Got to be the last

Hi dawncarol your daughter going to uni will give you a focus and a reason not to give the casino's your money. You sound a strong and caring woman and I'm sure this strength will keep you going with your struggle. We will take ownership of this devil called gambling. from your friend Mary who will not gamble today 🙂 x

Thank you Alan and Balvaird for your kind words. i cannot believe the support and strength I have gotten in the last couple of days since posting on here ... it means a lot. I know what you mean about winning..it just encourages us to keep gambling then comes the darkness again. Living in the light is where we want to be.

Hi Mary, well done to you for joining this site and turning your back on gambling! You will learn so much from the diaries about how addictive online slots are. They are designed by experts to lure us in and keep us playing. I can relate to all the things you have said on your diary. Every day you don't gamble, you are a winner. Nobody wins on the slots. It just looks like they do. They throw it all back in and more. Every morning you wake up, be proud that you don't have a gambling hangover. Set yourself small rewards. This seems to be very important in the early days. Don't look too far into the future. Just take it hour by hour if the urges are strong. Your brain is used to the highs of gambling so the urges are natural. Your brain is craving the highs. They will pass and you will get stronger. There are lots of success stories on here and smashing the kindle shows you are serious about quitting!! Take care, Suzy

Good morning Mary im just home from work just checking in to see how you are today and i hope your weekend went as well as mine your friend dawncarol who will not gamble today 🙂 x

Hi dawncarol got a lousy cold today..i'm sure the stress off gambling at the weekend has run my system down. I don't have the temptation to gamble so much during the week, seems to be worse at weekend so this weekend will be a telling time. Glad to see you are staying strong girl. x

Hi Mary, welcome to recovery 🙂

I spent years trying to beat this vile addiction to no avail until this site & others gave me the tools I needed to do so...Drawing a line under my losses & accepting that I could never gamble again was the biggest turning point for me! I am currently on a straight bit of the rollercoaster that is recovery & have not had any urges for a while! I keep Mr Gamble closely in my sights though as I don't want him to creep up on me when I am not expecting him!

We cannot win because we cannot stop but by stopping we win everyday 🙂 Phone the helpline, take them up on the offer of counselling (you gambled to escape & will need different tools to manage those worries now), get to GA, downgrade (use a hammer if that is your weapon of choice...Congrats on following through on that one) all your devices to ones that support blocking software, report your bank card lost & then scratch off the security number on your new one, start a recovery diary, take up a new hobby (GT has a thread on tips for keeping busy) do whatever it takes to get your Time-Money-Location triangle broken...Recovery is possible (as I love to quote Ade2) - ODAAT

Hi Mary how are you today hope your feeling better then you did with your cold, im good now on day 8 feeling a bit down so read a few posts made me feel a bit better knowing im not the only person out there with this addiction. we are trying to get a third mortgage and i could be the one messing it up with the gambling so dont feel good about myself today, My partner is being really good about it saying whats done is done we cant change it. well thats enough about my problems as you have your own. Really do hope you are feeling better speak soon my friend your friend Dawncarol who will not gamble today 🙂 x

Hi dawncarol Cold still lingering but feeling bit better. I feel the same I get a bit down and brood on all the money I lost and as you say readin the posts puts it in perspective. As I keep thinking if I have another go I might win some back...but as you know doesn't work like that. You are doing well and keeping so focused and I'm sure you won't mess up as you sound strong ...keep strong my friend. You partner sounds lovely and cares for you very much. x

hi Odatt drawing a line under my losses seems to be what I'm struggling with. Reading stories about CG who get the big win plays on my mind as I think mybe I would get the big win. Since starting gambling 4 years ago I never had a big win. Then I say to myself if I get the big win it wouldn't be enough and would chase it again. So don't go there. How long have you been gamble free?

Hi Mary , just a quick note to say well done on youre road to recovery It's not easy but youv'e come so far already ! Like you I know full well that even if the big win came, I'd still be trapped in the win , lose . chase cycle ! And my life still wouldn't change !! All the best and stay strong ! Alan who will not gamble today ,

You have 2 choices Mary, draw a line under the money that has gone & start living again or throw even more life & money away chasing it! You are absolutely right not to kid yourself that the big win would ever be enough...If by some miracle it did come, you are a compulsive gambler & bit by bit you would gamble it all away & more, chasing what you once had & hating yourself even more than you do now!

I quit chasing my losses just over a year ago (after a lifetime of trying) & it took me a long time to understand that this addiction is not just financial! Recovery requires a lot of time & effort, nothing more than you probably gave gambling over those 4 years & @ times it hurts because without the mask of gambling you you have no choice but to have a good hard look @ yourself! Learning to accept & then like what you see is what will set you free!

You need help but you can do this - ODAAT

Great words ODAAT.

Carry on and risk loosing everything Mary. Just not worth the risk IMO

Stay strong your doing great

Thank you for your kind and harsh words Odaat. I was taken aback when I heard those words back to me 'you are a compulsive gambler'. Seeing the words made it seem more real and is made me feel quite emotional. I have a lot of work to do on myself ..I realise that now. I have went through lots of trauma in my life..like many people here. I have dealt with it on my own and the addiction has been an escapism. The harsh reality on this site is tough as it creates emotions which i have been used to supressing. when i feel stronger I would like to give as much support back as i've been given. I am feeling extremely weepy, sitting crying typing this just knowing people care. ...perhaps this is a healing period for me. Without this support I know I would not stop ...so thank you all again

We will offer you all the support we can through cyber space but there ain't nothing so good as having someone on side for real! I get the shame & fear but this addiction thrives on secrecy & outing it takes away some of it's leverage! Have a look @ Mr Brightside's exit post in the 2014 challenge if you can.

You don't need to be posting elsewhere to be giving people support, just telling your story is enough!

Have you phoned the helpline yet? People who have used it speak very highly & the simple fact that you have used gambling as an escape is proof that you need proper help to find different coping mechanisms!

Tears will roll but @ least then you're not shoving the grief back down into the reactor!

Time to start looking after Mary - ODAAT

Have succumbed again at the weekend and gambled on line on the slot machines until my card was declined which made me stop. Started of playing on my laptop then put gamcare on it thinking that would stop me but no ...went onto playing on my kindle which I smashed 2 weeks ago and now at the weekend started playing on my mobile phone. It's like anything I can get my hands on I will use. I've now put gamblock on my mobile so now I don't possess anything that I can play on so here's hoping their won't be anymore relapses. How are things going with you dawncarol? Have been thinking about you and how your getting on.