Just don't know what to do

hi boyo

heart felt story , and i know exactly what you mean my crux has been roulette in all its modern day forms basically loosing massive money to a computer screen , i lost my whole wages in novemember in middle of the night and woke my gf crying at 4am , the numb feeling lasts for ages and normal life really hurts as you see prices and all the things you could of bought , but once in that gambling trance its soo hard to stop especially if ur a CG

obviously the only way to turn it around is ADMIT you got a problem , your not alone trust me i imagine you have read through this website/forum , and if ioyu cant win because you can,t stop or your chasing without thinking of consequence the only way is to stop completly

you have to do it and support is more likely to suceed , find al ocal GA and work with it like an illness , every day you need to be aware of dangers

keep in touch

Cheers for he reply Spraggy2014.

It's just a really hard thing to admit to you know. I've always thought that I'd never be like this but see when I'm on the roulette table it's a buzz mate. The only problem is I can never see an end point, normally when I walk away is when I've lost the lot. It's like what do I have to do to say I've won enough now walk away?

I've seen me hitting payday loans to get money thinking one big win is all I need, problem is the big win comes and goes but that doesn't stop me.

I kinda know I need help but I really don't want my partner or family to know as that will cause so much talk and attention towards me.

What did you do mate?

Hello Chris

Welcome to the forum.

We've all told ourselves we can easily stop at some point.

It's important to acknowledge that no win is ever enough. Don't forget it.

I've gone into the bookies with the uncharacteristic outrageous optimism gambling brings out in me - "I'll win £150 and walk out." I remember doing just that once - minus the walking out bit. I ended up losing hundreds. Again!

I understand - putting it politely gambling has taken over my life. Accurately - gambling has ruined it.

In your situation I think you should tell your partner everything. If you have a pregnant partner I don't think it's very fair on her to be worrying about the father of her baby having an affair. Confessing will ease the stress on you both.

You wouldn't want your partner hiding a problem like this from you. You would want to help.

You will probably find fighting your addiction together easier.

For your partner there is help. GamAnon looks after and provides support for people affected by others gambling addiction. This site has a family & friends section which does the same.

For you my advice would be to give control of your finances to your patner, then if you need to look into CBT, GA, counselling, phone the GamCare helpline. There is help out there.

There's a lot of experience on the forum, read what's helped others in a similar position to yourself.

Take your time, think things through, learn from others.

I think - and I know it's tough - you need to do what's right for your family, not what's easiest for you.

Glint

Hi Boyo , There's many of us on here who have lost fortunes on the Fobt's in the bookies myself included ! , never really had a problem untill I started playing those evil things , they suck you in with all the near misses and spit you out when theyv'e done !.

The problem is for us Compulsive Gamblers , we can't win because we can't stop , it's not about the winning anymore just the buzz you get and thats the problem .

No easy way out my friend except to stop completely , we cant just go back to having the odd bet , it doesn't work that way , once we cross that line you can't just have the odd bet anymore !.

If your serious about giving up and changing your life then youv'e come to the right place , no judgements on here , just support for you and your partner if she needs it ?.

A few things that will help are to self exclude from all the bookies you can ,it only takes a few minutes and a couple of photos, also you can download free blocking software to stop you betting online , K9 seems to be one of choice on here but there are others you could buy . Limiting the cash or cards you have also helps or better still hand over your financal control to your partner , if indeed she knows of your problem?.

If she doesn't then coming clean is also something you need to at least consider , addiction thrives on secrecy , so by te.lling her you become more accountable.

The last thing is a bucketload of willpower as all these blocks can be overcome if you really want to gamble , those blocks I mentioned will break your Time , Money , Location triangle , remove one and you can't gamble but keeping it broken is down to you !.

I stopped betting over 4 months ago and couldn't b happier , it will take a few weeks for the brain fog to clear but once it does you will be able to see how much better your life will become as you don't constantly have gambling on your mind !

Loads of advice on here my friend all you need to do is ask us or the gamcare team !

Hope this helps a bit ?

Best wishes for now ..............................Alan

Thanks for the messages guys,

Not meaning this in a bad way but it's good to hear that I'm not the only one going through this and there seems to be light at the end of what could be a long tunnel.

I just don't want to let my family down when I'm in this frame of mind. When I'm gambling I'm probably one of the most selfish people you'd ever meet as its all about that and nothing else matters.

I suppose it has to be all or nothing in regards to it can't even be a football bet can be made if I'm serious about this.

Again, thanks for the replies it's massively appreciated and I REALLY want to do this

Hello Mate,

Like it was said previously once you admit to yourself that you have a problem it is time to stop completely and put all barriers in place for any possible relapse..access to money is always a good start...the first few days, weeks will be tough but the pain will ease and the picture will clear and normality will resume but only if you put the necessary blocks in place early....Otherwise you will be back again and again each time in a worse state then before...take it from me I know how that feels...just do the right thing cut your loses now and start rebuilding your life for the better..you have everything still to play for..

