Help I'm new!

Hi,
I feel your pain. You are not alone to fall into this trap into this legal robery by the gambling industry.
The same happen to me i am 18k in debt.
But look you must stop no excuse to gamble even lf u face the worst of the worst problems in the world donot make it an excuse to gambling because you will get deeper into debt and trouble.
So please stop gambling , clear your head up and put aplan to move forward. Learn from this expensive mistake, learn that gambling is evil.it ruins life cuz more people like me and you will lose their money and get into financial trouble or even worse.

Hi Xenedra

I'm afraid I am not the best person to advise you as I am merely the wife of a compulsive gambler but you have made a fantastic decision to join this forum. There are many people here just like yourselves who are beating this addiction and you can too!

There will be some other more knowledgeable posters along shortly to help you I'm sure.

I just wanted to say hello and well done for taking the step to join the forum.

Today is the first day of the rest of your life....it can and will get better with the right support.

Wishing you every success.

Thank you both for comming back to me, makes it feel a bit more real now. Noone knows about my addiction problems. My daughters father had an incling something was up as I spent so much time on the laptop but we were always very seperate with money, no joint accounts or anything, a car each etc. So when we lost the house (rented but couldnt keep up with the rent payments, he was putting his housekeeping share in to my bank as house was in all my name etc) I put it down to a myriad of things, even that the Bank and Paypal had defruaded me out of large amounts of cash. I honestly dont believe how this happened?

Strangley, I believe i actually started gambling when everything in my life was really very good. For example I had just started a new social work job which is 5 minutes down the road from me, excellent team, pay rise etc. We had moved in to the most beautiful house ever (rented) but beautiful 4 bedrooms, huge garden with trees, massive kitchen, I even had a office which was something I always wanted. We bought my daughter a pony, she has been riding since she was about 2! (she is 7 now) I saved and bought a brand new car for the first time. My partner and I were so in love again (togther 9 years but we sort of rekindled when we moved to this home) and I had my beautiful black labrador Welly. And this was when I started... WHY????

Xenedra,

well done on taking step one, are you still with your daughter's father or have you seperated?

As a 20 year gambling addict I have confessed/ been caught out a few times before but have finally taken the step to widen that net and tell more people - it helps

If you are still together or hope to be, you need to tell him - it's very hard and there are consequences to all our actions but that is the sad reality of our addictions

There is a very moving thread on here by Rach - she updated it today but it is one of the most stark examples if you don't truly get hold of your addiction now.

small steps but keep reaching out, tell people, get help

the sooner the better

best wishes

Thank you CG. Yes I started her story and it was what made me step out of the shadows on this site and start to write.

Not really together now, no. Maybe in the future, we get along wonderfully for our daughter and do still socialise togther. But we dont live together anymore. As my post sadly points out I have had to moved in with elderly relatives as I couldnt afford to live in my house any more and he went back to his mums (we dont see eye to eye, never have). I cant tell him, for one I doubt he would believe me and for two he literally wouldnt understand and it would push him further away. I know I should and maybe i will in the future but i cant now, I have only just admitted to myself. 🙁 Are you gambling free now??

early stages, on 135 gf now.

Waiting for some appointments etc and certainly had some challenges in the last few months but I've also had access to funds. It's having it out in the open that is making the difference for me at the moment though

the clarity of a gamble free mind and hindsight both make me question why I didn' t open up sooner.

With what I have spent on gambling I could be an outright homeowner by now, it's relentless, destructive and the waste of money is staggering.

The bit that all my loved ones say though, it's not the money, it's the behaviour, the lies, the secrecy that has hurt them the most

What practical steps will you commit to putting in place - reads as though you'd still be gambling if you had any funds

To be very honest, I have gambled tonight. I am so so new to getting this getting it out in the open and have only admitted a problem this week to myself. I had to leave my home on the 16th June this year and I vowed never to go back, downloaded K9, changed my bank account and took a trip to see my mum (who lives in another coutntry) and came back refreashed and ready however July i dabbled, but seemed to have some control (making withdrawals at least) and then August I started loosing control again (gambling down to last penny even when Iv won) I took a week off of it again (sheer will power,) but to be honest I was unbearable to be around and I felt as though I was doing a opiate cold turkey. This week my daughter has been staying with her dad (since last saturday) and I opened the laptop and it hasnt been off much since. I am so ashamed as I had some money aside for school uniform etc but now that has gone and some.

