Focussed and not willing to give in.

Thanks guys, I appreciate your words of encouragement 👍 🙏 

Day 140 Gamble Free and I've got the holiday blues a little bit.  After two fantastic weeks away I'm back home feeling a little rubbish! Looking through pictures of all the amazing memories made but also with a nostalgic sadness it's over and down with.  I don't know if we will get back over there anytime soon it's just so bloody expensive. 

Been wondering about that night at the arcade with my step daughter and thinking about how I felt when I dropped the bonus win.  I certainly don't consider taking my daughter into an arcade as gambling but the way winning made me feel has made me realize it's something I need to be careful with in the future and limit doing to maybe just holidays or something. 

I'm back to work tomorrow it's been nice having 18 days with no hassle. My job is often 24/7 and I'm always dealing with something so having that break to completely cut away has been lovely.  Actually don't feel too bad about going back tomorrow so I must be ready! I didn't attend GA last night due to family commitments so haven't been for 3 weeks now.  I really must attend next week as it's on my mind that I haven't been in ages. 

The wife and I have an adult trip to Benidorm planned for August so right now my mind set it to focus on 'being good' for the next 54 days and then enjoy our treat over there for 5 days.  That will also then coincide with me almost hitting 200 days gamble free by then also. 

Been catching up on a number of other posters since I've been away and it's good to see overall lots are striving to beat this horrible addiction.  Let's do this together guys and keep a focus every single day. 

I'm Dazza, I'm a compulsive gambler and the date of my last bet is 21/01/2025. 

@dazza85 Lovely read Dazza. A good mini goal ahead to focus on too with a break away with your wife 👌.

Take care and have a lovely weekend.

Pink Lady 🩷🍎.

@dazza85 Dazzzaaaaaaa!!! You are doing so great. Please don’t beat yourself up too much about the arcade but you’re right to be weary.

i remember taking my youngest to a tenpin bowling in Jan of this year and she was playing a ticket version slot style machine. If you got 3 of these ladies with bows and arrows you got the jackpot (I think 500 or 1000 tickets). This game had features, nudges, just like a FOBT. Anyway, I got more into it than she did and she wanted to play some skiball but I (the grown up adult) was having too much fun and ‘knew’ the jackpot would drop soon 🙄…. It actually did, the machine was spitting out tickets for ages and everyone was crowding round. My daughter’s eyes wide with excitement and I had enough of a dopamine hit to go home that evening and lose a load of real money (funny that! No jackpot for me on real money slots).

I truly hope I didn’t put the gambling bug in my youngest, like my Grandpa did with me in the pubs on the one armed bandits. Anyway, you didn’t rush home and gamble so well done you. Keep up the good fight my friend.

Em x

Totally understand Em that's exactly how I felt everyone crowded round and clapped and in the moment it felt good. That's always the worry feeling wanting to get that back.  Don't worry about your young one having the bug, just bring them up the very best you can with love and support and they will grow up absolutely amazing i am sure. 

Today is day 145 gamble free and I've worked 5 in a row since returning from annual leave.  I am absolutely shattered right now can feel my eyes going.  Looking forward to GA this week as I've missed three full weeks ! Had another weird dream last night that I had spent some money gaming and then regretted it and knew I couldn't hide from it as my finances are always checked now.  It was a dream and no truth in it at all but I woke up so shaken and stirred by it.  This is something that keeps reoccurring with me at the moment, dreams of me blowing my brains out spending and gambling loving the moment and then waking up to the feeling of pure dread until I properly come around. 

Not sure why, in day time I've no desire to gamble anymore I see how much gambling has set me back over so many years. 

Today is day 147 gamble free. A little frustrated this evening. I've looked forward to attending GA as I've missed three weeks with my holiday. On attending I spoke up tonight about the moment during the arcade with my daughter where I felt that buzz when we won't the tickets and how I had realised it probably wasn't a good feeling to get for me as a gambler and to watch out for that in the future. It shocked me that some of the feedback from the room was instantly negative and they said I had bet and that was a slip.  I absolutely stand by the situation was not a bet.  It was me and my daughter having some 121 time away on holiday in an arcade with prepaid money that my wife had arranged, totally different and seperate from the days where I would sit in secret spinning roulette on the toilet dropping £1000s at a spin. It really upset me they jumped to that conclusion so easily actually.  Just got home now and had some texts from other members who didn't speak up but who have said on their opinion it was no way a slip and that they hope I am okay. 

One to just go to sleep on I think. 

Hey Dazza  I had the exact same thi.g on holiday with my kids. We were there for 5 days and I sat out from the arcade on 4 of them. Then on day 5 I thought why am I doing this, my kids are in there having a great time and im choosing to be sat on the outside of those memories. I went in, spent £3 (the kids spent more) but had a lovely time and I absolutely did not view it as gambling. I spoke with my counsellor when I got back and she said that although classed as gambling cause you're spending money with the hope of winning something (tickets) that I rightly should not be viewing it as a relaspe and she didn't either. It was a conscious choice made by me to go and make memories with my children and enjoy playing some games at the cost of £3.

Youre doing a great job on your recovery and should be proud of how far you've come. 

Clover 🙂

It's an interesting one. I've questioned a few scenarios like that before. For instance, I still play the lottery. 1 ticket a week, but only if its a big jackpot. Is this gambling? Well yes, but it was never my gambling vice. I know I can never play slots again, even if it was for tickets as in your case, but we each have our own decisions to make and you clearly handled this well. I would never feel comfortable dismissing someone's claim to be gamble free after enjoying a day with your family. A couple of quid to enjoy family time versus 500 quid on a session by yourself chasing a dopamine buzz is no contest. Just like I'm claiming to be 448 days g/f knowing I play the lottery. Maybe my diary should state fruit machine free rather than gamble free!

