Help

You know. Sitting on this and bottling it up is not going to do you any good. That is how to make things worse in a hurry. You sit on a lot of guilt and shame I can read that. There are no easy fixes. You need to open up. You need to talk about this problem because keeping silent only benefits your gambler. I suggest you start by talking to the help line here. You need to get some therapy as we all need that help in the beginning. I recommend CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) because it helps you think in a more structured and logical way. 

You most likely have an imbalance of dopamine atm which is getting you depressed and giving you angst. You need to come of gambling for 4 weeks so you can restore that balance. If you decide to start now that time will fly. You can get better from this so decide that you will and it will be so.

I wish you well!

Best

C

I was in a very similar position to you 7 years ago when i was 22 

It eventually came to crunch point when i was 23 in 2015 , i was getting paid for the month and 2 days later i would only have something like £140 left to last me until the next month 

I was in a mess a big mess 10K's worth of mess ..... my parents whom weren't fantastic with money themselves didn't have anything to bail me out with 

I had literally no choice but to enter a 5 year IVA and it was probably the best thing i ever did because i was forced to turn my back on consumerism 

During that 5 years it was tough real tough , the first 2 i could barely afford a cup of coffee but i managed then i started looking for ways to increase income i started hustling 

I learnt how to import high demand goods from china and resell sometimes at 10,15,20X

In 5 years i completely cleared the debt and built up 10 grands worth of cash assets , learnt a truck load of skills and suddenly found myself not really wanting anything

I still have the odd punt here and there especially on the stockmarket but generally life is good and the futures looking bright

You have 7 years until you get to 29 trust me that is more than enough time to completely turn your life around 8K is just an expensive life lesson 

 How do I open to my partner about the relapse. If you don't mind me asking. I'm in that postion of relapse and finding it hard to tell her or my parents. Like my issue is not being able to look at my mum or gf and starting sobbing about how i messed up and betrayed.

They are loved ones and they do love you. If you show that you understand what has happened to you and have a plan of action and figure out how you are going to handle this, you have done all you can for the moment. Just saying I don't know is leaving it up to them to decide for you and they do not have a clue how to handle this which will just add to the panic.

Take charge, take action and have a plan.  You will only grow from this when you decide to do so.

Best

C

Posted by: FlyingFoxes

 How do I open to my partner about the relapse. If you don't mind me asking. I'm in that postion of relapse and finding it hard to tell her or my parents. Like my issue is not being able to look at my mum or gf and starting sobbing about how i messed up and betrayed.

Nobody here can really answer that question everyone's circumstances are different my parents knew i was gambling not sure they ever really understood or wanted to understand the extent of it 

A lot of families generally tend to live in these strange happy go lucky bubbles where nobody can do any wrong and life is all strawberries and cream 

Until someone f@cks up and they are forced to face reality 

I suspect ultimately that is your answer everyone's going to have to face reality whether they like it or not if you are to have any chance of recovering from this addiction 

Hi Flying Foxes and Welcome 

You must take a few deep breaths and start working towards telling your loved ones what you have been doing from the standpoint that it is an illness and addiction 

I realised that I am not a bad person but I was ill with an addiction and the cravings it causes ......very ill and I did not realise how much until a proper recovery started

Gambling is not a money making scheme for the punter because that suggests some reliability. Part of my addiction convinced me there was some money making sense to it but it's not an accumulation scheme. it's a random event in the short term moment....long term you lose or the gambling dens wouldn't push it at us......they are not there to give out free money.....every tenner is stained with the misery of other punters.

We were never going to stick it to the man.....they are simply using a large hedge fund to play one punter off against another. 

And the punters keep coming for the drug of expectation is a drug addiction for many people looking for escape drugs....for hope...for something to make them feel better when they don't know the answers or can't see the light 

My life was filled with confusion and depression....gambling was my drug of choice and it gets so complex that I was playing to lose or self harm because that feeling was a stronger compulsion than feeling numb and lost with a low self esteem 

Our economic system has a lot to answer for.....money is a drug so it's no wonder so many feel left out or worthless 

The answers are within you to fight this and see some simple pleasures in life.

Any secrets are no good for you. Please Tell someone you trust and reach out for help. We were all addicts and there is no shame in finally facing up to it 

Best wishes to start a gamble free life

Hiya... I am a compulsive gambler. I echo much of what you and others have described.

We do it to ourselves because of how we feel about ourselves. Try to move away from the mindset of pleasing one's parents. You are your own man. At the end of the day your parents just want you to be happy and enjoy life. As we all know gambling does not make us happy and does not bring enjoyment. All it brings is just a very brief thrill followed by financial pain and personal misery.

One way of dealing with any immediate financial crisis... is simply to ring your creditors and tell them you have a gambling problem. They will freeze interest and put you on a payment plan. Some may say you don't have to pay anything for a period of time whilst your financial situation is up in the air and this will certainly be the case if you say your behind with any priority bills you may have.

With telling loved one's. It is of course very hard but if you only tell half the truth or lie by ommission it makes it even worse if sometime down the road new revelations come to pass. Give bad news in the context of what you are doing to help yourself ie I have these debts BUT I have rung them and made these arrangements and/or I gambled online but I have now registered with Gamstop which means i can no longer gamble online and/or I gambled in the bookies but I have now excluded etc etc. Show that you are taking responsibility for yourself and your actions to try and make your life better.

I hope something here is vaguely useful. Your not alone. I use to play the blame game with my parents. I was a mess in that respect for many years.

All the best.

Hi FF - It took me until I was 51 years old to finally KNOW that I could not place another bet. So many false dawns and making up fairy tales in my head about how things would work out differently gambling 'this time around'.

You are 22, with your whole working life in front of you. Accept that you cannot gamble any further and mend. Don't look back - it's never any good. Just move on gamble free, just like that. Maybe make a diary on here and keep adding to it with your thoughts to help you cope.

I appreciate how very tough this is, but you really need to accept that you have to walk away from the GA. It won't be easy, but your are at the point where you need to take the correct path at this crossroads.

Go well FF!