Hello, I have had a gambling addiction for most of my adult life. I'm not sure how I got to this point of despair, loneliness, and fear. I want today to be my first day GF on the road to the rest of my life. I need support from my wife and family and friends by I am horrified to tell them of my illness along with my insurmountable debts.
My wife is the most amazing person I know but I feel she will be so she'll shocked if I tell her and I'm afraid she will leave me and that her family will hate me. I hope I can get a chance at redemption and come out of this as a better person and have stronger relationships once I'm clean but I just have no idea how to get started on this journey.
Please let me know any advice on how to get started, and thank you to any and all thoughts.
@y3sxrdlw75 Afternoon Hope824
What a brave and open post today.
Well you made the first step of admitting you no longer want this life yourself and family.
Practically sort out where all your debt are and contact step change to help sort. Bank blocks are really good, Monzo card is still great addition to blocks as there is many banks that block transactions that are gambling related. Give up control for a while of your money if you can. Supported my son for 9 year of terrible gambling harm. Online , casinos and betting shop.
I think as am affected other the lies and deceit is the worse thing to cope with as it takes so long to ever trust again. But with hard work and people to support you , it is possible.
The commitment is yours only. At this point your focus is about your recovery only. GA is good and they have support groups for families as well. Also the Gamcare helpline provides advice and a non judgemental ear. Both myself and son spent so many hours just talking out our feelings to them.
Reach out to everything that can help you as there is abetter life out there for you.
Hope your amazing wife supports you, many many people told me to turn my back on my own son. Could not do that , he is 17 months GF now.
Where there is help there is hope , so wish you well
Patsy
Online peer supporter
@y3sxrdlw75 I was in the same situation as you in Oct of last year. I genuinely would have died than let people around me know how bad the gambling/debt was.
In the end I broke and came clean. I had built up the confession in my head to such a massive immovable mountain that I thought my life would fall apart when everyone knew.
It was not an easy conversation. My wife was shocked and disappointed but actually responded very well.
The next day, after she knew about the gambling and what a state I had been in the sun still came up, it was not the end of the world.
My path to recovery is still in front to me but I am on the right road. The first step on the path is honesty. Be honest to yourself that you can't get through this without support. Also be honest with yourself that you deserve this support. Then your next move is to be honest with those around you.
You can't control the way those around you will react. That is their right to respond in the way they feel. However even the worse response is better than the utter hell of problem gambling and all the harm that goes with it.
Remember, you never chose this. Problem gamblers have a real mental health problem surrounding gambling. Our brain is functioning in a way that needs help so as well as seeking help and taking responsibility, be kind to yourself.
Thank you both for your incredibly kind and thoughtful responses. I'm glad I found this forum and hope that it can help me to finally change my behavior permanently. I plan to tell a good friend about my issues tomorrow which I'm pretty confident he will be supportive and helpful.
The big one will be telling my partner, as I originally posted, and hope for compassion and forgiveness once I do come clean. I know that whenever I do decide to tell her, it will lift an incredible weight off my shoulders, but I also realize how scary and devastating it will be, and know that it will change my life forever. Also, I want to get through this so that I can help others that face similar situations in the future.
@y3sxrdlw75 Afternoon Hope824
Your very welcome , glad our comments helped and you feel supported.
Meeting a friend and telling them is a great move. I remember when my son talked for first time I could almost see relief lift out of his face and body. Waking up knowing you are going to lie to people and to yourself every day is draining.
Hope sincerely your friend will be supportive, honesty is really the way forward despite the obvious pain and unknown. But it also shows commitment to change.
Best wishes today and in going forward.
I now am volunteering to give back to other affected others. it is very therapeutic.
Patsy
Online peer supporter
Thank you for the support Patsy. I am now on day 5 GF and I have taken steps to help me moving forward so that I never go back to where I have been so often over the years. I reached out to a therapist to set up time to talk, I created a list of goals/tasks I need to complete to keep making progress. I talked to a friend a few days ago and admitted to someone out loud my issues for the first time. I plan to call a hotline to speak with a professional in the area as well to learn about more resources for help.
I still have a long way to go and am still fearful of how much debt I have and especially fearful of telling my spouse about what I've been going through for so long. I know I should be telling her today, and if not today, tomorrow, and I know there will never be the "right time" to tell her. We have important events coming up in the next 2 weekends that I do not want to ruin. I know this is just a temporary excuse and am hoping to find the strength to tell her sometime next week.
Thank you all.
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