Anyway, keep up the great work mate. Gamble free and rocking it, no matter what the GA crowd say!!

Stay strong 👍 

Thanks both, I needed to hear this and I appreciate your posts. It got me down on Tuesday as I wasn't expecting them to drop it on me "you had a slip".  I totally stood by my decision that I didn't, my wife says it isn't and I say it isn't so I'm happy. I probably will restrict my time in arcades in the future but I'm not stopping them entirely, it's me and daughter time that I love and she loves and definitely not anything like what I was doing before.  The funny thing is that one of the guys in GA that night had talked about doing "dream team" all year and apparently that was deemed as okay. 

Today marks 150 days gone free so having an ice cold pepsi max to mark the occasion ha ha rock and roll eh 😭 😂😂 

Congratulations on 150 days g.f Dazza 👏👏👏. Hope you enjoyed your Pepsi max!

keep up the good work.

Pink Lady 🩷🍎.

Day 158 gamble free.  The gamble free days move along nicely but not without a struggle sometimes.  This week alone I've had two seperate friends reach out to me and ask me if I wanted to gamble.  One literally said " you can put some bets on through my account " whilst the other invited me on a night out Saturday evening to the casino.  Both knowing I am a compulsive gambler.  I have enough blocks in place to ensure I wouldn't get through the front door but I find it super frustrating.  Tonight I'm wondering if I had of gone would it have been a decent night, would I have got tipsy and had a laugh, would I be playing on my favourite tables. Really annoying people put you in that position in life. Works been rough this week. Extremely busy extremely tiring and I've done a lot of hours so feeling a little spent.  It's 9pm and I'm in bed.  Still getting regular dreams of spending heavy in gambling. I wake up with the sweats because my brain thinks I've blown £1000s. All very strange. I'm in work tomorrow so another long day for me.  

No actual intention to gamble at all, just feeling a little low and frustrated with other people and with my subconsciousness.  Maybe it's the dream world showing me the reality If I was to ever go again. 

Day 160 gamble free.  Not doing so bad.  Works busy, life is busy.  Getting through each day pretty swiftly making small goals.  I do feel like I'm missing my gaming at the moment.  Today I loaded my PS5 and after 15 minutes turned it off because it wasn't the same. I do miss the immersive worlds of playing and growing my character and building my strength to be recognised by other players.  Sounds sad as f**k when I write that but I still feel I have something I enjoyed missing. Such a shame I can't play and not spend but I absolutely can't do it.  The second I went back into the game It would be open season, so it's a no. 

I think it's just boredom in the middle part of my days.  I'm 40 this year and we cancelled my party because of the gambling situations. We had simply red tickets which we cancelled because of the simply red situations.  I'm feeling a little sorry for myself truth be told.  After such an amazing two weeks family holiday I'm left feeling a little lack luster. 

I will be alright.  Onto the next day! Small focus point is to get to my birthday end of July.  

168 Days gamble free and have a recurring urge to get back into gaming. I feel like I'm missing it from somewhere deep inside me.   I am finding myself arguing with my inner subconsciousness with how I can play my games and just not spend at all.  The reality is very different, been there done it before, I start off being good but then I end up spending bigger and bigger.  I know this, but it doesn't stop me thinking about how much fun I had playing and how much im missing it. 

.I'm staying strong and staying away, not getting any urges for sports bets or anything like that but for me gaming bets was always more severe for me on the end. 

Back to work tomorrow after a couple of days off maybe it will reset my mindset. Gamble free ongoing at least. 

Today marks 181 days gamble-free — 6 whole months!

Back on the 21st of January 2025, when I placed my last bet, I genuinely never thought I’d reach this point. It's been a huge journey, full of challenges and lessons, but also full of growth that I didn’t think was possible for me.

I know for a fact that I wouldn’t be here without the constant support of my family and the strength I’ve found through attending regular GA meetings. Both have played a massive part in helping me rebuild not just my life, but my self-belief.

For anyone struggling right now: please know that change is possible. One day at a time truly does work. If you’re feeling stuck, lean on your support system, whether that’s family, GA, or forums like this one. You don’t have to fight this alone.

Here’s to the next day, and then the next.

Thanks to everyone who’s been part of my journey so far.

Day 203 gamble free, ah time doesn't half fly ! Sorry it's been a while since my last post. Very busy with work, very busy with life in general. Had a few holidays etc and now almost back to normality.  On the positive side no gambling whatsoever and no desire too. I've stayed away from all forms of gambling and kept a focus on making sure I keep the mindset strong that I am indeed a compulsive gambler. I have had urges to play the online world of gaming but I know I just can't or I will spend spend spend on the games.  I did get a switch for my birthday so I've enjoyed playing lots of nostalgic games on there without needing to worry about spending ingame purchases.

As I move on I am focusing on pushing for the 12 months mark, which won't be until the end of January.  I watch my dad growing older and occasionally feel sad that I can no longer do the old casino night treat just me and him.  It isn't the same going to the pub etc so I do miss this. 

Family wise things are good with my wife and step daughter. Had some lovely holidays together just need to get back to work now and focus on working through the upcoming winter months ! 

Hope that you are all doing okay ?! 

Day 210 gamble free and progressing along okay. Enjoying building a new portfolio of Nintendo switch games with no online purchases etc to enjoy. Loving jumping into the old school games lots of memories from being a child.  No gambling thoughts, works tough right now so just getting on with life! Hope your all okay.