Got to be the last

im not sure it do mary im new to this site to now in my 4th day and have not gambled as Alan 135 keep telling me one day at a time and work on the postives we have in our lifes. in some ways im a lot like you put things in place then delete them when ive had a few drinks we just need to change our way of thinking. stay strong. And to be honest i do find this site is really helping. others sharing the same demons we do and we can beat it with the help of others. dawncarol xx

Thanks dawncarol for your reply it meant a lot ....I can feel the tears coming as I have kept this to myself for years and to offload is making me feel quite emotional. I hope i can stay strong because I don't want to live like this anymore. Have you used the helpline, I was thinking it might do me good to talk to someone but don't want to speak to family or friends as I cannot stand the shame.

No Mary i have not used the help line but my partner now knows about my addiction to gambling. The emtional ups and down the mood swings the guilt i feel for all that i have blown over the years and most of all the shame have gotten to me in the last few days. im thinking of joining a GA group in my area going to be hard making that first step but i made a first step by joining up to this site. Together we can win this battle try and stay strong and postive it would help if you can just find one family member or friend that you can trust to talk to. i do pop on here everyday sometime 2 or 3 times as i find it helps to write down what im feeling so feel free to write and i will alway get back to you maybe together we can support each other dawncarol 🙂

I understand how difficult that would be... perhaps there just comes a right time to go along to GA to get the extra support and reassurance. You can only but try...good luck. I would be interested to hear how you get on. I wonder if we can ever accept losing all the money and the guilt of not being in control. I've never felt this level of shame in my life. I am shocked at how weak I am at trying to control this addiction. Day 1 of my gamble free life. That's great to know you are there for me and I am here for you. x

Hi Mary,

In answer to your original question yes - the urges do leave. When? - that depends on the individual. Do they ever leave - unfortunately not but they lessen through time and the mind adapts in time to deal with them.

You must try and remove all barriers to gambling. If that meant the kindle got a kicking good on you. You may want to consider a different type of card which will not allow you to gamble such as a cashcard only.

Confide in gamcare, confide in family but do whatever it takes to halt this horrible addiction.

Well done on posting and keep posting. Keep reading diaries and posts. We are all still learning on ways to beat this.

Best wishes

Thanks Balvaird for your advice, but I know I won't say to my family. I hate the thought of them knowing. I went for a bike run today and felt so low but by the time i got back was feeling better. Perhaps concentrating on getting my body healthy will have a knock on effect on my mind. The low mood after a session gambling is so bad it makes you vow not to do it again but after a few days the mind seems to forget how bad it felt and the adrenalin at the thought of playing kicks in. I know I won't get my money back but maybe I will eventually get my self respect back.

Hi Mary how you feeling this evening better than you did this morning i hope. Ive had a great day today with my partner and my godson so feeling very postive this evening the weekends are a nightmare for me as thats when i use to do most of my gambling so no gambling for me tonight so proud of myself made it though day 4 if i can do it you can too flower best wishes dawncarol 🙂 x

Hi dawncarol. glad you've had a great day. I had a good day out cycling and my mind felt better but sitting here on my own I can feel myself starting to brood ...your message has given me strength again..thank you. We will not gamble today and as you say we can do this. enjoy your nite my friend x

Mary 111 wrote:

I cannot believe I am writing on this site. My gambling started as a way to switch off from worries and developed slowly into a compulsive habit. I kept thinking i could beat it and i would be strong enough to stop. But I was only lying to myself. I have gambled £9000 since February this year and a lot more in the 2 years before. I excluded myself from sites i used and put gamblock on my computer....felt better thinking that would end it for me. But I suppose when the urge is so strong you look at any way you can to get gambling. I started then playing on my kindle as I couldn.t put the gamblock software on that. I put K2 on it but would delete the software when i wanted to play then download it again. Again, kidding myself on. Last week i gambled £800 and vowed if i ever played it again I would smash the bloody thing. Last night after being out for a few drinks lo and behold went on again lost £250 then my card got declined. So angry with myself I got a hammer and went outside and smashed the kindle. So now I have nothing to play on and I hope this will be a new start ...gamble free. Does the urges to gamble every totally leave?

Many say the urges do leave. That they never think of gambling ever again.

Some however don't. not sure which you'll be.

Hi Mary , Just to say your not weak anymore, because youv'e already taken control of your life back simply by coming on this site . Thats you and not gambling controlling you anymore , so well done for that !! The exercise is a great way of clearing your mind and focusing on something other than gambling , as they say a healthy mind a healthy body , [ not sure thats the right way around but you know what I mean ] , And I think the thing thats helped me the most to stop now , is that Iv'e finally let go of all the money Iv'e lost , I'm no longer looking to get it back , I'm not chasing it and I dont want it back . because like most compulsive gamblers if I won it back I'd just have another bet ! and so it goes on and on the same every day !! Forgive yourself and move on Honey ! Were all here for the same thing , none of us can change what's gone but we can change what we get out of life from now on !! Remember Little steps and each day as it comes !! Take Care Mary . Alan who will not gamble today !!

Hi Mary i know what you mean about being on your own thats when i start to brood,my partner works away 8 weeks at at time if not more, My daughter gos away to uni on Monday so that leaves me and the two dogs peppa shes a grey hound and marley will hes a little mix. Im trying not to think about them going i know myself thats when im going to have to dig deep and find that strenght i know i need to stay gamble free. Im even thinking about it now. but must remember i have so much more to lose than money. and it also helps i have others to talk to about the way i feel who understands. so here's to you and me Mary and all the other users on here who have had another gamble free day under all our belts only one way to go flower and thats up,

Hi,

Every day you don't gamble your self respect returns. Remember to look forward. You can't change the past but you can determine your future. One day at a time. Tomorrow I will not gamble.

Best wishes

i'm gobsmacked and disgusted at how my mind does not comprehend the money i put into on-line slots. I was brought up being thrifty and budgeting. Even now I look for bargains buy out of second hand shops and e-bay and yet can blow £1000s in a week then have to juggle. I could go into Harvey Nicks and go crazy with what I spend on on-line slots ...yet I wouldn't dream of spending money in Harvey Nicks Where is the sense. It's like I'm 2 different people.

Hi Mary that is my problem when i gamble on line i just put in my card number and i dont really see it as money untill my card gets reclined, then i have to juggle the bills for the rest of the month. I have to juggle more now with my daughter off to uni tomorrow as we as a family are paying for everything so going to be like running another home so can not afford to let my guard down as my daughter's future is at stake now not just mine. We cant think about the money thats in the past its gone we need to look to the future and all the good things we have to look forward to. good luck ur friend dawncarol who will not gamble today 🙂 x