Hello everyone

Hi, I understand your logic but I think that's the problem, you have to remain aware of what you're doing and can't allow logic to be thrown out of the window. You must think and put yourself in the mind frame of being able to control your addiction. Only then can you really be able to overcome it. I have a few addicts in my family and close friends, so when I say this I am mainly thinking of them but I think so much of these addictions are in the mind and they have the mentality of 'oh it's an addiction there's nothing I can do, I can't beat it' that's why so many people suffer with this or something like that.

Anyway thanks for your advice, much appreciated. I hope everything turns out well for you!

rupidoda wrote:

Hi, at the end of the day it’s your choice.

I was thinking the same as you a year ago after a 5k loss - said that I would take a break and control it. Didn’t happen - have lost 30 k since. I see myself as a smart person who is logical, but when you are chasing losses all logic goes out the window.

I hope you what ever you do it works out.

Hi

I don’t think the issue has impacted you significantly for you to call it a problem just yet. The majority of us on here have been through a similar process as you. Emptying savings accounts which the money wasn’t intended for gambling purposes & we know it quickly escalated from there until the point you have nothing left. As a compulsive gambler I said to myself next time i’ll Be more sensible & control it but you always have that figure in your head which you’ve lost with previous sessions, gradually taking riskier gambles & digging yourself in a deeper in a hole. My view is it takes a situation to hit home , such you can’t pay the rent as you’ve gambled it or you can’t drive to work because you’ve sold your car & have to walk, no food in your cupboard ect do you really want to go through that for you to realise there’s a problem, I would stop before it really starts getting a grip of you.

I have been in your position, and the only way things will change is if you want it to. It isn’t a question of being smart or dumb, it’s not a question of being in control or not. It’s a matter of accepting that you have made the choices you have made and what that means for you. For me I have been going around in circles for a few years not accepting it was me who was making the decisions. I hid behind a cloud of saying it was because it was an addiction and I don’t have control over it and it isn’t my fault it’s the companies who target you to think you can make so much money and I ultimately thought I was smarter than that and I wouldn’t fall down the rabbit hole which is where I was.. still falling down the hole oblivious to the fact that I put myself there and I was in that situation to begin with. If you truly feel that there is a possibility that you may gamble more than you should then you need to listen to that and look deeper into why that is. At the end of the day each situation is different and there is no one way to overcome this addiction, it is down to each individual to work through the tough journey to understand and overcome what drives them to push on and give more money to the bookies.

Good luck.

Hi, I disagree Steph, I think the amount I have lost has affected me incredibly and that is why I am not going to gamble at all for the next 4 months or so. Until I have made the money back that I lost by working hard and saving up. When I have that security back is when I am going to slowly start betting again. One bet per week. if it loses it loses then I will wait. simple.

stephh wrote:

Hi

I don’t think the issue has impacted you significantly for you to call it a problem just yet. The majority of us on here have been through a similar process as you. Emptying savings accounts which the money wasn’t intended for gambling purposes & we know it quickly escalated from there until the point you have nothing left. As a compulsive gambler I said to myself next time i’ll Be more sensible & control it but you always have that figure in your head which you’ve lost with previous sessions, gradually taking riskier gambles & digging yourself in a deeper in a hole. My view is it takes a situation to hit home , such you can’t pay the rent as you’ve gambled it or you can’t drive to work because you’ve sold your car & have to walk, no food in your cupboard ect do you really want to go through that for you to realise there’s a problem, I would stop before it really starts getting a grip of you.

Hi there Btapp thanks for your reply and I agree with you there. No disrespect, but I have never been one of those people who blame others for things that go wrong in their life. I always take full responsibility for my actions and that is why I believe I can start again soon. I was very very stupid and tried to chase my losses which is my own fault and something I have learned from and will not be repeating ever again. In life everyone makes mistakes, there's nothing wrong with that but the problem lies when people keep making the same mistakes and fail to learn from them. All the best!

