Made the first step today

Hello rach there is software called gamblock that you can put on your devices at home. These are very affective and make it a lot harder to gamble. You have made a great first step coming here I have done almost a month now and find this site very useful. You can also contact gamcare for a chat if your finding it hard there is also a chatroom that opens at 8pm. Have you thought about handing over your financial control to a loved one

Thanks James I used my iPhone in secret to gamble I've looked for block wear for it but not found one that does a phone 🙁 today I've handed my cards ect to my partner and cut up the credit cards he's obviously very dissapointed in me as I'm 43 I feel terrible worthless even I really am determined to stop I'll have a look at the chat room later hopefully it's for me have you been to any meetings?? Congrats on being a month clean of gamberling

I'm pretty sure it works on iphones to. I've never been to a meeting as I'm a bit shy that way I have just used a lot of self help videos and trawl the forum as I would rather speak with like minded people. Don't be embarrassed to tell people the more people no the more they will look out for the signs your slipping

I'm mortified to tell you the truth it's not like I have money on tap we find it hard most of the time so for me to gamble it away is very embarrassing for me my daughters ( over 18 ) know and my other half I might as well stood in the street and threw £800. In the air I really don't understand myself as to why I kept gamberling because on times that I won I never banked it I just carried on playing 🙁

Unfortunately as gambling addiction becomes stronger it's no longer about winning it's staying in the game for as long as you can then crash back down to earth with that thought why did I do it why do I never walk away unfortunately if we were good at it we wouldn't be here trying to make thing's right.

Hi Rach, The reason we don't bank and walk away is simple , We are compulsive gamblers , we cannot win because we cannot stop and the only time you do win is when you stop gambling .

It's no longer about the money , just the buzz you get from it . The first bet you have gives you a real high, or the first time you get a big win gives you a huge rush , the trouble is trying to get that feeling again becomes more and more expensive as the longer we gamble it's never quit as good as the first time .

Unfortunately for us there's no half measures , you can't just have a small bet or little flutter , if you want to control it you have to give up completely , put all the blocks in place and as you have said already , youv'e given control of the finances to you other half ,so thats a great start !.

There's a thing you'll hear on the forum called your Time, money, location triangle and if you remove one . you can't bet , It works !!.

I quit gambling nearly 3 months ago and couldn't be happier , I sleep much better and all the bills now get paid on time , it's amazing in such a short period that you can get your life back , you just have to want it back more than the next bet ?.

Take care Rach and take one day at a time , little steps and you'll be fine ..............Alan

Hi. Today I had admitted to my wife I am a gambler, I was also admitting it to myself when I heard myself say it. My wife has offered to clear my debt with our savings but she is so upset at what I have done. She said it isn't about the money it's the fact I have lied to her in the past regarding money when I know I gambled it. I started gambling a year and a half ago when my mother died. I'm 31 but my wife feels I took my mum's death to easily. I'm trying to find a reason or a number of reasons why I gamble. My mum passing must have something to do with it as that's when I started. I also borrowed money off my dad which my wife didn't know about. I had gambled my wages and needed help getting out of the whole without my wife knowing. Seeing her face the disappointment when I told her. I have to stop she said she would leave me and take the kids with her if I can't sort the gambling out.
It was really hard telling my wife today. It made me feel pathetic and sick.
Never thought I would have a problem like this you know.
Any advice?

Hi. Today I had admitted to my wife I am a gambler, I was also admitting it to myself when I heard myself say it. My wife has offered to clear my debt with our savings but she is so upset at what I have done. She said it isn't about the money it's the fact I have lied to her in the past regarding money when I know I gambled it. I started gambling a year and a half ago when my mother died. I'm 31 but my wife feels I took my mum's death to easily. I'm trying to find a reason or a number of reasons why I gamble. My mum passing must have something to do with it as that's when I started. I also borrowed money off my dad which my wife didn't know about. I had gambled my wages and needed help getting out of the whole without my wife knowing. Seeing her face the disappointment when I told her. I have to stop she said she would leave me and take the kids with her if I can't sort the gambling out.
It was really hard telling my wife today. It made me feel pathetic and sick.
Never thought I would have a problem like this you know.
Any advice?

Sorry Rach. I'm new on hear today didn't mean to add this to your thread. Just delete it. Good luck with everything.

Hi, CH,

Would you like to start your own thread, so that you can get advice and support aimed at you? Perhaps post in the Recovery Diaries section and update daily?

In the meantime, you and your wife should both get external help. GamCare offer the helpline and counselling but best would be GA for you and GamAnon for her, the meetings are regular and there's no time lag. She will need as much help as you.

I'm assuming that you actually want to stop gambling, so don't leave any loopholes. Block your devices, self exclude, downgrade your mobile to a non internet version. Show your wife what you're doing to address the problem.

Presumably you don't want her to use her own resources to pay off you gambling debts. Or to get credit in her name, or even to use family money. After all, it's your debt, you're responsible for it and you won't want her to lose out. The best advice, if she's willing, is for her to pay your debts off slowly from your salary. To help manage future temptation, hand over full and complete financial control to her, ask her to drip feed you minimal money to buy your petrol/lunch and the rest is for her to pay out, as per agreed budget. If you need debt advice, use StepChange, rather than a paid debt management company.

Hope this helps,

CW

Oh Rach it was like I was reading my own words. We will never be winners. The money we win (on rare occasions) is lent to us. Sooner rather than later we will give it back, and then some! xx

Hi everyone well I've done day 1 after a long chat with my partner and reading these threads thank you for all your comments they really do help I've realised I need to start living I've been numb for years i justified some how all my wrong doing gamberling justified lying the lot so my partner has told me to stop living in the past and move forward and that's what I'm going to do deal with my issues through council ing ie ( lived a battered 8 long years marriage ) ect but he's right that's all in the past but I made excuses to gamble well no more 1 day free might not be much to some but I would go on site in secret 5 or 6 times in 1 day and I didn't just need to let go of guilt and here's to day 2

CH1 I know exactly how you feel yesterday was my 1st day on here too and my partner after he calmed down looked at me with utter discussed ( understandably ) he said it's the lies it's like stealing and how i hid the truth I too felf physically sick to the pit of my stomac and realised I had a big problem gamberling somehow became my crutch, escapeizem filled the blank void when my dad died 3 years ago is when I spent more time and more money on sites but I'm not kidding myself or making no excuses anymore I now feel like I'm on a emotional roller coaster relieved that I'm out in the open gutted and sorry for letting dear people in my live down and ridden in guilt for lying ect this site has given me so much possitivity to move forward and show my loved ones I can be normal loving person that doesn't need gamberling in my life onwards and upwards no more secrecy or lies

Half thank you I have given my other half account numbers passwords all money matters the lot I'm not expecting him to trust me as I'm not sure I trust myself but I so appreciate him staying around that I know with in myself I can and will succeed in not wanting that nasty demons gamberling in my life anymore I never want him to look as me with such dissapointment discussed and shock again x