i hope it's ok to make a separate thread just for me.
i gambled today, i have been gambling consistently for a few months, after a gap of over a year.
i lost more money than i have left myself with in the last few weeks. The more i lose the more i seem to risk.
i am in major distress, i hate myself more and more every time, the more i lose the more pressure i am putting on myself as i am supporting a living situation with my money alone more often than anything.
i really don't understand my behaviour and it's really hurting me.
i won't let myself get a hair cut and a beard trim that might cost £12 or let myself have a sims4 exspansion at £17+ even though it's my birthday soon because i feel bad spending my money on me.
But when it comes to gambling like today i wasted £140 in a slot machine in a time period of about a hour. i suppose it also stings because i i only wasted a hour while spending so much money.
i only originally started with slot machines, to waste time, be around people and have someone around who can make me a drink occasionally.
i struggle with my mental health and it seems the more stable i am the less i gamble, but obviously it can also work that the more i gamble, the less stable and anxious and depressed i get.
i want to stop, the longer i don't gamble the easier it seems to be, but in recent months i can't even trust myself to carry my own bank cards
Welcome to the forum and IMO you are not lost. You have found the forum and can begin to find recovery.
Just a few pointers if i may. Forget about losses and dont chase them. As punters we dont win long term. If we do win it only keeps us in the game longer.
Bank cards - when my gambling secret emerged i gave up cash and bank cards for over 9 months. It meant i couldnt nip into the bookies for a FOBT spin. Can someone look after your cards? Can you confide in someone about your addiction?
Give Gamcare a call and see if free counselling is available in relation to your addiction.
Have a read through some diairies on here. You are not alone in this and help is available.
Bal wrote: Welcome to the forum and IMO you are not lost.
Thank you so much, it means a lot
My man knows about it, he gets angry with me but to the most part is understanding as much as someone can be without experience, he is willing to keep my cards for me but we don't have such a happy relationship while he's not working and he doesn't get work sent his way often.
As much as my gambling does seem to antagonise the relationship between the two of us, my gambling seems to worsen the worse he treats me.
it's all an extreme vicious cycle.
Getting help in person may be a problem as i am a powered chair user.
Your not alone.... ive realised i wont ever be gamble free for ever so i need to limit the losses... put the stops in place. We will always find a way to gamble. Sick of going around in these circles like a broken record.. hopefully this time i improve the situation.
I’m sorry to hear you are suffering but there is a chain of events that have led you to here. Try and retrace them and see what the triggers were and the reason your gambling got out of control . Some people can handle it and do it for fun,others like everyone on here cross a line and can not stop even if they win . Then you are stuck on the merry go round . You have chosen with your own free will to arrive here and address your illness (yes that what it is). I can hand on heart say that things will improve very quickly . You remove gambling from your life and lots of problems you are having simply disappear because most will be under the cloud of gambling even if you don’t realise it right now . You are very brave by taking this step and everyone here is on hand to support you. It’s really true that no one understands a gambler like a gambler (or ex gambler hopefully for most of us !)
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