Btapp wrote:

I have been in your position, and the only way things will change is if you want it to. It isn’t a question of being smart or dumb, it’s not a question of being in control or not. It’s a matter of accepting that you have made the choices you have made and what that means for you. For me I have been going around in circles for a few years not accepting it was me who was making the decisions. I hid behind a cloud of saying it was because it was an addiction and I don’t have control over it and it isn’t my fault it’s the companies who target you to think you can make so much money and I ultimately thought I was smarter than that and I wouldn’t fall down the rabbit hole which is where I was.. still falling down the hole oblivious to the fact that I put myself there and I was in that situation to begin with. If you truly feel that there is a possibility that you may gamble more than you should then you need to listen to that and look deeper into why that is. At the end of the day each situation is different and there is no one way to overcome this addiction, it is down to each individual to work through the tough journey to understand and overcome what drives them to push on and give more money to the bookies.

Good luck.

If controlled gambling was possible for an addict there wouldn't be any need for this forum.

RThat’s not true, with all due respect, just because one person isn’t capable of controlling it that doesn’t mean that nobody is capable of it. Again I go back to the mental part, it’s all in your mind at the end of the day and if you really want to stop or control your gambling then you will. That’s all.

Kind regards x

You've proved you can't control it but you're determined to resume it anyway. I don't really understand why you're on a recovery forum.

I haven’t proven anything, I made a stupid mistake and I have a completely different attitude towards gambling now and addictions. I understand they are difficult to overcome, but like I have said before I know many people with addictions and it’s something that only they themselves can get out of. First you must accept responsibility, then you have to actively think about your decisions and everything. And because I like to hear other people’s opinions on certain subjects and get an understanding into different perspectives. It’s wonderful being open minded

I haven’t proven anything, I made a stupid mistake and I have a completely different attitude towards gambling now and addictions. I understand they are difficult to overcome, but like I have said before I know many people with addictions and it’s something that only they themselves can get out of. First you must accept responsibility, then you have to actively think about your decisions and everything. And because I like to hear other people’s opinions on certain subjects and get an understanding into different perspectives. It’s wonderful being open minded

Hi. You have a 'completely different attitude towards gambling now' because the pain of your recent substantial loss is still in your mind & in your emotions. That pain fades in time. The problem is : no-one is perfect all of the time, every day of their lives. None of us can 'be what we know' consistently, 100% of the time. So while you may have a different attitude now & believe that your future gambling will be restrained, in practice it won't be for long - controlling gambling is like trying to keep a lid on a pan of endlessly-boiling water. Sooner or later it will - inevitably - boil over.

You talk of not gambling until you've 'got back' your £2500 from 'working hard and saving up'. But if you hadn't lost that £2500 gambling, you would in fact have another £2500 from 'working hard and saving up' in a few months anyway ! so to put it politely your thinking on the subject isn't clear.

So imagine you start again - as I'm sure you will as it feels as though you haven't suffered enough yet - and lose a couple of small bets, and feel bad as you've lost. What then ? won't you try to chase the loss - however small - in order to make yourself feel OK again ?

Hi I completely understand what you are saying and respect your opinion, however are you trying to imply that gambling can never be contained realistically and that everyone that gambles will end up boiling over and losing it all?

And regarding the savings I probably wouldn’t have saved up the extra amount as I would not have been so motivated to save like I am now. And yes if I were to start betting again and lost a £10 sports bet then I would accept the loss and wait until the next week:)

If you set yourself a budget of say £40 per month for bets then it makes it much easier to be firm with this. Just my opinion though, everyone has a different view and that’s why I’m on here.

Hi Messed Up,

I think it is good to share opinions and I think it's fair to say that everyone's recovery is different and the same things don't necessarily work for everyone (I, for example, never went to GA but I've heard enough positive feedback from it that suggests many people have found it instrumental).

