HOW DO I BROACH MY SON ABOUT HIS PROBLEM

Good question, 

Your son is basically me right now, I suppose I'd want you just to say you know about it, that I don't need to keep it to myself or hide it, ask how I feel about my situation, listen, and then ask me what I want to do about it. If it were me I'd probably explain myself the best way I could and depending on how visibly hurt/angry/concerned you were I'd maybe lie to downplay the problem, I may ask for your help and this may be to prolong the agony or to address the problem so be careful.

To get to this point (as you describe your son as being in) I have made repeated costly mistakes without intending to do any such thing, it's Pavlovian for me by this point (if that is the most applicable term?!), I knew I needed to stop, I intended to stop, I stop, I start to feel better knowing I've stopped, my financial situation improves and then for one reason or another I do it again and hate myself the second I start losing, this doesn't stop me, I am in the fight until it's gone regardless of how many times I was winning or losing, it stops when there's nothing left. Repeat. I have thought many times I've stopped and won't be so stupid again, I consistently prove myself wrong in this belief to my utter bemusement. He may be nothing like me in situation or his response to the approach I suggested but that's how it is for me, the disappointment in my mother and/or father, if they knew, would be hard for me to carry, more so the idea I will possibly falter again despite knowing all I do about my situation.

What do you do about it? You could insist that you won't judge him and if he ever falters, he should tell you so you can help him get through/by it. You could insist he bars himself from all bookies. You could insist he tells you all the "clever" ways he keeps it going (so you know the signs) You could insist he tries GA. You could insist you manage his finances for him. You could try to guide him on addressing the underlying issues that made gambling attractive in the first place and demonstrate alternatives (could be very difficult). I'm NOT saying that you should, just that you could, someone else may have ideas or experience. Ultimately you'll have to gauge what's right for you both, I wish you both the best!

Hello and welcome to the forum.

My advice is that you should talk to him about it and make your feelings known. however you must also prepare yourself for the responses of an addict controlled by an addiction . Please don't be too hurt by a reaction which will be confused and delusional

It's not a silliness greed or stupidity issue. It acts like a drug addiction which is the main driving force 

The secret is no good to him so it ultimately doesn't matter that you know or how you found out. However it's a delicate matter and obviously you need to pick your moment with the support of family and friends. 

He needs to face this and be ready to stop. Reality is what he really needs so there is no shame in giving him a normal reaction to his addiction and illness

You also need the prime advice of protecting yourself financially as you can help him most from a position of knowledge and strength 

You must initially inform him in your own words that gambling is not acceptable to you or your family. He will need to be informed that you are not a bank or bail out option as you will need to see that he is entering a full recovery has proper blocks and  is living on a small allowance 

You lend him nothing and further talking will be based on his actions and control of his finances 

These are initial guidelines as you have a job on which is not easy. He can be helped if he is ready to stop. If he is not ready and gets argumentative you will need further advice and support.

I know that you can't ignore it and should get proactive. However you will also have to learn about this addiction and what you are dealing with.

Best Wishes from everyone on the forum

Hi, I hope your son will open up to you. I have spent many times trying to get my husband to open up. I have tried everything I can think of but he still can't seem to be honest. It's a living nightmare. He tells me what I want to hear but still can't stop. It's an awful illness. Make sure you are protected e.g. don't lend him money, bail him out etc. I have got a cifas on my credit file and everything is out of his way including his own income (he has pocket money). 

I wish you all the best x