Hey guys
I am currently going through the biggest struggle of my life so far and I need help from anyone I can get it from. The problem for me started about 9/10 months ago when I was out for a heavy night of drinking and a few days later when I looked at my bank statement I realised I had gambled away copious amounts of money which I didn't have. For a couple of months I got by using credit cards to cover the money I had lost but this started a bad cycle. ArounChristmas/new year time the pressure was getting to me and my girlfriend noticed something was wrong. She sat me down and told me I needed to tell her what was going on and did. She was furious and made me promise to not gamble anymore. Her reaction was completely warranted as she has seen first hand what this sort of thing can do an I knew she was in a better place to tell me what to do than I was. With the threat of her leaving me laid in the table I gave her my word everything would stop. I would do anything for this girl without a second thought so I fully believed I could do this. I was wrong. I have placed a couple of bets in the last couple of months as I tried to deal with my on going financial situation. I knew this was wrong and the guilt I felt was immeasurable. The one thing I couldn't cope with was letting the person I cared most for in the world I couldn't the the one simple thing she had requested and the thought of the look on her face pushed me to delve even deeper into the abyss that my life was becoming. I covered up my activities and lied to her. A month or so later my parents found out I was having money troubles and they offered to give me a hand. They had no need to do this but they were happy to help me and just asked that I stop with the gambling. I couldn't tell them I hadn't completely stopped as the disappointed this would cause would be unbearable so I bottle it up again. The pressure of all of this has begun to make me question every aspect of my life except for one. The woman I love. I knew I couldn't lose her so I was so determined to stop but I couldn't do it. It happened again where I found myself online gambling away and it nearly broke me. I was starting realise I needed help but I couldn't convince myself fully. Until tonight. Me and my girlfriend are on holiday now and she found out what I had been doing. She questioned me about it and as I felt my life begin to slip away I panicked and lied, again. The look of disgust, dissapointement was by far the worst experience in my life. I couldn't face the upset look in her eyes knowing I was the one who had made her that way. I pride myself in always being there for her and making sure she is safe and happy yet I have been the one to cause such pain. It broke me. I realised I couldn't do this alone at that very instant and started seeking help. This is why I am here. I have told my girlfriend everything but I am almost certain this is the end of our relationship. I thought this was the girl I was going to spend the rest of my life with but due to my inability to stop this I can blame no one but myself. It is awful but this is totally my fault and I will just have to come to terms with this sooner or later. I know I need a support network to get over this thing once and for all. I would love for myself to have my gf there for me but I need to orepare for the eventuality of her leaving and get stuck into this problem so I never hurt anyone like I have hurt her again. Once I get home from my holiday I will tell my family everything and I know they willl be disappointed but I am sure they will stick by and help in anyway they can. They haven't gone through this though and that why I need the support of the kind of people on here. I am sure you all have/have had similar problems to mine and i need to know how you were able to beat this thing. I thought I was strong but I now know that is not the case and I need your help to sort my life out. Thanks for reading and I hope to hear from some of you soon
Coakley
Its funny how two people can be awake at 3am caused by the evil treachery of gambling, you as the addict and me as the wife of an addict.
I am not the best person to help you but am replying because I know how frightening the small hours of the night can be and I wanted you to know you are not alone.
Firstly let me start by saying that you have made three giant steps in the right direction already.....that is THREE STEPS TO BEATING GAMBLING!!!! Firstly you have admitted you have a problem, secondly you have told your girlfriend everything and lastly you have signed up to this amazing forum.
There are members on here who are winning this fight, many have gambled for 20 plus years so it can be done with the right support. I notice that those members who confess and are totally open with their loved ones are those who are having the most success.
I want to wish you every success on your journey. It sounds as though you are ready to say goodbye to gambling and start to live your life the right way. I hope this can be with your girlfriend. It is all up to you now!
