Hey all
Thought i would say hi, unfortunatly i relapsed back into gambling and racked up more debts again, i was doing so well after the first time from my Breakeven counselling and had gone 2 years without a bet or anything at all related but stresses at work and the stress of organising my wedding last year pushed me back towards gambling ( stress is my major trigger for gambling ) all my good work from last time feels like its been undone i am so devastated after telling my wife on sunday just gone, she looked so upset and dissapointed in me i feel horrendous for what i have done and just like last time end up hating my self for being a horrible person affecting those i love most.
Its a big struggle to get over that feeling of letting those closest to you down when you have promised to be up front & honest with them. I have relapsed 4 or 5 times now, the latest being between February and early April racking up thousands of pounds worth of debt in the payday loan cycle when I'm supposed to be moving in with my girlfriend so I can relate to what you're feeling right now. On a positive note, you have told your wife so dont need to keep any of this to yourself. As long as it is out in the open you can put things in place to aid your recovery.
Just to add to my previous reply, despite what you're feeling right now nothing will be fixed overnight. Be patient, continue to be upfront with those close to you, think about the way you gamble and put things in place to try to nullify the option of gambling. I've come to the conclusion that I need somebody close to me to hold my card as I can't risk having access to money anymore. Its embarrassing but if it means I dont have the opportunity to give the bookies my money then it's worth it. You'll be able to judge yourself what steps you want to take but I wish you the best of luck and hope everything works out.
Hi liberthine01.
I also know that stress is a major major trigger for me. Although I am meeting my challenges at the moment and have certain blocks on. I really need to work on the fact that stressful days will come for me in future.
Its good that you have posted with honesty and I suppose you just have to work on blocking your routes in and having money available. I read stories like this with extreme interest because I know it will probably always be in me to some extent and I must always be on my guard.
I think stress is a major factor for many gamblers. I hate stress and I hate bad days. I know gambling was a shot in the arm for me when I felt stressed or depressed. I was very ill in 2015 and just feel myself coming out of it with recent counselling.
You help others here and I congratulate you on 2 years. I dont think you can be too hard on yourself and its about really upping blocks on that time money location triangle.
Youve told people so you have a good mindset to fight it. You certainly seem to have the right state of mind in knowing you did wrong.
If you give your wife control of the finances and put some extra blocks on it shows you are upping your defences. I think its pretty crucial now that you live on a sandwich allowance and step the blocks up to maximum. It will make you feel better and helps people regain the trust
Best wishes
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