Gambling monster within

Hi, some great words and thoughts here, but can you sustain from trying to repair the damage you/machines have brought upon you. I have lost a lifetime of savings (my pension pot basically). I now have to limit myself to a very strict spending plan for the next 9 years of my working life. Having been and I stress 'been' a 'large stake' gambler, to limit myself to a really tight plan for a long time is going to be tough. Having been 'online' deposited £K2 and won £K4 reasonably quickly several times, the necessity to spend only £K2 in a total year for food and drink (£40.00 per week) for the next nine years, leaves way to more and more gambling thoughts. So the decision I took to quit 11 days ago which needs fulfiiling for 3,285 days is going to be the toughest thing I have ever done in my life. I hope me posting this to you will help you completely and I mean completely quit for your little girls sake.

When I say about the damage I simply mean 'I feel like I've been , will I've entred myself , into a self damaging zone ' If you know what I mean ? I 'm sorry to hear about your problem , I hope you are ok . Luckily I haven't gotten myself into debt and don't owe money but it's still all the same no matter how much we gamble or how much is spent . I blame the machieans as It makes me angry with them and hate them . That way in my mind I will fight against it . It's just my way of staying away .

The damage I'm on about is the depression gambling has caused .I need to repair and undo what I've done to myself . It's my way of trying to understand why and how I became a gambler . It is not meant to offend , so I'm sorry if I upset you xx It's everything which I'm thinking when I'm gambling and how I feel . And I will quit , I'm not going to say try anymore . Iv'e managed to stay in and not get my money out the bank because I no longer want to feel this horrible depression . I'm giving my money to my Dad to mind and only going to pay bills , shoppin e.c.t at weekends when my kids are with me . I've stopped smoking for 11 months now , that was sooooooooooo hard as I was chain smoker . If I can do that , i can do this . I hope everything is ok and your getting back on your feet . I'm sure you will beaat it , good luck xx

Painful to read but what you said I resonate and identify with ... almost every word. Those feelings that become blurred as if time has stopped when your mid flow in a gambling frenzy. As if demon possessed then the spell breaks ... and we are left stunned breathless and ashamed as we walk away with empty pockets. I have lost count of the amount of lies I have told to "borrow" the money I lost back. Cheated and conned people usually those closest. So you are defo not alone. Now maybe your starting a long and hard journey but through this journey will come knowledge and understanding of your addiction and hopfully you will equip yourself with the tools to stay gamble free even though we all remain addicts for life. 1 Bet is one too many.

The depression that comes from gamble is real and is painful but being aware of it gives us a chance to overcome and beat those feelings. Knowledge is power and I personally am doing everything I can to learn as much about this addiction and utlimately myself in order to over come it. You have 1 bet free day under your belt. Kudos to that and to NOT going to the bank. Here is to day 2 !!!!

Still haven't been the bank and I'm going shopping tomorrow with my little girl to buy some crayons and books e.c.t .

Colour then film for us with goodies . I need to try and focus my mind on other things and keep busy otherwise the urge comes back . I'm going to plan my week next week and keep as busy as I can . If I feel any kind of weakness I'm going to log on here quick .

Planning is good and putting as many blocks and reasons in place NOT to gamble such as what you are doing tomorrow. So much better to spend your own money on your little girl, than the slots. Think of the fun n joy it will give her 🙂 and compare that to the misery and glut of all those other cronic emotions that come when we waste time gambling. Keep at it!!

Iv'e put my real name ' wendy ' exclude the woo bit lol . It felt weird when some one said 'hi no more ' ha ha .

ha thats good "Wendy" it is a easier name to say 🙂 hope your bearing up okay today/

Hi Deeno I'm fine not gambled all day 🙂

Hi Wendy its great to hear you have not gambled today. Really good! If you can do it today you can do it tomorrow. Keep working on yourself. As for those ads, they will keep appearing for some time as they pick up your general sufing habits. And no doubt like me you would have checked out gaming sites of one kind or another. They will eventually disapear and be replaced by some other junk. The gaming comps pay social networks to advertise its standard stuff. I dont think they work together although it may seem that way.

