Hi all, needed somebody to talk to

Hello Dazzii

Sorry to hear of your predictament, it is not uncommon for this to happen when anothers eyes are opened to a previously unknown world of gambling.

What you have done makes sense on a financial level ......however i would act on the following points;

1) Your wife will need help and recovery measures to avoid it occuring again - much like you have had and hopefully continue to have....as it is an illness and she has not done this to get back at you but is most proberly addicted as many fast become so in small amount of time.

2)Although your wife has gambled this money and you have quickly solved the debt but taking it on your interest free card which makes sense....she must pay it off herself at a amount affordable to her off your card.....by all means keep it on your card as that avoids extra interest that an overdraft would cost her and gives her a better chance of clearing it while the interest free period is still valid....as any payments will come directly off the capital and will not be swallowed in charges.(except the initial b/transfer fee)

3) it may seem harsh or petty as you are husband and wife to make her pay.....however research shows that people lending/clearing debt for gamblers can make the problem worse as responsibility has not been felt in full and although gambling is an illness and you should not punish her for this or beat yourself up about it either........a price of her paying everything back must be exacted. for the good of recovery.

4)Keeping it quiet as she has requested is what causes these messes for us all in the first place -it is not the answer--she should not be judged but loved and supported as you were when you was in these shoes hopefully. However she needs to see that without help it could ruin you both...

this site is here to support.....i personally post every day so i will help if i can as much as you want it...

please read my other posts on this very subject in family and friends forums

5) Having control of her bank is a good move as long as you feel safe with that yourself too?

However it is a strong point to make it clear that being in control of her finances is simply for the single goal of preventing all gambling activities and nothing more....that will prevent resentment about losing such control....it is a good and easy with online banking to regulally check the accounts together and devise the best re-payment plans to suit the lowest interest/charges... and still reward each other for abstaining from gambling to make giving up fun and a clear benefit to all.

Replace cards with bank and get new 16 digit numbers as old accounts will store such info on sites and could still be used in future....

Lastly - be firm on the no gambling but try not to feel let down by the perceived lies......as if you stop the gambling then there is no need for the lies...life will get better and the trust be restored......be there for one another........all the best to you both.

Try and find her triggers by a frank and honest but civil conversation....write it down on paper if it is easier than face to face talk to avoid anger or emotions getting in the way of the facts.....also declare all debts now so it really is a clean slate.

If the gambling is done when your not there.....look for ideas to fill such times........no one is to blame...work on the solution not the problem.

Best of luck

Regards

Wayne

(22 days gamble free)

some good advice there too........all will help........for both of you.......

getting receipts for spenditures is a good idea too......so it is clear what monies are being spent on......saves exaggerating costs to build in a gambling element.....ie.......i need £530 for a set of four tyres ....then only spend £265 on a cheap set and gamble the difference.......

not saying this would happen but it is good practice to keep track of spending all round......helps to see where money goes normally and highlights areas where savings could be made possible.

All the best

Wayne

Hi , sorry for the late reply , Thank you for all your kind comments, support and help. I did install a casino blocker on all the pc's (it even stopes some of the just for fun gambling games on facebook!! ) . I can only see where it goes from here giving her all the support I can. I have told her it all has to be repaid via her wages and have taken control of her fininces for the short term, fingers crossed,

I will keep reading the forums which does help. thanks again

hope it gets fixed and you both get beyond these demons.....best of luck.