I started gambling around two weeks ago. I was bored and lonely one night and wanted something fun to spice up my night. I turned to online gambling. It started with blackjack which I was having little-to-no luck with. So, I turned to roulette.
I couldn't believe my luck. At first I was starting with small deposits of £10 or so. As an 18 year old, I was chuffed when I could double my money to even just £20. But once you win once, in reality, there's no going back. That night I won and lost quite equally and ended with a £10 'profit'. Naturally I was excited to have won that money and so I went back a day or two later. That time I won £50. The time after that I won £100 and the time after that £300. I actually won higher amounts, but I am only counting the so called 'profit' margins.
If I was excited to win £10, you can imagine how excited I was to win £300. Now if I had been rational, I would have stopped there and then. That should have satisfied me. But no. I went back for more two nights ago, and, long story short, lost over £2000. This was all the result of chasing one loss after another. Even when I won those previous times I had to chase losses in order to do so, so I assumed with over £2000 of savings I would be able to get the money back. Wrong wrong wrong. As I watched my savings deplete I became more and more distressed which made me more and more determined to get the money back. At one point I had managed to rack up £1100, but that wasn't enough for me given the amount I needed to recover. So, I played on and consequently lost it all.
With a history of anxiety and depression, this was really quite devastating for me. I confided in my mum and brother who have both been really good to me, but I feel absolutely abysmal. £1000 of that money were savings from my grandparents which had collected up gradually since I was born. All the grandchildren got this money, and this is how I blew mine. I am filled with self-loathing right now and am struggling to find a way to move on.
I plan to earn the money back, but as a student with only a part time job, this is not going to be a quick process which makes this situation all the more hurtful. I keep hoping some kind of quick fix will appear in front of me to make things right again, but no, of course not. I haven't felt so awful since I experienced my first bout of depression. I have exams in June and can't afford to be bogged down by depression and anxiety which is why I need to seek some kind of solace and peace within myself. I just wish I knew what I could do to get rid of the dread, regret and disgust that I feel in my stomach all the time. I can't believe I reduced myself to this. I have nobody to blame but myself - but I wish I knew how to move on and feel better. That was such a huge amount of money for me and the fact I blew it in one night is just horrendous.
I can't see myself gambling again any time soon - hopefully not ever. Perhaps the biggest problem with online gambling is how you don't really perceive money as money. When you are playing, it's just a number which you want to make bigger and bigger. If that £2k had been in bundles of cash notes right in front of me, I probably never would have been so foolish. This is why I think online/electronic gambling is a plague.
At 18 years old I feel this is a huge, and obviously expensive, lesson to learn. But I wish I just knew how to feel better right now. I've let myself down and almost certainly reduced the trust my mum and brother have in me. I have lost £2000 which could have been used in so many different ways to enhance my future. I am meant to be starting university this year and that money would have been incredibly useful.
I want to work to get the money back, but this situation has left me feeling so impatient that I just don't know how to feel calm and level headed right now. I can't believe my stupidity and how I allowed myself to get caught up in something so foolish and dangerous. I never want to gamble again, but I really need to find a way to climb back up the ladder again because I can't go on feeling like this.
If anyone could offer me some advice I would be incredibly grateful.
Thank you for taking the time to read my story. I only hope I can find a way forwards because I don't want to let depression beat me. At a time like this with exams so close, I need to be on top of my game.
Hi I just read your post. I think you deserve a lengthy reply but it is late and I have been suffering from gambling addiction, so I need to sleep right now. For tonight just read my story and the great responses people have given me. Will respond tomorrow.
Hi there, very well-written story, very eloquent. You sound frighteningly mature for your age.
The best thing for you to do is to treat it as a (very expensive) lesson learned, as an investment even. If that experience puts you off gambling for life, then it'll potentially have saved you tens of thousands even hundreds of thousands over your lifetime. I estimate that I've blown at least £170000 on gambling in my lifetime, yet up until 6 days ago I was still doing it!
Go for a few walks in big parks or woods or by the coast have some good thinks it'll be very therapeutic. Don't worry about the money for now it's gone don't chase it. Be thankful you haven't got access to credit cards overdrafts etc otherwise you could've done a lot more damage, believe me.
Concentrate on studying intensely for your exams for now, then if you want some money in reserve for Uni try to find work over the summer months, get some money back that way.
If need be, you can pass on whatever you have left , or your earnings over the summer etc, to someone close to you to look after. Be thankful you still have people close, many gamblers end up driving them completely away!
You're at that age when you're in danger of falling into adult vices, thinking they're part of being an 'adult'. Yet ask most adults who've done gambling, drink, drugs, had a lot of s*x etc when they were happiest & they'll inevitably say when they were a kid - think about it.
Hi
I know exactly how your feeling right now! As Davey said unfortunately the money has gone but in the great scheme of things it could have been so much worse!! I am 26 and recently went bankrupt for nearly £40000 due to chasing money all the time. As hard as it is try to forget the £2000 and try to move on with life as there is so much more to life!! When at uni you will have the time of your life and the last thing you want is a gambling addiction on your back at all times!! Someone once said to me you should only gamble when the bookie is turning up to work on a push bike and the punters are rolling up in a rolls Royce! It's very hard but with help of people on here you CAN do it. All the best for your future and enjoy uni!!!
