I knew it would happen. It won't happen again.

I am not a compulsive gambler, but I am a problem one. This is my second post, my last. The first one was about £100 loss and wanting to be able to let go, not need to chase losses, but guess what, I chased and won that one back, but alas, when you win, you ironically lose.

I have 2 small kids and me and my wife are very careful with money. I'll go shopping and look for deals so we can get more for our money, I'll do cashback where I can to be the most economic but then I'll gamble and money loses all meaning. 

I only recently started gambling again due to the Euros and this and that exposed me more frequently to online casinos. The problem is you can never win enough, but you can ALWAYS LOSE BIG. 

Most of my accounts were on a take a break following a small loss, but for some reason I decided to open another account with another provider, I was quickly depositing £250 ... In the space of my wife going to the supermarket to pick up a parcel I had lost £1000, my biggest single loss to date. One spin was £400, £400 on a ball rolling round a wheel, and here I am looking for veg of the week to save money. 

I don't know how much I have lost gambling in my life, certainly its a fair amount. I tend to build up small wins, then hit a major loss and exclude for a good amount of time as luckily I don't wake needing to gamble, and if its not available to me, I don't (usually) seek to find new avenues to bet. 

I can't tell my wife, she wouldn't understand. So I choose to post here to get my demons out once and for all. As a recently new father, my life has changed massively and I have found myself detached from friends, unhappy in work, no real time to find a way to release my anxiety or destress and I know this has led me to this situation. The few wins here and there were a false joy in amongst everything that was making me feel down and then I lose £1000 in 30 minutes. I didn't listen to the other members on here who told me that betting can't be enjoyed, its only a matter of time before you hit a big loss and here I am. I even said in my first post "I'm the kind of guy who will spend £1000 to win back £100", I knew this would happen and I did nothing to stop it.

Well I am determined to make this a positive experience. Let this loss be a catalyst to rise from the bottom. I've seen what a horrible person I become when I gamble and how it detaches me from the people most important in my life. I wont let my children's young years pass me by whilst I gamble away money that I could use to spend time with them doing fun things (and not worrying about money as I often do). 

I am lucky that I can absorb this, and that I've never gambled myself into debt, but everyone has their demons that specifically to them...It's a sliding scale, everyone runs their own race, and my gambling race is complete. No more, I will never deprive my children of money that could be used creating precious memories.

I have decided to think of the £1000 lost, as £1000 spent to buy a mirror. A mirror that has reflected to me all the things I hate about myself, and all the things I want to change going forward. That money is gone, along with all the prior losses. I won't be lured back in. I'm finally done. 

I wish everyone affected by gambling problems all the best, find a way to turn whatever your situation is into a positive and move on if you can. Loss is never easy, but when you stop, you can't lose anymore. 

Thanks for reading, take care.