I'm so Stupid

Hi there I am new to This forum but after reading lots of the stories on here it is clear I am not alone.

I have been where you are, after I got made redundant I spent it all in a matter of days.

Since then I have spent various loans, payday loans, credit cards. Just the other week as I had no Joey of my own I spent money on my wife's credit card which was a new low for me.

I also suffer with depression, I feel for you and probably being stuck in the house won't help.

What I am trying to do now is find other things to do which I enjoy. You may feel you have let your partner down but really it is yourself.

Secretly he would probably admit he thought this day would come, my wife did with me.

Try keep positive and don't let this destroy your family.

When you have the urge to gamble, say to yourself well this 50.00 could take us out for a family day.

Look at your children think what makes them happy and what that money being spent would mean to them.

It is very early days for me but I am trying. You must tell your husband the truth even if you replace the money there will be another time.

I hope you can sort it and if you want to talk to me anytime you can.

Colin thank-you for replying, well another sleepless night, woke up this morning feeling pure and utter remorse. Worse thing was I had won enough to pay off what I had spent on the card and my back would be ok.

So yet again all the feelings of self loathing are back.

I can't tell him this time Colin, he said if I ever did it again he would leave me. I know where your coming from when you say your wife knew this was coming.

I know that when the baby is born I won't have time. And I so can't wait for that. My other children are much older and grown up. Time on your hands is a bad thing.

Well Day no 1 again, I'm not going to think about the losses. Try and be positive and keep myself busy.

Sorry you have had a relapse, I'm new on here but am trying to make it one step at a time. I have never told my husband but sometimes the guilt gets so bad that he must know I'm not honest with him. I don't think he would understand so I'm trying to fix it all by myself. Don't know if the burden if the secret is worse than fessing up. He looks at me sometimes and I can see a huge question mark in his eyes it's awful 🙁

You have done a bad thing and I know you fear you will lose your partner which will make things ten times harder, but I don't think he will leave you especially so close to being a mam again (congratulations).

The thing with gambling is it is a mega high which can't be replicated and things that you enjoy ( me I like reading, watching films) seem so immensely boring after gambling. That is why it takes over your life, I know all this and can't help myself.

Once the baby is born think about joining a mother newborn club. Go out and sit in public places, appreciate money.

I went to Starbucks yesterday and sat with my daughter and spent 10.00 and thought this was expensive. My daughter loved it and I enjoyed being out the house.

10.00? I wouldn't even dream of bothering to put a bet on for that amount.

It is up to you if you want to tell your parter but like me the fact you are on here seems to say you want help.

You can do it if you replace the money say to your partner can you change the password again as for a moment you had an urge to gamble

I just wonder why we relapse. When you do so well and then that's feeling is there just saying another 20, another 50. I will get it back. Yes I feel the same when I talk to my husband. I just feel like I'm acting all the time. Well I am?

Yes it's mad I can go to the shops and think I'm not paying that as it's too much but would think nothing of putting hundreds, I even know I've spent thousands on these betting sites.

Hi Anj

I don't know why we relapse other than it is an addiction. As with all other addictions we cannot control it once we start. For me the only control I have is over my choice to take or not take that first bet. If I placed a bet I would have no control over the subsequent bets and losses. So for today I choose not to gamble. I wish you well with your recovery and hope you can abstain from having your next bet.

Good luck with the baby as well

T x

Hi and Good Morning,

I too have made that choice never to gamble again. Before hubby changed laptop password last night, he still doesn't know, I deleted all the software as these sites I used we're downloaded.

I have emailed the people whose bill is due on the first and said the payment will be 3 days late, and they have said this will be fine. I've had to pay 3 bills on my husbands credit card, which I control monthly payments, so I will make a massive effort to get down again. My car payment will be 2 weeks late, but hopefully by the end of next month, apart from the credit card bill, I might be more straight again.

Can't believe I did this to myself again. I need to stay strong and keep myself busy. As my other children are older, they are not around a lot so being on maternity leave, I'm home alone a lot of the time. I have access to nothing now and I know that's the only way I can do this.

We will get through this. We have this forum to offload and talk. X