...and I never will be. That's what I realise after at least 35 years gambling. I thought it had left me, or that I had it under control, but after a few years off, it has returned and the 'rage' is a strong as ever. I can't stop it. I just want to forget myself and feel the buzz, the high, the hope, the pain. The pain! I even enjoy the pain of losing. Win or lose, it gets me going, somehow. It's the thrill of putting it all on the line. But it will kill me. It will kill me, one way or another. It makes me hate myself. I have to lie to my wife now. I've read posts on here saying tell your loved ones, open up, but I think if I did this then she would absolutely despise me. And I also think I would be doing this mostly for myself. It would make me feel better. It would be a relief fpr me. But if would make her angry and miserable. So why should I do that to her?
I'm taking steps to stop again. Online casinos are my weakness now, so I have self excluded and I have even closed bank accounts, so that now I have no access to money which cannot be noticed by my wife. Am I doing the right thing? I can't tell her. I feel so guilty, but I can't tell her.
In the past I've gambled to oblivion, to the point where I've had to leave the country to escape and not repay debts. I've even written a book about it all, which was a catharsis and a help, but wasn't the end of it.
I just want it to stop now, again, and that's why I'm here writing this. I've never asked for help before, but the messages here and reading about other people's experiences really do help me. It's the reason why I decided to cut my losses again, self exclude and face up to it again. Thank you to all the people who write on here and good luck to you all.
Join Gamstop, if online casinos are your thing it’s the best you can do.
Hello HJ, welcome to the forum.
First and foremost, I would advise you to sign up to ‘Gamstop’. It’s a online gambling register that will automatically self exclude you from ALL online betting sites/casino’s that are regulated in the UK for up to 5 years. This has to be a priority.
Good luck HJ and keep us updated.
Hi HJ,
Firstly welcome and thanks for sharing your story.
I’d be interested in reading your book? Did it get published?
I think you need to face up to your wife. She deserves to know the truth as if effects her. She may me mad initially and you may interpret it as her being mad when she is just offering support. We are afraid of the unknown and what will happen but let me assure you if she finds out and she wasn’t told, chances are she will never forgive you.
You have the ability to change and with help and support you can beat this. Don’t run before you can walk and take the advice of Vin.
Some of the ladies on here who have stuck by their husbands may be able to offer better guidance than me however I confessed my addiction and I feel much better for it.
Keep posting and visiting. It will help your recovery.
CJ.
Please sign up to Gamstop - its scary cutting out the means to gamble - but its the only way and it works - whoever thought of it and worked to get it up and running should get a medal. It's saved me and goodness knows how many others
Thank you all for your support. I have now signed up to gamstop and self excluded. It's the only way. I wish I had done it a long time ago. But you're right, I think I was too scared to let it go and not ready to accept it. This is a great forum and very supportive. I will also try to help and support others where I can. Thank you.
CJ - the book is called 'Lucky Loser' and it's available on Amazon. It's a novel, based on experiences. Writing it did help me and made me face my problems at the time. I've had a relapse now, but I think I'll be ok. I've got too much to lose, otherwise.
Thanks again for the support. I will give it back as much as I can.
Hi,
Well done for even getting here. I do have a gambling addiction and so does my partner. However he is the one who has gambled most recently and speaking as a partner of a gambler he came and told me off his own back that he had relapsed and gambled. It was hard for him but I had so much respect for him and after the initial shock, anger and all the other feelings all I wanted to do was support him. I can't speak for your partner but it would definitely stand you in better stead if you tell her and she doesn't find out of her own accord. You will also be putting lots of pressure on yourself trying to keep it hidden from her. Ultimately it's your choice, but I firmly believe as hard as it would be it really would be your best option long term. Regardless of what you do, good luck and keep reading here and posting. You've taken big steps, just keep moving forward one say at a time. Good luck!
Gemma
Hi Spectrum/Gemma,
Thank you for your message of support. I think I'm too scared to tell her, to be honest. I don't think it would help. I don't want to upset her. I'm pretty sure I can cover my tracks and after a month or two my 'slip up' will go unnoticed.
I know this sounds absolutely awful. And I hate myself for it. But I also think it's the best way. Maybe I'm being too arrogant, or ignorant, but we'll see.
I've been a gambler and, consequently, a liar all of my life, one way or another. And yes, I do feel a lot of pressure at the moment. And it's making me miserable. I did write her a letter, explaining everything. I had it under the bed for a week, but I didn't give it to her. I've destroyed it now.
We'll see what happens from now. I'm sure I've stopped with the gambling now. As much as I want to do it I can't because I've self excluded online. Writing and reading on here seems to be helping me.
Thank you again for the support and advice. And good luck to you too!
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