But no matter adverts or not try rise above them. We will always be exposed to temptation ... even walking down the highstreet or turning on the TV. The key is to rise above that temptation. The battle is fought and won inside. With each day between yourself and gambling it will get easier!

Im doing okay today. Just been working flat out. Trying to earn money. I work for myself from home. Its a pittance compared to what I lost and what I have wasted but its a start. No gambling today ... no gambling tomorrow. Keep fighting!

wendywoo wrote:

Hi Deeno , how's your day been? . I hope all is well ?

Iv'e not gambled at all , Iv'e been out and done everything I set out to do plus more 🙂 . I not going to surrender anymore ! .

My only tempation , believe it or not is my facebook free game .

I've been clicking all the betting adverts on my page but they keep appearing .

Iv'e come to the conclude that the betting companies collude together inorder to attack our subconscious through these social networking sites . It's complete PROPAGANDA at it's worst . Facebook being a classic example . It has been suggested that they make money out of advertising for the above companies that's why they keep harrassing people with gambling adverts .

Good stuff Deeno and well done 🙂 🙂 .

I had thought's of '' I might go the Bingo in a few months and just take a limbited amount of cash ?, I wont play the fruit machieans though and will stick to just Bingo '' . I'm kind of realising that , that is an urge , i think ? .

That was earlier on , when i think back.......? , I was trying to delude and bargain with myself with thought's of 'it's ok' when I know now that it's not !!!! That in my mind is the sly Demon gambler addiction at work , trying to persue , decieve and maniputale me into thinking it's ok to fall off the wagon in a month or two .

It sounds a bit crazy when I put it across like that !!! . It's the only way to describe it , as the illness makes a kind of unscrupulous person appear when we gamble . It feels like a battle of the Devil and Angel situation people often describe .

Looking at it from the above view 'Demon ' it's quite scary how much it changes a persons true inner being , personality and perception on life . I never want to go back to that place again . And I hope I don't . I think the thing is to try and find a new found love for life and respect what we have and not what we can gain .

When I wasn't gambling I enjoyed sitting in my back garden after mowing the lawn and tending to all my flowers . All of the flowers where in full bloom , it was late but the rays of the sun where sparkling through a tree as the warm breeze swept accoss my face giving the most calm , tranquil , happy and content feeling ever . I was at peace , embracing every part of what beauty lay before me . How can life be so cruel yet so beautiful ? how can life be so simple , yet so bloody crazy ? I thought that day and when i listerned to the birds and wood pigeons singing I felt amazing inside . I remember it well as I vowed to saviour that moment if anything ever went bad for me . I vowed to remeber how simple we can make life be if we just paused a little to see what's infront of us . I 'm a deep thinker from time to time and when I'm happy , i have good judgement and perspective on things. The memories of that day have came flooding back to me today . Maybe because I've had 2 days without being isolated and secuded in my gambling frenzy ?. I'm glad they have though and I 'm glad I had plent of those moment before gambling crept into my life . Each night or day I'm going to relax and remeber how at ease I was and how I 'will' fight and regain my freedom and power back .This site and people have really opened my mind . I'm waking up and from a hypnotic , surreal state of mind . Time to claim whats mine ' my life '.

Sorry if I'm a bit deep. xx

In making a compromise for "Limited" gambling that is the addiction speaking to justify actions. It may sound very reasonable that in a few months you will pop along to bingo , play a few games and walk out. Then you will go back. Maybe have 1 more "try" it was fun no harm done. And then it begins and at some point you put your first quid into the slot. And your back at the same point you were before. Our mind is good at playing tricks on us even though we "control it"

I remember 1 night a few years ago. I was out with friends. We went to a casino. I had stopped gambling for a while. After half an hour I thought okay lets do 30 quid. I could afford it no problem Roulette. I won some money. Was drinking having fun. The next few hours after that point I dont remember much. I do remember around 6am being back home. Tired, wasted, dehydrated. And the small issue of the 7 grand I had subsequently gambled and lost. Over the next 2 weeks I went on probably one of the biggest tilts of my life. Somewhere close to 40,000 quid. Lots of it stolen from my companys account. Limited company. The money is held secure in a bank. Until the director (me ) decides to gamble it away. All that from my choice to have a little bet one night in a casino after been clean months.