My experience was thus (and, I stress, this is my experience and opinion based on such). The first time I came to this board I wanted to stop losing but really couldn't see my life without gambling. I made a resolution to quit for 3 months and then allow myself some football and darts acca's (small ones) each week. My problem was never with sports betting so I figured these wouldn't be triggers for a relapse.

An odd thing happened. I'm sure many people would expect that I had a couple of sports bets and it triggered a full-blown relapse (to be honest, I half-expected that too). However, having worked really hard in quitting and putting up barriers (both physical and psychological), once those 3 months had passed I didn't want to place a bet. This isn't to say I was 'cured' as I'm really not but it did make me realise that gambling (for CG's at least) may be a lot more 'all or nothing' than I original believed (or, indeed, wanted to believe).

It's true, most people can control their gambling, I know plenty of people who have the odd bet and they're fine BUT I also know others with an addiction and, for them, control isn't an option.

I wish you well with your recovery however you choose to do it but wanted to share my experience. I'm now committed to avoiding gambling in all forms as it really does feel like an 'all or nothing' thing. I also fear that 'allowing' myself a small bet would compromise this very clear line in the sand I have set myself and I know that my £5 acca would soon be a 'couple of quid' in a fruit machine or 'one spin of roulette' and then where does it stop.

All the best.

Phil

Hi Messed Up

You are planning on taking a different approach than I and many others would advise but as you say not everyone is the same and this is a forum for discussion. We can only advise based on our experience and what we have researched and learnt ourselves, you will make your own decisions.

What I would like to say is please stay on here and keep posting. I would hate to see you disappear and not stay on here just because you are proposing a different approach for yourself which is not getting a very positive response. Why not start a diary and we can all continue on this fight together? We all want the same thing and that is to stop gambling having a negative impact on our lives.

Good luck

Phil83 wrote:

Hi Messed Up,

I think it is good to share opinions and I think it's fair to say that everyone's recovery is different and the same things don't necessarily work for everyone (I, for example, never went to GA but I've heard enough positive feedback from it that suggests many people have found it instrumental).

My experience was thus (and, I stress, this is my experience and opinion based on such). The first time I came to this board I wanted to stop losing but really couldn't see my life without gambling. I made a resolution to quit for 3 months and then allow myself some football and darts acca's (small ones) each week. My problem was never with sports betting so I figured these wouldn't be triggers for a relapse.

An odd thing happened. I'm sure many people would expect that I had a couple of sports bets and it triggered a full-blown relapse (to be honest, I half-expected that too). However, having worked really hard in quitting and putting up barriers (both physical and psychological), once those 3 months had passed I didn't want to place a bet. This isn't to say I was 'cured' as I'm really not but it did make me realise that gambling (for CG's at least) may be a lot more 'all or nothing' than I original believed (or, indeed, wanted to believe).

It's true, most people can control their gambling, I know plenty of people who have the odd bet and they're fine BUT I also know others with an addiction and, for them, control isn't an option.

I wish you well with your recovery however you choose to do it but wanted to share my experience. I'm now committed to avoiding gambling in all forms as it really does feel like an 'all or nothing' thing. I also fear that 'allowing' myself a small bet would compromise this very clear line in the sand I have set myself and I know that my £5 acca would soon be a 'couple of quid' in a fruit machine or 'one spin of roulette' and then where does it stop.

All the best.

Phil

Hi Phil,

that's really interesting to hear and I understand exactly what you're saying there, it's like once you've stopped for so long you kind of feel bad to start again, like you'd ruin all the hard work at least that's how I have felt in the past.

I went about 9 months without betting just because I wanted to and it was very easy at the time, then I just started again and the one thing I got was lucky and I was always one to chase my losses and usually it worked, I'd normally just scrape even or something.

I respect the fact you have quit cold turkey and seem to be sucessful in doing so and I wish you all the best with that! How long has it been for you?

Kind regards