Hi,
My story is similar to many other posts I have have looked at in here over the last few weeks since I decided to put myself into debt yet again for the umpteenth time.
From early teenage years I always liked putting a quid or two on football coupons and this was the only gambling I ever done until I was unemployed for 4 years whilst in my early 20s. During that time I started having a flutter on the horses too but it was nothing that ever gout out of control as I simply never had that much money to gamble with so always treated any win as a bonus.
As time went on I managed to get myself into work again and lived my life, doing what I always did (having a gamble on the football and a punt on horses now and again). This never got out of hand at all and there was never any reason to be concerned about anything getting out of hand.
My problems started in my early-mid 30s when I first went to a casino. I can't recall if I won or lost money on my first visit but I do recall enjoying the experience and it was different from the Saturday nights previous to that (going to pubs and...err that was it). For a while the casino became part of the weekend experience and a trip there could often work out well as it would pay for the evening out if all went well, but of course we all know that it's just not as easy as that. One Saturday night I lost 400 which was bad enough for a guy on the sort of wage I was on, but I couldn't leave it at that. I went back the next evening and promptly lost another 300. As luck would have it I also had Monday off as a holiday so went back to the casino yet again and lost another 300. This pretty much amounted to my entire monthly wage and meant I had to use the credit card to get me through to the end of the month.
That experience was awful at the time but some years on is now a drop in the ocean compared to the money I have lost since. The reason for it going to a new level is mainly down to online gambling. No need to even leave the house whilst playing roulette seemed like a great idea to me at the start but this is what has led to me putting myself into all sorts of bother financially. I stress again that I am very much a working class guy and my wage will always be an average one so imagine how I felt when I managed to be on such a winning streak that I almost had 40,000 in my bank account. I felt invincible for a few weeks (this was all the time it had taken to accumulate it). I kept looking at my account just to make sure I wasn't dreaming. I even took a picture on my phone (which I still have to this day) as I couldn't believe I had managed it. I recall thinking that I had beat them. I had after all this time beat the bookies and would be one of the very few who would have done so and walked away on top.
Every one of you will know that of course that wasn't the end of the story. I promptly played on thinking I would win even more and set myself up for life. I lost the lot within the space of a week. It still amazes me that I was so stupid. I consider myself to be a reasonably intelligent guy without being an intellectual, but I realise after reading so many posts that this has nothing to do with anything. If there is a pull within you then it matters not a jot what your background is or how intelligent or otherwise you are. You keep going back for more regardless of what your brain is telling you.
Anyway, that episode is my most spectacular but it's far from an isolated occasion. I have maxed out credit cards and had plenty of help from mother to pay off debts and plenty of support from my partner which I am eternally grateful for but I also feel incredibly guilty for dragging anyone else into what is my problem.
After the initial feeling of trepidation about how I will cope financially after big losses in the past I then think about the simple things in life that I am (or haven't) not enjoying because of my focus on gambling. I think about the people in my life and how much better my life would be if I didn't continue to put myself into these situations time after time.
Having recently took a loan out to pay off another maxed credit card I am back in that position of telling myself I can never go down 'that' road again and I keep trying to force myself to think about enjoying the good things in life whilst also trying to ensure that I replay in my mind how awful it feels when I have f*cked it all up. I'm sure many have tried the same tactic and promptly went and put themselves in the same position again, but I will continue to adopt this tactic of picturing life without these horrible episodes and how much more enjoyable it would be.
I realise that I have rambled on to a ridiculous point but I guess my message is that we are all in the same boat here and spend so many years of our lived letting this nonsense f**k us up when we could all be living far more simpler lives without the constant worry of paying off these unnecessary debts and continually thinking about our next bet.
There is no easy fix for any of us but keep fighting it no matter how many times you go back to square one. Cling onto that thought about making life easier and enjoying the simple things that it provides.
I wish you all every bit of luck in the battle and hope I have the will to conquer it myself.
Hi there. I kind of understand exactly how you feel. In July I somehow managed to win around 20,000 on betting exchanges from next to nothing. I can hardly remember how I did it but everything just went for me, if I had a loss I always found a way to make it back and carry on. At one point I had money all over, hardly knowing what to do with it. Must admit I felt great, I was going to keep going and as you say set myself up for life.
Of course I ended up losing the lot through pure greed. Every day I think why didn't I just stop at some point, 10K or even 5K, at least leave myself with something to show for it but no I had to lose the lot and now I have literally 20 cash and about a fiver in my bank account.
I haven't gambled for just over 2 weeks but every morning I wake up cursing myself for losing the 20K. It is haunting me as it was yet another opportunity thrown away.
Like you I consider myself reasonably intelligent but when it comes to gambling all logic and reason just go out of the window. In my experience winning just results in bigger stakes and bigger losses. Win or lose we can't beat the system.
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