I know I'm not the only one who has reached a point in life where you feel so determined to stop. Alright, I admitt I felt a lot more determined, last week when I spend 7k on a credit card, that I was going to stop for good.... and I still believe right now at this moment in time, it's the last time.
When I lose almost every penny I've got, In some strange, twisted way, I feel like a winner. It makes me feel something, Something that every day life doesn't seem to offer! It gets my blood pumping! It makes me feel the opposite of what I know logically, I should feel. It makes me feel alive!!
I know it's all wrong! I know it's just the buzz I'm after. Right? Noone wants to actually lose money.
Hi B And welcome! I ALWAYS feel the same as you when I'm gambling - the excitement, the buzz! That's why it's such an addiction! The problem of course is, the stakes are much higher than money - you're left with self-loathing and desperation! Keep posting. Take care. Helen. X
I think I know how you feel, is it that when its gone, there no pressure to keep betting, maybe you also feel now you can at least stop, sort yourself out a bit. i know I feel like this, followed by the inevitable guilt an anger at myself.
Have you thought of an alternative "buzz" (I am not suggesting getting high!!) what about hitting the gym, if you hit the gym an blitzed something for a good hour, might get yourself an alternative high, better for bank balance at least. I get a good feeling whe I go for a run, and sometimes a good sense of achievement. dont know if this is practical for you jus an idea. I'm going to really try an put this Bs behind me now, look forward to having more control on this impulsive behaviour. G'luck!
I get it completely it's the excitement, the immersion in the game that means all the rest of life cannot get to you, all consuming....then you run out of funds and you feel sick for whatever mess your in financially, you hate yourself.
It's all about feeling something/anything that gets your heart racing....sounds like your trigger is boredom and you need to find a different distraction.
Only you can find what will hold your interest, I was clean for years until a few months ago and had a major relapse and came back here for first time in 4 years, so this fights never over.
Take care
W xx
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