Hi, my name is Alyssa. I wanted to share my story with you.
Well here we go.
My parents dated for four years before they had my older sister. I personally think they were forced into getting married. My father's mother found out my mom was pregnant and said they had to get married. So they did after my mom had my sister. Then they had me and the rest of my siblings. My dad worked for AAA and owned his own tow company doing very good. Until he cheated on my mom with the boss's wife. My mom found out and they ended up staying together for us. My mom's brother ended up catching my dad at the mall with her. I was suppose to go with my uncle but my mom said no because it was a school night. I think i would of broke down if i ended up seeing him.
He use to leave my soccer games to go be with her. Or he wouldn't come at all. After the whole cheating thing, and their relationship being crappy, my dad began to gamble often. He'd leave in the middle of the night, I'd always wake up and ask where he's going and if i could come. Same answer everytime, no it's too late I'm going out on a tow. I got my tonsils out and he didn't even come, he was at Foxwoods. I remember him leaving for a month, he told his parents but left my mom clueless. When he came back i stayed my distance from him. I use to always be with him all the time. I was daddy's little girl. But after a while that changed as long as everything else. He barely came to see me or my siblings in anything we participated in. He still doesn't. Now he gambles to make his money. Does pretty good too. But he always lies and sneaks around. I never know where he is. I adapted to him not being home at night or during the day, seeing him every other night. Thinking it was okay and it was normal. Well the end of last year was when it started to get really bad. In October, he disappeared for 3 weeks the same as last time. No call no money. My six siblings and I went continuously to my mom's dad's house. They fed us everyday and gave us gas money. Barely surviving. My dad came and left multiple times going to Atlantic City not telling us or leaving us money. In November, my mom found out my dad hasn't paid the morgage since the beginning of the year and our house will be going into foreclosure eventually. Our electricity bill was $6,000. My dad stopped paying everything that year. He gave up on us and didn't care anymore. To tell you the truth i think half of it was my fault. I have a boyfriend and we've been dating for two years. The year my mom found out about the mortgage was the year she kind of stopped doing what she was suppose to and paid for my boyfriend to play poker online. We were always together and got pretty bored so he began to play cards online and asked my mom to put the money on for him. She agreed and did it very often. Pretty pathetic huh? I can't believe i allowed her to do that. My dad use to give my mom like $1200 a week. After she began using her money for poker he gave her less and less money. I think he really started to fall apart because she stopped doing what she was suppose to. He couldn't do anything to stop her. The reason why i think it's my fault is because one night i texted my father on his cell phone asking how he could leave us like that? Why he'd ever do that. He said he can't do it anymore, he can't keep trying blah blah blah. He thought i was my mom. If i was more mature he would of kept paying for things and i know it. I helped this whole thing fall apart.
But anyways, my mom and dad argued bad one day that my dad told her he was going to hit her if she didn't stop. So she got a restraining order and he abandoned us. The restraining order was for only two days and he knew that. He disappeared once more for two months. He came back eventually. I was the first to see him. My uncle was bringing me and my older sister to the mall to get some clothes and on the way there we passed his garage. His car was there, I made my uncle drive down there. I walked into the garage and just looked at him. Honestly, It felt like he wasn't real. He looked at me and said Hey! what are you doing? Like i'm one of his friends or something. He doesn't know that he hurt me so much. I asked him where he was and immediately started crying. I froze and didn't know what else to say. So once he began to come see me i walked away crying, got in the car and drove away. He ended up talking to my mom. By then we were on food stamps and all that crappy stuff. Going from good living to s**t having nothing at all. My parents are in the middle of a divorce. My dad has to only pay $300 a week for me and my 5 siblings to live. My older sibling left to live with my dad and his parents. His compulsive gambling ruined us. He gave up on us and I'll never forget what he has and still is putting me and my family through. Not to mention, I still don't see him every day. My baby brother doesn't even know he's his dad. Now we have to find a place to live with only 1200 a month. This is going to be impossible. We're still struggling and he still doesn't care.
The reason I'm telling my story is because I want to let other people know that their gambling has a huge effect on the people they love. It can ruin you. And i know that so please don't do this to them. Hopefully hearing how i feel and how things can lead you will act differently and more wisely.
Hello Aylssa.
Gosh you've been through the ringer girl!
would you mind awfully if I made a comment or two..you see people are just people! they mess up! they are embarrassed? they are just silly people who act... silly.
You've spent quite a while getting this off your chest; frustation, humiliation it's all there to see, although realistically no-one owes you a living! expected love and relation are hard...cant offer any advice I'm afaid 'was' until today a gambler myself 38 years and bloody potless....course I am!
I probably know there's love there but unfortunately gamblers are very very selfish people who just play self-destruct all the time...
You need to start smiling, get some love back in your life, you probably have fantastic kids? I know I do!! well mine are not fantastic.....but they are good sometimes..
because you've spent so much time on this I feel I must give you a thought an analagy if you like!
Right here goes...a man walks into a house, his house....he is approached by a small boy..'hello son'..'hello dad, where's my pocket money dad! You said as soon as you get in..it's friday and where is it?' Now the man takes careful time and then replies by going over to the bookshelf and pulling out a book, it's an atlas!..he preceeds to tear out a page and after tearing it out he rips it into tiny little pieces, then throws the pieces on the table..'son' he says' when you've put all those pieces together and they fit perfectly then...I'll give you your pocket money!'..well the boy starts to get to work on this and whilst his dad is on the toilet the boy burst into the room' finished dad!' he shouts...'finished? how can you be finished this quickly son?' he takes the map and carefully examins it and to be sure everything is where it should be..france is in place, germany, greenland perfect map!!!
'that's wonderful' the man says...'but tell me son..how could you have finished it so quickly so perfectly?' the little boy looks at his dad and says' it was so easy dad, you see I turned it over and on the back of it was a man dad! and dad if the mans right then the world will be right!"'
be strong and read my diary...xx
Hello Alyssa
Welcome to the Forum! Thank you very much for sharing your experience with us here. Your account shows what devestating effects problem gambling can have on families.
You say that you and your family have difficulties finding a place to live now and that there are constant financial worries. You also talk about your sadness and disappointment about feeling more and more distant from your dad.
You have been and are still going through very difficult times due to your dad's gambling problem and it sounds as though gambling may have become a problem for other family members, too. Dealing with the strong emotions you describe, like feeling abandoned, is hard.
From your post I gather that you are not based in the UK. Have you looked into support which may be available locally, like counselling or joining a self-help group?
Maybe you would also like to start posting in the "supporting a problem gambler" section of this forum. There you can find much support from other users who also want to come to terms with someone else's gambling problem.
Again, thank you for posting.
Kind wishes
Gabriele
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