Hi everyone,
Firstly this is scary for me to finally accept that I am a compulsive gambler. I have never really accepted this before now, to give a bit of context I am almost 30 years old and have been gambling since 18. I went to university and gambled my entire student loan, to save myself I took out credit cards and then maxed them out where I finally told my grandparents who gave me 5k to pay my bills and get sort of back on my feet since at this point I had gambled around 15k on credit cards and a 6k student loan and I dont really know how much of my wages each month as I worked part time in retail whilst studying and yep you guessed it gambled that. At that time I lost it and I self excluded from all gambling sites to try and curb it where I selected the 5 years. Fast forward 5 years later to now where I got an email from one of the betting sites saying my exclusion had now been lifted I started gambling again. In the last month I have gambled 13k of my savings without my partner knowing and now have 3 overdrafts totalling 6k. Honesly I feel so worthless its unreliable right now and I just don't know what to do. I feel like someone has thrown me in the ocean but without teaching me to swim. Today I placed my last bet the very last of the overdraft the bank have gave me and im now stuck and have so much regret. I always thought because I didnt gamble in casinos and only sports betting that I was never an addict. Looking back now at all the hardship I went through to actually repay the debt and saved (i slept in my car for 2 years and lived off branflakes and bread for almost a year to save every penny. The problem i have is I don't know why I have dont I again or what gives me the urge to gamble. I know that after losing the 13k I have been constantly chasing loses and under performing at work because my entire attention has been on trying to win back the money. My partner knew years ago that I had gambled some money but she never knew the full extend and told me on that same day that if I ever gamble again she would leave me in a heart beat. I feel lost that I cant really talk to anyone about it and that I've been lying to her as thats not the kind of person I am. Today I have self excluded again for another period of 5 years but I want to know if you can exclude for life? Honestly I can never get back to this mess that I am in because I've never felt so suicidal and worthless ever. What id like help with specifically is how not to gamble and to start the road of recovery. I honestly think now in total ive lost over 40k at the age of almost 30 and what the most heartbreaking thing is the money was for a mortgage deposit and I've blown it. Everyone around me seems to flourish in life and im completely sinking and I just don't know where else to go or what to do. Please please will you help me so I can help myself.
Hi Laura,
Welcome to the forum and well done for posting your story.
As you mention feeling 'Suicidal and worthless', I thought I would invite you to call us on our freephone 0808 8020 133 or on our netline, so we can offer you immediate emotional support. The freephone and netline are staffed 24 hours a day so you can call us whenever you feel like it.
Another option is the Samaritans freephone 116 123. You could also consider talking with your NHS GP if you are generally struggling with low mood or anxiety or stress.
GamCare can offer free treatment sessions to support recovery from problem gambling; you can choose telephone appointments or online videocalls. So there are many ways you can get support in addition to this forum and the GamCare chatrooms.
Thanks for sharing your experience and please feel welcome to continue posting and maybe starting a diary in the 'Recovery diaries' section, if you like.
Take care,
Adam.
Hi Laura,
First off all well done for seeking help and the good news is there is plenty out there. How successful you are depends on how committed you are.
Its difficult for an outsider to be able to answer why you gamble but it’s fair to say that you do fit the criteria of a compulsive gambler.
Out of interest, when you self excluded 5 years ago did you seek any other help or did you simply self exclude and succeed through will power alone.
The financial loss is a common theme and personally I reckon I have lost £80k in total over 20 years or so of gambling. I still owe £40k now from when I hit rock bottom for the 2nd time a few years back. Sadly the money is gone and given it was money you had saved for a deposit you will no doubt have to explain this to your other half. I’m sure this won’t be an easy conversation but hopefully, once over the shock, they will see you are doing all you can to get help and support.
We’re all different but personally I’ve found talking to people on the chatroom on here and reading posts on the forums a huge help. There’s strength in unity and it’s great seeing and sharing in other people’s recoveries.
You can’t change the past but you can make a difference to your life going forward and as low as you feel right now, things can and will get better.
16 days ago I was despairing. I’d pretty much gambled away all the money I had saved and won over lockdown in the space of a few weeks and 16 days on, I’ve not placed a bet, feel mentally and physically stronger and life seems so much better. The urges do come occasionally but I have a block on my bank acc so can’t gamble online even if I wanted to.
There is lots of help out there so tap into it and find out what works for you.
Rest assured, you are not unique to be in the situation you find yourself, you are not alone and you can have a bright future.
I wish you well and hope to see you progress.
It's crazy. Your situation sounds scarily similar to mine. Read my last post.
What amazes me is that you actually didn't gamble for five years! That's an amazing achievement.
My gf also said to me that she'd leave me a few years ago when she found out about my gambling. She actually didn't know how bad it was. Currently I'd have absolutely nowhere to go if I told her. I'd have nothing.
The money you have lost. And the time. There is absolutely nothing you can do about it. It's gone. You've excluded for five years again. That's great. You can and must rebuild your life. And five years is a long time. Gambling is a demon The sooner you let this demon go, the sooner you will be successful.
I would say before anything else, take a deep breath and take a minute. Trust me, as somebody who has two decades on you, your life is not over and you have plenty of time to recover your sanity and financial health. If it wasn't too late for me then it's not too late for someone twenty years younger.
Yes I would look into if it is possible to self-exclude for life. I'm not sure but I'm positive someone here on the forums will give you the answer. If it's not possible then I would immediately self-exclude for a further 5 years. We also have to re-train ourselves as to what is going on in our brains when the urges appear and adjust our thinking to find coping mechanisms. I and many others will have been in your position where we are doing very well and then out of the blue we get a communication from a bookmaker and before you can blink your eyes, we are back to the old habits and back in financial difficulties. You are not unique in that respect my friend! However, the fight back is to recognize that the communication from the bookie was not an open invitation to commence gambling again. We try to persuade ourselves that that's what happened but in reality you used that communication to give yourself permission to gamble once more. At some point we have to be more than just determined not to gamble again, we have to back that up with genuine actions.
You are where you are and the losses are what they are. Above all else, the first stage of your recovery is to convince yourself the money has gone. DO NOT CHASE ANYMORE. You will not win it back but you may make your debt much larger and more of an issue. There are organisations such as stepchange that can assist you in consolidating your debt and helping you begin the process of clearing it off. You've done it once before and you CAN do it again.
This is the start of a long journey of recovery. It will not be easy. It is not supposed to be easy. But this makes it all the more satisfying when you can stay gamble free and slowly begin to see the fruits of your recovery begin. You will start to notice you have a little bit more each month than you were used to. You will slowly realise that your every hour and day is not consumed with panic and stress.
Should you tell your other half? I can't answer that one. Some people on the forum will always caution yes you should but I come from the camp that understands that everyone and every situation is different. Only you can answer that particular question.
Finally try to stay rational. You are at your lowest ebb at the moment and feeling very vulnerable. You need to weather this storm, do the right thing, and slowly things will get a bit better each and every day you remain gambling free.
I wish you the very best of luck and the courage to face this challenge head on. YOU CAN DO THIS..
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