Thank you all for these posts. Really helpful.
I'm new to this forum but have just written down the immediate debt I have!! £20000 to friends+another£20000 to credit cards ect......
All built up from fobts use in the last two years. I thought I owed ten grand!!!
Three weeks since my last bet and beginning to feel more positive.
Will return soon.
@Spaingone - I read your story and would like to wish you well with your recovery. It's an uphill struggle, but one which can be beaten! And as you said, the responses you got were great so take positivity and motivation from them.
@Davey - Thank you for your extended response and apologies for the late response. It's been one hell of a week! I think you're right that the only way to move on from this is to look at the loss as some kind of investment. It still hurts horribly to think I blew that valuable money and I'll admit that twice in the past week I've come close to signing up to another gambling website to try and speed my recovery process up. I just keep telling myself when I start feeling uneasy that there is no winning in gambling because even when you win you lose in reality.
How have you coped with your losses? I hope you have managed to extend that 6 day streak without gambling.
The damage could be worse, I agree. I just wish I hadn't fallen victim to this disease that drags us all in. I would love to get away from everything for a while, but the time just isn't right and would require money. I'm now driving all the money I earn towards trying to recover my savings. I should be due just over £400 at the beginning of April which will be a good start. I just don't want to fall into any trap of feeling the urge to gamble it for more. Patience is a virtue as they say... and this recovery is something that makes me slightly impatient I have to admit. But I deeply want to keep away from any roulette or suchlike. I couldn't go through losing my money again, so maybe I just have to tell myself that's the feeling I'll get if I choose to gamble again.
I need to try and arrange some Summer work. But my hope is that I'll be able to regain around £1000 before the Summer. I am planning to pass my savings to my mum who will put them into premium bonds for the time being. Similarly I am going to have my student loan money sent to my mum so that my money is in safer hands.
It's so sad that things like gambling can drive family and friends away from people. I can't let any of that happen to me. I might only be a week on from my loss, but I must not let gambling get to me again.
Sadly I think you're onto something there. When you turn 18 you want to try out all these things you could never do before. I went to the casino on my 18th as it happens. I lost £30, but that seems nothing in the grand scheme of things now. When you're young, you really are innocent to the world. These vices destroy us.
@Halley - I am really sorry to hear about your money issues. Chasing money is one of the most stressful things someone can ever do. I was on the brink of a panic attack as I kept losing my money. How are you planning to recover from bankruptcy?
I agree I need to move on from the £2000. There's just this horrible feeling in the back of me that thinks about what I could have done with that money. I also feel guilty that my grandparents saved approx. £1000 for me since my birth only for me to go and blow it in a night on one of the most stupid and foolish things possible.
Gambling addiction is something I definitely want to avoid. As I mentioned above I have twice almost fallen back into it but I am determined to keep away and earn my money back properly. I don't think I could go through losing my money again. I also know that my family would not be forgiving of me doing it a second time, and I wouldn't blame them. They were very supporting this time and if I went back and gambled again I feel like I would have abused their support.
Thanks for your support.
@timchef5 - I am sorry to hear about your losses as well. Do you have any ideas on how to get your recovery underway? FOBTs are terrible. They're similar to things like online roulette which is what I got sucked into. The money just doesn't feel real and in effect you just think you're playing with numbers. Well done on 3 weeks without betting and the best of luck with your recovery!
Thank you all for your kind and thoughtful responses. This has been and will continue to be a rough ride, but I want to get through it. We can all beat gambling and get our lives back on track together. Gambing won the battle, but we will win the war.
I read your post, I wish i could go back to when i was 18 and write an amazing post like you did. I would of saved myself over a million pounds. You are on the right track already and you have already taught me that my post today is the right way forward. 2000 pounds was a very big loss for you and i hope it's the last loss for you. I am more than happy to help each other as i have 17 more years of how you're feeling locked in my stomach with some horrific stories and ill feelings of the loss and guilt and anger in me. If your serious about what you wrote as i am, then together with many others we will all find a methodical way to release those ill feelings and fill our stomachs with joy and feelings of accomplishment. Keep checking in and listen to others who have been through this scenario probably 100s times over. also write your emotions here perhaps it will keep away the temptation of trying to recover those losses.
Good Luck lee
Hi glad you're doing well. I'm still off on day 12 today, think about joining us on the 2014 challenge in the overcoming problem gambling section. Have 1st smoking cessation group tomorrow - another thing you should be very wary of. Just one thing - premium bonds - i tried that when i was off gambling for 3 months a few years ago & having counselling. I found myself checking the premium bond website every month to see if i'd won the jackpot or a big prize! It's a form of - you guessed it - gambling. OK you get your money back but you don't get any interest unless you win - that's what your gambling. The GA view is that even premium bonds should be avoided; imagine if you get a £50 prize notified by letter through the post, that could arouse gambling-win type feelings in you, & start you off again. Best avoided IMO, stick the money in a cash ISA if you want, the interest isn't great (but is actually higher than premium bonds as a %), the main thing is it isn''t gambling.
Giving up means total abstention. No lottery, raffle, sweepstake : zilch. There's no other way for a compulsive gambler IMO.
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