All my life gambling HELP
Hi I’m new to this never posted on a forum before so not sure how it works but here’s how my gambling story goes.
From been in school I was money orientated even at the age of 16 I looked older than I was and was going into the bookies on my dinner break on the roulette machine simple betting on black and red and making £10 and loving the thrill.
Things got worse and worse as time went on, I’ve always had well paid jobs but for 6 year in my last company I would get paid then couple of days later the money would be gone. I ended up with countless payday loans credit cards £10k worth off debt which all went into default and tortured my credit rating for 6 years but I still never stopped. I would bet on anything and everything roulette dogs horses football.
About 3 years ago I lost my family through gambling as I lied constantly promised I’d never do it again and always did and always lost everything.
I went to GA meetings and one to one counselling but i found I just knew what they where going to say. Like it’s only you that can stop, when u feel the urge ring someone etc and I’ve always just thought I don’t need help (when I’m reality I know I do) but I just think if I don’t have money available to me then I can’t bet and then maybe for a couple of months I don’t have money available to me so I stop for a couple of months and think I’m fine and overcome it but then things just happen all over again.
So basically I stopped gambling last year after I met my new partner, things where going great all my defaults had comes off my credit rating my last 2 ccjs are due to come off this year my credit rating was back in the good saving up for a mortgage with my new partner of a year. I told her after about 6 months of been with her that I had a gambling problem and she knew that was the reason I split up with my ex and she said if I did it again I would lose her because she couldn’t trust me.
However Christmas Day for whatever reason I end up been on a gambling site (I work offshore and was offshore at the time over xmas) basically I ended up losing everything maxing out my credit cards losing 15k Christmas Day none of it my own money just on credit cards and 5k overdraft. (Obviously the worst xmas day of my life)
I ended up getting a 10k loan of a family member without my partner knowing and paid off my debts again.
So then since Christmas I have been gamble free until 2 weeks ago, I came back to work had a couple of hours to kill in the airport sat down and deposited 50 pound into my**** account (only one that I hadn’t barred myself off) I won 18k off that 50 pound literally in 20 minutes on the roulette live casino. I was buzzing shaking thinking of all the things I could do with that money. Then get back to work the same night I ended up logging back in blowing all of the 18k literally within an hour and then started to deposit my own money.
I blew 10 thousand on credit cards 5k overdraft got a 5k loan got 3 1k payday loans and I’m still even today searching for more payday loans as I don’t know what to do. I’ve ran up 30k debt with interest included within the last 2 weeks. Last night I went back up to 13k then lost it in 10 minutes and was seriously suicidal. I cried my eyes out pacing up and down shaking dropping to my knees in tears head in my hands for the past 2 weeks I’ve been in a total daze not with it at all not talking to anybody just head in my phone either gambling or searching for loans I am totally lost with emotion and stress and don’t know what to do because I really can not stop
I’ve got 3 weeks left before I go back home my partner is none the wiser we’ve just had a lovely holiday things where going great now I just think if I don’t get that money back I’m going to lose her because she will find out I’ll have to go bankrupt or Iva or something and that’s another 6 years when I’ve just got over this 6 years trying to fix my credit rating I just don’t know I know I need help I just can not stop thinking about it I don’t know what to do
Hi. Wow what a roller coaster you have been through . It resonates with me because I was similar with going through a DMP, spending money that wasn’t mine and also with a good job and also tried GA and felt the same as you. Firstly , you have done the right thing and come to seek some help and advice . I’m not an authority on this nor am I a counsellor . What I am is someone who has experienced most of what you have and understand exactly how you are feeling . Simple truth time now . If you don’t stop now , things will get worse . You obviously can’t win because like all of us you can’t stop. Now there is some good news here . You have an opportunity to face this and start a good life for yourself . I’m afraid you will need to be completely honest with people around you and more importantly yourself . What you are doing to yourself is not sustainable and is damaging financially but more importantly mentally and emotionally . The money part is something that can be sorted quite quickly if you are not haemorrhaging money on gambling . You firstly need to ask yourself are you ready to stop, what good things does gambling give you ? If you then decide that’s it for gambling then I’m afraid the only way is honesty to your partner . You then have blocks that need to be in place . Don’t have access to mountains of cash or credit . Self exclude yourself from any possible outlet .And what has gone has gone , you have to write it off. Then you can move on . When I say move on , I mean evolve to become a non gambler and actually start hating the pastime . I’m 43 and have been gambling most of my adult life . Debt , issues with family , etc etc but finally I took a £2k loan at Christmas having paid £35k off through a DMP and racking up another £20k. The £2k was gone in hours along with a £5k overdraft . That was Christmas Eve (always for some reason did this at xmas , gambled my mortgage money in the past and went cap in hand to my dad ). Three months on I’ve recovered as I have a decent job and on top of all my bills . Credit rating has shot up . Remortgaging on a much better interest rate to clear all of these new debts and can start living life . I’m telling you this because if I was still gambling , it is not possible and I would get lower and lower . Luckily I still have my Mrs and kids BUT my Mrs has to know about my gambling f because it effects her . I am so lucky she was supportive but to be honest they never went without , only me . Now , 120 days on I can sleep at night , my mind isn’t doing somersaults thinking about online gambling . You can do this , you really can . If you need to ask anything please do as I’m here to support you and help you beat this . Regards Bryan
Hi Matt888....take a deep breath. From now on your life will only get better. You have taken the first step and one of the hardest...admitting to yourself and others that you have a problem. You need help...and there is help out there....and lots of support on here. Today is a great day for you believe it or not. It is the day you finally said...NO MORE, never again, gambling is over for you. Life gets better from here on in. I think you should phone the gambling councelling help on here for starters. They will advise you of how to sort out the money issue...unfortunately that is usually the easiest part, eventhough you probably cant see that right now. There is help, and there are solutions, no matter how bad you might think things are right now. Sit down and make a list of the money you owe. Sit down and self exclude from every site you can right now.All of them. Put a gambling block app on your devices now...right now. Do these things right now...and come back here and let us know as soon as you have done that. You must absoutely do this or the temptation to go back and try gamble your way out will be too stong. Do it now Matt.
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