Hi everyone! I'm ready to stop... For good!

Hello Natalie

Firstly Welcome, My name is Wayne and i have been gamble free for 22 days and post each day to record progress and help others in a similar situation.

Well done on taking the initaitive to join these forums and seek help.

I can relate to many aspects of your above post....it really is a jekyll and hyde situation and the more the hyde is exercised the stronger that part of your personality becomes and with it the ruin.

I too gambled mainly because i get bored and feel lonely and have large debt due to gambling which gets you down and causes further gambling cycle....

This time i have put measures in place to assist my recovery to give myself the best chance of success....

I wish you all the best and will always reply to your posts when i come online.

Take each day at a time....like bite size revision lol

Can i ask why a young girl like yourself doesn't have a social life?? I'm 29 and go out often but many of my friends are busy with their lives and don't want to go out often and i end up going out on my todd but beats staying at home.

Maybe if we reach a certain goal of gamble free days we could meet up and celebrate doing something we mutually enjoy...like a day out at a theme park or theatre trip or something we both into?

You probably live 500 miles away though lol

Regards

Wayne

Have you seriously just tried to arrange a date with someone on here vulnerable & asking for help. Shame on you Wayne. Apologies to you Natalie hopefully your future experience of this site will not be so unfortunate

Hi Natalie,

Welcome to the Forum and for sharing your story with us here.

You have managed to stop for a considerable amount of time already and that is something you can build on. And as you said, you know how to stop gambling, how to stay stopped. But you are unhappy with how your life is going and you revert to gambling in order to escape.

I wonder whether you have thought of face to face counselling, Natalie. If you like to, you can get in contact with us on the Helpline or on the Netline and discuss this in private. An advisor would be happy to check, whether there are counselling services near you and maybe make a referral.

You have come to the right place. This is a very supportive community and you will find that loneliness is an issue which many people on here sometimes struggle with, especially when they stop gambling. Many of the members here will be able to relate to this.

Maybe joining the Forum can help you with this, too, by feeling connected to others. While it doesn't substitute the process of finding your feet in the world around you and to start connecting with people in your proximity, in your environment, it can give you the strength and courage to start doing more of it in your life with the people around you.

Maybe this is what Wayne's kind reply is about, too. On a forum like this, members cannot rescue each other from the lifes they face, but they can encourage each other to do things a little different to make a change.

As you can see from the responses you had so far, Natalie, people already watch out for you here. Maybe what you wrote resonated a lot with others.

Keep posting and stay strong.

Kind wishes

Gabriele

Hello Natalie, and welcome here.

I know online gambling is bad bad. I just posted something about it on the 2015 Challenge, if you wish to read. About your job, I know is hard when you hate what you.re doing ( trust me especially when, two of my chefs are gambling, which that,s why i started last year as well, and now I realised what a big mistake that was) . Don't know maybe you can try to change job, find something more interesting, something that you never done before. Living with your parents isn't bad, think that you came here, you will find the help that you need , you will be GF, and living with your parents for 1 or 2 more years will help you saving money, and you can have you own place after that. Try to focus on good things, on your future and stay strong. You can also start wwrite your diary, to see your progression,. I believe that we think positive will help us to go through those urges , weak moments. So, Natalie stay strong and think that every penny that you save is better off in your pocket than online.

Hi Natalie,

Gabriele has given you some really good advice with regards to combating loneliness. Some advice I might even apply myself.

As regards this relapse I can completely resonate as I have had simular issues. It is almost inspite of all the months of abstinance and all the procedures and prevention put in place, the zombie emerges and we go into auto pilot and the deed is done. The feeling of failure and remorse is worse than those times in the midst of the adddiction because you are no longer ignorant of the addiction itself and this makes you feel 100x worse.

There are certainly strategies we learn to help with urges and coping in recovering from this addiction. Sometimes the high of absitinence, certainly motivates us initially. Then as we try and cope with everyday life old demons return. We want to escape from this reallity we want to feel the euphoria of not having to stress so we turn to an 'old friend'.

Just recently I have been fantisizing of what I would do if I won the lottery. I have not played it but I have worked out in my head what I am going to do with the money, leave my job, study, start fresh. The reality is I do not need to win the lottery to do these things but it is the only way I can have it all instantly. So patience is a big problem for me and it is very dangerous to fantisize about winning big because the reality is I am going to start chasing it.