Dont do it. Dont convince yourself a harmless game of bingo can be contained. Truth is it cant. Rather what about that lovely Garden you have ? Winter is here. Red Robbins, christmas, and then sooner that we think Spring time. You have much to gain and all to live for. This is your chance your moment to get your life back! Glad you shared what you have above thanks!

Wow all that money Deeno , o*g . You had a bad relape hun , so sorry to hear that .

Your advice is soooooooooooo good and comforting . I wont bother going the Bingo as I know myself that's where it begins . I will have to fight the feeling with all my might . There is no point in barring myself again as there is lots of Bingo's I could venture to and plenty of bookmakers around . I think if I'm going to do this , I have to face it full on and be strong enough not to give in . I'm faced with alsorts of temptations but I cannot fear it but conquer it .

Once I show the addiction that I'm not in control by having the run from my weakness , for me , my addiction will strenghen . I have to say 'NO' reject it and slay it . It was the same with quitting smoking . I had a terrible time but I knew if I smoked just one I'd be back and 11 months on from being a chain smoker , I haven't had 1 not even a P**f . I had similar urges 'stronger than these ' but never gave in and people where smoking everywhere . I didn't surrender and trembled and craved when I would go to my sisters and she would be smoking . After a while all that started to subside , and the urge to smoke became less and less . Now I don't even think about it and cant stand it .

I cant believe I ever smoked and seriously dont ever think I will again . It made me that ill giving up with sickness , head acres , sweats , shakes and complete and utter toucher I never want to repeat it again . So I'm going to try and see it the same as that and try to deal with it the same as that . It makes thing seem easier . You are right , It only takes one go and I will be off . My head told me the same and I didn't listern whilst giving up smoking . Oh and how I ued to love a f*g 'YUCK'. I hope it works for me . Iv'e got to be possitive and so do you .

United we stand , Devided we fall , xxx :0

Hi Wendy glad you did NOT go to he bingo. Imagine how you would feel now ? What I do to try stop myself from gambling is pause and think of that horrible feeling I get after I have lost. I focus on that rather than all those mad dreams we have about hitting it big. Even when (I) hit it big on rare occasions it made no difference it always goes back with interest as I have said.

I would though maybe consider self exclusion from the bingo place. And if they are more bingo places exclude from them also. In fact you can hit every bookmakers and every bingo site within reach over a matter of days. Plus its exercise 😉 Get the happy hormones pumping around your body. Just a thought! But for me exclusion has been a help. I exclude from as many websites as I can and at this moment dont have 1 account I can play at. Same goes for high street bookmakers apart from 1 near me which I will be self excluding from on Monday. I agree it ultimatley comes down to us as people to be responsible for our own addiction and overcoming it. But having some blocks in place and having tools we can use such as forums like this can make things a little easier.

I also quit smoking 2 years ago so i know how tough that was and how good it feels not to do that anymore.

One final thought. When I think of gambling I use the vomit analogy. Which is when I am thinking about going to a casino online I image an image of a dog returning to its own Vomit and eating it. The dog is me. The vomit is my addiction. It may seem extreme and is pretty disgusting lol but do it enough times and the mind will start to assosiate the feelings of wanting to gamble to a pile of warm vomit I am about to eat. Not nice but neither is gambling 😉 and on that happy note I bid you and everyone else here on this site a good night and Gamble a free tomorrow!

Hi Wendy.. fruities are my nightmare too.. ibe spent thousands on themy and lied to my family more times that I can count on my fingers ando toes because of these demons.. ice stole money from my partner I've stole money from my mum. They know about my addiction but they think it has stopped and im in control. .. obviously not. I'm 38 weeks pregnant and could really do with a good kick...
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