Made a mess of it last night, lost £300 in a bookies on roulette. It's just a waste of time, feel absolutely sick and tired

Hello Boyo

I can see you've already had lots of support here but I wanted to see how you were doing now? You sounded really down in your last post and I can imagine that you're at rock bottom at the moment.

You said you had self-excluded from your online accounts but continued to find somewhere to gamble. Well done for taking the step to self-exclude - that can't have been easy. As extra measures, there's also blocking software for online gambling: http://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-advice/what-can-you-do/blocking-software#.VpUvjy1FCIY , and you could self-exclude from the betting shops you are using.

Perhaps, as it has already been suggested by other forum users, it's time to make another change, and to create another barrier to gambling. If nothing changes then it's possible you'll end up in this position time and time again, where you're feeling hopeless about things ever being any different, and feeling negatively about yourself. I appreciate you don't want to involve your family in this, but in doing so, the support you may then have could make a big difference to you and your family. You could then ask your partner to control the finances, reducing your access to money, and therefore to gambling. I understand you say you don't want to let them down, and you feel you are being selfish by gambling. On the other hand, if by telling your partner about this you are then able to make positive changes then you would be doing the right thing by everyone. Everyone in your position needs help and support to turn things around.

I can hear how much you want to do this. You can definitely do this, but like I say, something needs to change first.

I wish you all the best

Laura

Hi Boyo , You need to realise you will never win against a Fob't, there programmed to make the bookies money and not give it away , they suck you in with near misses , give you just enough to keep you interested and then take us for the mugs we are !.

The longer you play them the less chance you have of winning and thats odds and statistics !

Look at it this way , even if you won what would you do ?, you'd chuck it sraight back in again because it's not about the money for us , just the buzz , there's no monetry value , it's just ammunition for another go !.

If you want to stop you have to change , let go of the past and the losses and move on , one day at a time . The supports here but only if you want it , get those blocks in place and keep the triangle broken , remember Time, money . location , it works !.

I also mentioned earlier that addiction thrives on secrecy , so open up to your loved ones , once done as hard as it is to do people will help and you won't be on your own !.

Take care for now my friend and keep posting !

Ok Chris, we've learned that your willpower alone held out for a few hours. Good to see you come back here the next day.

Time to take some action. The advice is above, you need to implement some of it.

I sense that you're not ready to tell your partner. As she's pregnant, she needs looking after. If the stress of owning up to your gambling addiction would be greater on her than the stress of thinking you might be having an affair; leaving telling her might not be a bad thing. Make sure you do what's best for her. She will need to know.

I haven't got access to my money; it's not convenient but I can't be trusted. I accept that.

I can't gamble today.

Can you say the same?

I'd advise opening a children's savings account gambling addict or not. You write how it could of been your children's money - I get that, I gambled to the point all I had left were the coins the FOBT machine wouldn't accept - make some of that money your children's by paying into an account which only your partner has the details.

I'm trying my best not to gamble again in January.

I'd be delighted to see you do the same.

Don't bother with the children's account. My children are somewhat skint - their accounts were in his name and not mine. At the time the accounts were opened, the addiction wasn't that far progressed. The addiction continued unchecked, he "borrowed" their savings and spent six years trying in vain to win it back. In the end, he was exposed.

Unchecked, this addiction gets worse. Don't let it get to that stage.

CW

I read a book Sunday called the addictive personality, its rather long but it gives you ane of why we gamble and how ourbrain. Works, next time I go to gamble I may. Think twice

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Afternoon Folks,

Thanks for the advice & messages. This kinda eats you up.

I've been thinking about telling my partner & I just can't do it. If she starts digging & finds out how much I have gambled, I'm worried that it could ruin things between us. I have to beat this without her, I dunno if thats me being selfish but I want to protect her from this.?

The bottom line is, I can't be trusted with money. It sounds quite pathetic that a 31 year old can't be trusted to go to the shop without spending a fortune in a bookie but thats the reality for me.

You know that feeling when your checking your bank & think I can get this for the other half, that for the kids & then you blow the whole lot. It makes me sick, actually feel quite angry typing this.

I'm going to give her my bank card & ask her to keep hold of it to pay for shopping, utility bills etc instead of me doing it.

How you doing mate? I'm in a similar position to you.. Although my partner knows about my gambling and it's slowly breaking us. I won 2k this week after bills and paying for car I should have well over 1200 I'm down to my last £200 and that's because my other half has it for me. Lost 300 last night. 250 this morning. I'm still tempted to gamble but I'm trying. I'm telling you now it does help sharing the problem with a partner but that's just me. Hope you sort it mate