Hello,
Hope who ever reads this is well and keeping strong!
I have had 3 big instances of gambling and never did anything the first 2 times and now had a 3rd time unlucky where I have lost alot of money that wasn't all my own even!
This has impacted family and personal relationships of which I am scared to lose now.
I never reached out for help, spoke to anyone or anything, but now this being my last ever chance with my loved one and family, I am willing to do all it takes!
I went to Gamcare and signed up for counselling, and have registered on this forum.
One thing I can't pinpoint myself is why I do it at all. When I look at my life after the 2 incidents, I have a family that is willing to help me and an amazing girlfriend who stood by me after the second time, and have a good job, and was paying back the debt well from the first 2 incidents, yet I threw it all away again! Why do I need to do this?????
The reasons I can come up with after racking my head are:
1. The buzz of putting a bet on and when it wins (doesn't win most of the time, so you don't get the buzz in the end, just the fake hope)
2. The realisation of how much money I lost drives me crazy that I can't let it go and want to get it all back. I don't like the fact that these guys (bookies) got the better of me and want to get them back!
3. I think if I win enough I can start to buy better treats for my family and partner as I can't splash out on them because of my past debts, and this does feel depressing at times knowing I can't give them treats at times
Has anyone got anymore advice and guidance.
True that!
Think im with you on all 3!
Also boredom/too much time on my hands for me....Need to find other less damaging interests.
Keep going fella!
R
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Hi ReanP,
I was in your place 4 months ago. Our stories are very similar. A big loss, followed by a few subsequent bigger losses. I'm now accepting that the money is gone and that my stopping I will save so much more in the future than what is already gone.
You've taken a missive step with applying for counselling. This has been a major difference for me in my recovery this time.
The counselling will help you pinpoint triggers and tackle underlying issues that maybe have had an effect on your gambling behaviour.
For now get the barriers in place, immerse yourself in the forum and take it a day at a time.
Wishing you the best.
Tommy.
It can be very confusing which is why there is so much talked about this form of mind control.
I cant believe I actually did it now and its all wrapped up in a complex ball of emotion from wanting to win your money back, though boredom with everything else and escape. I wanted the highs and lows the machines gave so I had to start working on why I wanted those feelings
It was as if nothing jumped out at me at the time. and said hey Im a trigger.
Over the following months I got a grip on reality and realised depression played a great part even though I didnt think I was that depressed. I realise I was empty inside and looking for that particular fix to make me feel less empty. I realised that the extra stress of a bad day was a trigger point...along the lines of gambling will cheer me up and Im bound to have a win which will cheer me up
Only it made it all worse at the end of the session as we all know.
I think it is hard for us to come to terms with because its self destructive behaviour to feed the mind short term. Then when the cupboards are empty the mind finally clicks that its been more than naughty.....until the next time it needs its fix
For me its adding up to an out of body experience. I justified starting by thinking I was due a win and a little win will be fine.....then I just couldnt control myself and wanted to play till the bitter end even though the wallet was emptying and I had brief flashes that it was all so wrong. At some points it almost seemed that the sensible me was watching me at a machine destroying myself...the sensible me was however powerless to do anything about it
The trigger is us in a way and thats why counselling and a healthcheck is so important. If you talk to people and medical professionals they can pick up on the signs of whats wrong. some people seem scared of this but you have to talk it through and explain the feelings deep in your soul
Best wishes to everyone
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