So Natalie it is time for you to look at being patient with being lonely and and your social life. Set small goals for your changes, if you want to join a social club great but make sure it involves something you love doing, as if you do it for the sake of it you will hate it and may find it difficult to try again. Definately look at the positives and focus on what you can achieve as oppossed to what you cannot. 9 months is certainly a great achievement and you should be proud of this. Learn to reward yourself for the good stuff instead of constantly punnishing yourself for the bad stuff. This will help with the positvity. This world is full of possibilities, imperfection allows us the ability to improve which is the only way we can learn from our mistakes.

I hope you can continue to be courageous and be victorious in fighting those demons!

Take care,

Thanks everyone for all your positive responses and advice, I really appreciate it. Just reading them makes me feel a huge load better.

I'm currently searching high and low for a new job - which is taking up a lot of my time! You're totally right mac, I just need to think about the future positively - and if I stick with it, I could have saved enough for a place of my own within a few years (or at least enough to rent somewhere comfortably!! House prices in the south east are insane!! :o) ! )

zulu I agree completely, I need to find something I enjoy, not just doing something for the sake of it - people think it's really easy to start building a social life again 'just go out and meet people', but it just doesn't work like that.

I hope one day I'll be providing the same great advice to others that I've been reading on here!

Natalie x

day@atime wrote: Have you seriously just tried to arrange a date with someone on here vulnerable & asking for help. Shame on you Wayne. Apologies to you Natalie hopefully your future experience of this site will not be so unfortunate

For a start day@atime - Natalie is over 18 and can make her own mind up about my post....

We both similar ages, both lonely and both fighting an addiction to gambling so yes i think setting a goal is a great idea and i don't need you to apolgise on my behalf thank you very much.

My point was mainly if a lot of lonely people make friends and support each other then the lonliness fades away and a community is built.....

i live in northamptonshire anyway so it was hardly going to be a match in heaven or a actual date when Natalie could live anywhere in the uk........it was a suggestion that i think has great credit and honestly behind it no matter your personal opinion.

I like to help.....it keeps me busy and focused on not gambling......and if i click with people great.......if not fine......nothing wrong with that or bad about any aspect of it .

Being gamble free is my main aim and at 23 days i'm happy........if i can chat to people here too and feel less lonely all the better.

No need to be a kill joy......Natalie has her own mind and voice...

no offence.

P.s admin thanks for the comment....i think people can connect if they have similar traumas with gambling and do more than just a little different direction.....but make a real change together and provide a support network on many levels.

Best Regards

Wayne

Hello Natalie

Welcome back - i hope my post hasn't offended you as (DAY@ATIME) Suggests?

I Just want you to know if you want my support i will happily provide what help i can in any way without anything being weird about it lol 🙂

sometimes people have to take a leap of faith and trust a little to be able to live happily x

I personally find it hard to socialise outside my tight circle of friends.......so find speaking online easier to begin with then actually connecting in person face to face.

Reward is important aswell in recovery.....otherwise what is the point.........

i have nothing to hide and a open book so if you are in doubt - feel free to ask me anything..

Wish you the best - take each day at a time and it does get better and can be achieved....

best wishes always

Wayne x (23 days gamble free)

Hei Natalie! 🙂 I am new here as well, but have not posted anything yet.. Its hard to admit to myself thay i have a problem.. Feel so weak and stupid.. I am 28 years old, so if you want someone to talk to let me know 🙂 i would love to have someone to talk to, no one knows about my problem.. I feel its more "accepted" to have a drug or alcohol addiction..

We can do this! Its still the beginning of 2015!:):)

Hi Yasmin861,

Welcome here. You will find a lot of support here and great people to talk to. Anything you wish....we all know we are here because we have the same problem. About being "accepted" having a drug or alcohol problem I don't think is much of a difference . They are BAD as well, and all 3 of them have bad and good stories. You could find someone that is close to you and try to talk to them; family , friends, us here. Maybe you will find it easier to talk here or with a very close friend. There will be no judgement. Like I said we've all done it. Read some "crazy" stories here or some successful one. Start a diary. Anything will help. Get involved in 2015 Challenge. Best of luck and stay strong!!!!