Alan 135, Compulsive Gambler and ODAAT (on hols at mo) are all great people to offer support. All post regularly and all winning the fight, you can too! There are many more but I speak to these guys most. Thought I'd point you in their direction. Drop them a message.
Hi Coakley 995 it's great that you are realising you are addicted and have a problem. Call gamcare and get some support. Can I just say don't take any more money from your parents. This is your debt, it makes you feel free to gamble again. Debt is a constant reminder of the gambling which helps you recover. Your gf needs support too, she can call gamcare. GA and gamanon are also meetings you can attend if you can. Good luck!
Thank you for the kind words. I'm so sorry to hear you are going through the same thing my girlfriend is. It's something that I wouldn't wish on anyone. This is something I have been trying to beat for a while now but I feel like I am in a really good place to kick on from here. I have awcknowledge the fact that I need help with this and hopefully I can make a life change for the better because of it. The advice is greatly appreciated, I will drop them a message at some point over the coming days
Firstly make sure ur blocks are in place
Coakley - you're GF found out or you told her?
You need to get practical, it's past the time for words. Possibly ask your gf to bear with you, as in not make a final decision about the relationship right now, even if she wishes, understandibly, to pause it.
The relationship issues will currently distract you from what you need to focus on. If it's strong enough then you might, might have a chance to work on it but you need to put your blocks in place, get referred for professional help, talk to more people around you, even if it causes pain and hurt, now is the time to do it - not tomorrow. Allow time to lapse and you will revert to your secret world, then you will feel like you can't tell, get increasingly desperate and ultimately spiral out of all control.
You have an addiction, it doesn't mean you're a bad person but almost certainly you are doing things to others that you would not like if roles were reversed.
By that I don't mean the finances, although that has huge knock on effects but it's the behavioural things that really hurt those we love, the lies, deceipt, the manipulation
Show yourself that you can take the steps to get this under control, get back to being proud of who you are, work with openness, honesty and transparency and then you can revisit the relationships you have with others, don't tell them or yourself what you are going to do, show them
Obviously this is just my opinion, I'm far from an expert and I'm only 135 days GF but I have been here many times, this is the first time I have been willing to be 100% open, credit files, bank accounts, all accessible to others, I make myself accountable for every £1 I have and this is the first time I have felt like I have a chance of choosing life
I have a long road ahead, a very long road, it would of been a much easier one had I chosen to tackle this head on years ago
Everytime I felt I could control this myself, I failed
choose life, choose not to gamble, today I am making that choice
P.s. I forgot to add i though MGR made a great point about not borrowing money or being bailed out - I did or I would have been paid a visit but only after I had everything out in the open and my family decided it was either that watch me have legs broken
hi coakley.
like you, i am very new to this site and already i have had a relapse which i understand can be part of the healing process and overcoming addiction.
i am in exactly the same position as you- promised my gf i would stop and now i have my first baby on the way in february. O promised her in february and within hours i was probably gambling again and lying with almost every breathe i took. i now have to tell her because my recent relapse has left her in a bad position although she doesnt know it yet.
in a weird sort of way whilst i would have loved to have kept up the pretence that i was doing ok but a bit short of money this month because of this or that or i had some expenses to pay (all regular lies) i am actually glad it has come to this and i will tell you why.
i, like you, love my gf of 5 years more than anything and would die for her! But she is that important to me that above anything i want to see her happy and not have to live in this hell hole that i am in. when i tell her i hope she gives me that final chance that i really do not deserve, but she deserves to be happy so i respect her decision. my friend you are on the same wavelength.
you are absolutely right to think that she may leave you and its a horrible feeling as i know. but you also right to be coming on here as i am and thinking about future relationships if she doesnt give you that chance ( i hope she does mate)
you are thinking of your future and trying to make it a gamble free one. no matter who you are with or where in the world you are if you ask me it doesnt matter it just needs to be a normal life with your money being yours to enjoy and not the d**n bookies and online casinos'
good luck mate keep posting hope you get sorted
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