I dont know what to do

@9cg3hd85xu

I read and then re read your post.

You say he is a good dad but admits he is an addict.  You then say he has never put you in danger.

Only you can answer the question 'can I be with a gambler'.

It is totally understandable that given your dad's history that you don't want to be with a gambler.

Personally I think that if his gambling is causing you pain the he has a responsibility to stop. But I have no freedom of speech.

You’re in a really difficult position- and it’s one that I am familiar with.

I was in a three year relationship with a problem gambler who told me about his gambling very early on. I was quite naive about it and believed him when he told me that it was only certain types of gambling that were the problem and that he could control others. (This was obviously a lie- I just didn’t want to see the truth). He had a relapse last April. And then again in October. He didn’t want to get help. His decisions did cost me- significantly in the past. He stole from my credit card and I had complete control of the bills but he would contribute nothing. 

For me, I had to make the decision to walk away because I couldn’t trust him at all and he refused to get help, plus he was opting out of our relationship- really throwing himself into self sabotage. So I couldn’t live with it.

BUT nobody can make that decision but you. You have to do what you feel is right. If you decide to stay, make sure that you protect yourself and that you have support networks around you. Same if you go. It’s a hard decision and there’s no easy answer. Wish you all the luck with whatever you do. And regardless- there are ‘affected other’ support groups that you might find helpful if you’re not in one already. 

Posted by: @9cg3hd85xu

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Hi all, I have been with my partner for 10 years, he's an amazing partner and father but he's an addict, he admits he's an addict but doesn't want to stop because its fun. He's never put us on danger with his addiction but I have a complicated past, my Dad was a gambler and he ended up in jail for fraud trying to get money to gamble so I have always stayed very far away from gambling. My partner tells me that I shouldn't stop him from doing something he enjoys if it doesn't affect me financially but I can't help but feel destroyed everytime he does it which is daily, I don't know whether I'm being unreasonable but I don't think I can spend my life with a gambler, he wasn't a gambler when we met or we wouldn't be together now. If I could get some advice I would very much appreciate it, thank you. 

It is reasonable for you to have feelings and worries of your partner’s gambling. Being in a relationship with an addicted person, though not directly in financial terms, is hard. Bear in mind; it is rational to worry that your lover might be an addict. This may put a stress on relationships and in search of support for the partner and yourself is imperative. It is a tough situation, and it may need some time and effort to come up with a solution that suits both of you.

I'm truly sorry to hear about the difficult situation you're facing. Dealing with a loved one's addiction can be emotionally challenging. It's a complex and deeply personal decision to stay with a partner who has an addiction. It's essential to prioritize your well-being and the well-being of your family.