will work for you. Like you I have a big debt was also married for 14 years(spooky) but 49 days ago I had lost to gambling, had it ruined my life. Not ruined but totally it wanted me to think that and it had me, properly had me, yes in that very dark place. But you can beat it Terry, stop today.
thanks for your reply I think all us gamblers experience the very same thing. I need to stop and be constructive in what I do. Starting now I am going to give it 100% and I need to go to GA meetings. Thanks for your reply appreciate it.
Hi Terry
First of all most people on this site can relate to your story in certain ways ! Welcome to this site and well done on posting on here as sometimes this is the hardest thing to do !!!
Like yourself I also gambled from an early age and have had a few substantional periods from gambling and I am now 279 days GF and I must say it feels so much better not to be lying and wondering where I'm going to get my next lot of money to have a bet and try and win back the money I've lost !! I would hate to calculate the total amount of money I have lost over the last 26 years !! You have got to WANT to stop gambling for the recovery program to work, I won't kid you it's not easy but as I said earlier life feels so much better whilst not gambling and I know I have got no more chances with my wife and 2 boys on the gambling front and so don't want to lose them and this is my drive for not gambling and I believe everyone needs something like this to help them along this long and bumpy road to recovery. Also one thing us gamblers have to do is be open and honest, something we are not use to doing in order for use to lead a better life !!
I would say yes definitely try attend your local GA meeting as I have to travel 80 miles to my nearest meeting but the people in these rooms can relate to everything you have done and are no different to yourself, also it's worth giving the gamcare helpline and maybe some councilling from them. Hope you can get sorted soon mate and things will get better but you have to WANT to stop gambling !!
All the Best
Darren
Hi Terry First of all most people on this site can relate to your story in certain ways ! Welcome to this site and well done on posting on here as sometimes this is the hardest thing to do !!!
Like yourself I also gambled from an early age and have had a few substantional periods from gambling and I am now 279 days GF and I must say it feels so much better not to be lying and wondering where I'm going to get my next lot of money to have a bet and try and win back the money I've lost !! I would hate to calculate the total amount of money I have lost over the last 26 years !! You have got to WANT to stop gambling for the recovery program to work, I won't kid you it's not easy but as I said earlier life feels so much better whilst not gambling and I know I have got no more chances with my wife and 2 boys on the gambling front and so don't want to lose them and this is my drive for not gambling and I believe everyone needs something like this to help them along this long and bumpy road to recovery. Also one thing us gamblers have to do is be open and honest, something we are not use to doing in order for use to lead a better life !!
I would say yes definitely try attend your local GA meeting as I have to travel 80 miles to my nearest meeting but the people in these rooms can relate to everything you have done and are no different to yourself, also it's worth giving the gamcare helpline and maybe some councilling from them. Hope you can get sorted soon mate and things will get better but you have to WANT to stop gambling !!
All the Best
Darren
thanks for the reply Darren. It is great to hear you say you have been gamble free and that your life is so much better, well done as this journey is a tough journey as you stated.
I have called gamcare and they have gave me a number for counselling which is great. I will be posting on here everyday now and just hope I can get the support I need.
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