Hi all
This is my first time on the forum, so I was wondering if anyone can tell me how to stop feeling like a fool when it comes to my husband's gambling?
My husband and I have been together for 27 years and the first time I knew he was gambling was around 10 years ago when he got into debt with credit cards and had no option but to come clean with me. He had accrued around £26,000 in debt and I helped him to pay off these as I had just taken volountary redundancy.
Since then he has gambled over the last 10 years on and off without my knowledge but things came to a head again about 2 years ago due to on line gambling. I managed to find out which sites he had been using and looked into his accounts and was flabbergasted at how often and the amounts he was gambling, there were even times when we would have been sitting in our living room together or at family parties. When I asked my husband why he did not stop when he had won back some of his losses, he said 'it just wasnt enough'
After this I left my husband for around 3 months and he promised that there would be no more gambling, either on line, in bookies or fruit machines, that was until last November, when it was the fruit machines, then in March this year again, fruit machines.
These are the times that I am aware of so I know there will be plenty of other times that I dont know of, he has as much told me this. We are at crisis point in our relationship now, however, we have both been for a Gamcare assessment (myself for family counselling)in the last week, so are waiting for some counselling dates
This is what leads me here today, to this forum, to ask the question, will I ever stop feeling like a fool for believing his lies?
I wodered if there is anyone else on this forum who has along term partner who has made them feel like this.
Thank you
Hi,
I have a girlfriend for several years, and have lost count the amount of times i have lied to her or gave her some story in order to get money to gamble. She has always been very supportive of me and my addiction. A few years ago, I made the decision to give her control of my money even then I would lie and make up storys about why i would need her to transfer me money. From telling her I need to pay some unexpected bill, to lying that I need the money for a business oppurtunity.
Recently she wasnt buying anymore of my lies, and she said she would not give me the money. I then lied further and said ok you dont have to give me money you can pay the bill for me. I then called up the company which she paid the money and told them the payment was made in error and they refunded it to my account and i gambled with it.
she found out and she may have felt like she had been fooled. but the only fool is me, and i feel bad for all the lies and silly excuses i give her. I dont like doing this, and I have never told anyone including her the extent or nature of my losses. sometimes the shame is just to much. How you going to explain that we cant go out for a nice dinner because it is too expensive yet a few days earlier you threw several thousand in the bin. I guess its just the nature of the illness.
Thank you Frankie123. That is really honest of you.
I am trying my hardest to understand but when he lies to me, he is so convincing that I stuggle to believe him now. If I support him, I feel that I am letting myself and family down and I begin to feel ashamed myself for not being stronger.
It is good to be able to hear from you and your perspective on things
Thank you
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