I don't know what wrong with me!

Hi Antonio

I read your comments and could feel everything you had to say.

This is my new start and I hope we can support each other through this.

Good luck and one day at a time. The good thing is you are not alone, and you have made steps to change which is positive.

Hi Antonio

First of all welcome to the forum where you will get plenty of advice and support from people. I totally understand how you feel at this moment in time as I was in the same shoes you are some 15 weeks ago. I totally know what you mean when you say you felt ashamed,guilty, worthless and stupid, I couldn't open up to anyone about my gambling addiction as I thought I would be seen as a failure. I know you say you can't tell your wife but she will find out in the long run and also she can potentially help you in your recovery. I would try giving the Gamcare helpline a ring and even try having some councilling session as thes might potentially help you, I don't know if you have a GA meeting near you but I also attend these meetings and find these very helpful as you are in a room with people who have the same problems one way or another !! Hope you get sorted and can become gamble free as life is so much better when we are not gambling !!

All the Best

Darren

Hello,

Maybe a good start is banning yourself from casinos. Take care.

t

I feel for you Antonio - let's be honest, had you won you wouldn't have posted here but you would have only deferred the big loss.

You have a lot of positives in your favour to help you beat this. You have to start somewhere. Ban yourself from the forms of gambling that appeal set a budget stick to it and try not to look at the headline figures as it will seem a slog.

Gambling got you into this but it cannot get you out of it.

Stay strong - small steps you'll get there.

It's so familiar reading all the above I'm in about 22000 of debt can't really seem to understand how I got here and with it comes the guilt depression sadness and shame . This clearly proves this is an illness ! I have now been having counciling for the last 12 weeks I'm not cured by any sense but I've deffinatley gained some control . My wife knows nothing about my debts and I'm in the middle of processing a dmp . Once this is set up I'm going to come clean hand over my finances and hope she doesn't leave me taking our kids with her! I would highly reccomend the gamcare counciling if anything the ability to tell someone how you feel is a release which has helped me find some freedom from the gambling . Good luck guys

Hi Antonio

Having been in your wife's unenviable position I can only echo Darren's advice about coming clean. Your wife is going to find out. Telling her now puts you on control of how that happens and instantly makes you accountable to someone other than yourself. Secrets are corrosive. Telling her lifts the burden and I can't think of one CG who's posted here who has regretted coming clean whatever the outcome. It's not fair to her to let her carry on believeing that everything is fine when it isn't.

Yes, she'll be devastated and there will be some bruising conversations had and no, she quite rightly won't trust you for a long time to come if ever but the upside to that is the possibility of wreaking further havoc (it's a progressive addiction and debts can spiral very rapidly) is very much minimised and your mental health and working life are likely to improve as the stress of living a lie is removed.

Hi Antonio

Welcome to the forum. If you phone gamcare and keep using the forum you will learn all about the addiction and the emptiness in your soul that it thrives on.

Honesty is the key and you need a born again moment. You must stop gambling and face up to your life.

You may well have been suffering from stress and depresssion. You need to realise that its been in you for a long time. With counselling I started facing the fact that I had always been addicted to machines ever since I first used one forty years ago.

The addiction was always in me and I was never in control even though I deluded myself that I could take it or leave it.

There is no shame in reaching out for help. Youve been living a lie which is destroying everything that is important

You can recover from this so please start doing the right thing. Perhaps one day you can tell your family when you have a clear plan of action. You need to be handing the finances over. It will save your quality of life.

You need a born again moment and you must enter recovery.

Being gamble free is a wonderful feeling of self respect

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

Well what can I say. Instead of heeding the good advice given here and elsewhere I carried on heading towards total self destruction over the last 5 months. Total loss? more than £30k..........

Got paid yesterday and by midday today I have managed to lose £1300 which is basically half my salary. Now I am going to miss my mortgage payment for the first time!

Can't do this anymore. I have 3 kids under 10 and if my partner finds out it's over for me. What's worse is I keep making the same mistake over and over. Every payday I do the same but this time it's the worst as I only have £300 to last the whole family for a month!

If I had the courage I would end it all right now.

That is not the solution. Imagine the devastation you will leave behind?
A lot of people who use this forum have had similar feelings to yours but have managed to stop.
I'm not going to comment on the money you have lost but believe me and others - you CAN move forward and get this monkey off your back with good advice, commitment, honesty and sticking to it one day at a time.
Why not come to the 8pm chat? You won't get judged believe me.

Thanks Phil I will try to make it.

Feeling totally numb at the moment. Called the help line as I clearly have a big problem that could result in the destruction of everything I have built over the last 10 years. Going to see if I can get some counselling sessions sorted out soon.

It's pathetic really... I can't believe I've done this to my family. Of all people I should be the one looking after them. Wow I need to have a long think about what I've done. This isn't acceptable at all.

Hi Antonio. Default on a debt rather than mortgage, mortgage is first most important payment. Please tell your wife. I'm wife of cg and we know what you're up to, especially as you've done it before. Get help, get online blockers in place. Hand over the finances, it's the only way.

I think counselling could be helpful to find out what drives you and your motivation to gamble?

Merry go round wrote:

Hi Antonio. Default on a debt rather than mortgage, mortgage is first most important payment. Please tell your wife. I'm wife of cg and we know what you're up to, especially as you've done it before. Get help, get online blockers in place. Hand over the finances, it's the only way.

Over the last few months I've confessed twice to my partner. The first time she took it well but the second she was devestated to be honest there is no more third chance. If I get found out it's over. I can't hand over my finances. She is aware of the size of personal debt that I have but she doesn't know that I'm gambling my salary like this.

Feeling awful right now ......

With regards to the mortgage I will have to somehow find the money to pay it this month. May have to turn to family/friends which i haven't done for a long time. Worst case I will have to get in touch with the bank and explain the situation. Not sure I will tell them the root cause though.