I am here now though and willing to give it a real go. Not even just willing. 100% got to do it.

Safeguards i am setting in place is to withdraw my wages aside from a few bills I have (which come out the day after payday) when I get paid next week, leaving no money avaliable. A filter with a password I havnt set up, not sure how to this?

I am also looking at going to a group but I would have to go way out of my area becuase of the job that I do. I cant bump in to my own clients.

wow 135 days is an incredible achievement,. For me I struggle to see what tomorrow night would look like without this blasted laptop burning my lap.

How do you fill you the time you would have spent gambling?

Hi xenedra I'm trying to think how to help. So software download is good I'm no expert and someone will come along and tell you the best. Passwords get someone else to change it? Or use barcode on a tin so you won't remember and go back and disarm it. Money, anyone look after it for you? Don't have cards or hand them to someone, scratch 3 numbers off the back? Call gamcare and talk. Stop having secrets. Self exclude from sites. Basic bank account with no credit facility. Keep busy, good luck!

how do I fill the time?

currently not as productively as I would like, I have been spending a lot of time whilst on annual leave on this website. Everytime I have five minutes spare I log on here instead of gambling. Sadly I notice those five minutes soon turn into 20-30 minutes and it's scary how often I log on here - 5/6 times a day

All of which would of been times I was gambling previously

I have been a bit more orgainsed in my daily life too, just getting an extra job done each day

I also spend time of experian and looking at my finances but thankfully I also spend more time just being with my children. laptop, ipad down and just me and them and a toy

back to work in a day or two and then I work 12 hour days five days a week plus 2 hours a day commuting then try and help with children so leaves less time to waste! - I used to forgo slep to gamble

I suppose it's a question of doing just whatever you can to fill the time. If your daughter is away then a long walk/jog/run doesn't cost anything and is wonderful for your mental health

it's good you admitted to gambling yesterday, albeit admitting to an anonymous online forum really isn't going to help you stop, which begs the question are you really ready to?

Welcome to the diaries Xenedra . The GamCare helpline are there if you want to talk it through with someone .

Wishing you well in your recovery . It is difficult but it can be done .....stephen

Thank you all for replying.

I have set up a basic bank account and all my credit lines have been frozen and i am in a DMP so that has put a stop to my access to payday loans etc which was my crux to support my GA.

I really like to idea of using a barcode off of something for the K9 and i am going to change this tonight!!

When I quit smoking I put the money i saved into a jar and it was the biggest incentive I had to stay quit (I vape now). Can similar be done with gambling? I ask as with most of us, I gambled everything so how would I go about setting up a finacial incentive (just becuase this has worked for me before).

I also have been reflecting on why I gamble and trying to address that. I have gambled (hard) for about one year, which having read a lot of threads is a relatively short time, but my gambling too a significant nose dive when my beloved black lab passed away very unexpectedly in May this year, she was only 5 and suffered a short battle with leukaemia. Since then my gambling went from 4-5 days a week to 7 days and all nighters. I miss her so much as we would walk together everyday in the countryside, she would come to the horses with me and was by my side always, she even came to work with me on occassions. I rescued her when she was 9 months old and we just fell in love. I am not in positiion to have another dog at the moment (due my gambling and loosing my house, living with elderly relatives) but I do think her loss created and even bigger hole that I tried to used gambling to fill.

Hi xenedra there is always lots of volunteering with animals. Walk an elderly persons dog for them? I wouldn't have a jar of money in the house, too much temptation. Have a goal though if that helps, save for an outing cinema, book, theatre, definitely something to do. Good luck!

Thanks for posting on my new thread last night, just a quick message of support from me to see how it's going for you?

Day 2 for me, have access to business overdraft but not considering stealing that. Things have gone to far now.