My Biggest mistake

What a mess Pablo 

But one that most of us on the site is in and feeling, gambling is such an evil addiction and can cost you so much good in your life. My heart breaks for you I can clearly see how much you love your wife to walk away trying to save her from the pain.I think the first thing you need to do is get yourself right and believe it you can do it you just need some help reach out to the camecare staff they know where you can start. See your gp, that doesn't mean your weak as it takes a strong man to admit you need help. I'm talking through experience Pablo after loosing a lot off money I did something really stupid thinking I had no one and nothing left. I was wrong I could just see the world through tinted glasses as like you I needed and need the help. I can't do it by myself no more I need to stay away from gambling as the harm its done is unbelievable but I just kept going and going pushing everyone away. You've done the right thing coming on this site start your life anew from today get out off that cycle and reach for the help, the only way is up my friend 

Hi Pablo, 

I am really sorry to hear what you are going through. Can I please ask that you come here more often and read other peoples posts, their stories and what they've been doing to help them overcome this addiction. I am fairly new here myself but what I read here helps me a lot mentally. Be honest with yourself, if you've tried several times to sort yourself out by yourself and you can't, reach out, seek help, speak to people that understand what you are going through. As Kevthekev40 said, the starting point is to get yourself back. The reality of life is that we have no power over the past, the damage has been done, the money has been lost, the quality time with family squandered, however, we do have the power to shape our future with the choices we make. See this as an opportunity to pick yourself up, don't kick yourself too much on the mistakes made. The addiction is progressive and will only get worse, isolating yourself also doesn't help. I am still in the thick of it myself, I am 36 with two kids and struggling with gambling for the 8years so I know what you are going through. Stay strong

Hi pablo87 your post oozes pain and the shame that you feel. You are in very good company here all our stories are different but there are common threads in most pain and shame self loathing and depression all go hand in hand with the addiction of compulsive gambling. You have made a massive step posting on here and there is lots of help available. Never give up hope with hard work in improving your mental health you can slowly start to find your way out. I gambled for 20years for the most part fairly controlled but about 4years ago it started to escalate 2-3 years ago became real compulsive gambling and last yearish the addictive destructive gambling that ruins your life and others around you. I'm now 28 days gamble free I installed gamstop to block my access to gambling websites, my husband has taken full control of finances I have no access to bank accounts cards etc and I am taking full advantage of everything this site has to offer. Monday is my fourth telephone counselling session and I'm hoping soon there will be face to face meetings as I want to go to GA. I am starting to feel mentally stronger Pablo and I know that you will get other posts echoing some of the things I've said. We are not great advocates of willpower alone especially at the beginning we need  blocks etc to give our minds space to start healing I don't think I will ever be able to remove the blocks why would I put temptation in my way. Pablo you are not insane you are in the throes of a powerful addiction, don't give it any more power make this your day one but please accept the help you need it it's not weakness it shows strength to admit you have a problem and accept help. I wish you all the best ,keep posting this site the advice I get and the friendship is invaluable to me

Well said frogman 

And it's good to see your giving out advice trying to help others. I find if I can help atleast one person then I've done something good as you know yourself this is a horrible addiction that can do so much harm in such a short period of time. How are you getting by anyway frogman? I hope your doing well 

Thank you all for your replies, I’ve tried getting help over the years and always stopped taking it as I have believed I didn’t need helping anymore.

i know that i will always need help to keep my feet firmly on the ground, I’m an addict and I always will be, whether I go a year without a bet or a day, the possibility of me gambling I always there.

i think that’s why I’m struggling a bit mentally, I know I can never truly believe I’ll never bet again and without believing that I don’t think i could ever be confident I wouldn’t cause my wife any pain, which ultimately is the reason I left.

its destroying me knowing I’m probably never going to make her happy again and I’m not going to feel that happiness that brings to me.

i can’t dwell and get down about it as that won’t help anything, I need something to focus on, to stimulate my mind and keep me busy. The lockdown certainly isn’t helping me the same as it’s not helping others, I’m literally going to work and sitting in a bedroom at my parents house, which is boring me to tears.

i think I need to buy myself a dog, something to focus on, over the years I have found that walking the dog I had with my wife has been my one true escape and helped me overcome my urges, I went from being lazy and gambling at every opportunity to walking mountains and spending every Saturday walking 6-8 hours through beautiful countryside with a dog that was daft as a brush always making me smile.

i need to try get back to that healthy mindset.

Hopefully no more feeling sorry for myself, if I can stay positive, every day that passes will be a day closer to me becoming happy again.

thank you for all your responses, I appreciate your help.

Hi Kevthekev40, 

I am very well, thanks. I haven't gambled since I posted (Thanks to there not being money because I don't trust myself one bit yet). I had my first telephone session yesterday and it went really well. The lady I spoke to was very understanding and I'll be having a physical one soon. I have also been soul-searching, identifying those triggers for me. One thing I thought about overnight is the  ''first bet'', I think it's the killer, if one can stay away from it, then bet 2,3,4 etc doesn't happen.

Yes I found a decent win to be a trigger as well starts you off on a spiral of ... I could win again..... I could win bigger. If you want to know what a decent win did to me read post on my diary from I think 2days ago. It helped writing it down it helped putting it out there , owning it , was a very very bleak 3days. It's gone and I'm going to do everything I can not to repeat that !! EVER

Hi @pablo87 ,

Thank you for sharing your story on the Forum. I am so sorry to hear you have been through such a tough time.

It is also great to see some support for you from some of the other Forum users. They are, or have been in a similar situation to you. Most people who post on here are trying to achieve the same goal, to stop gambling and rid their lives of this addiction, so whether they have been gambling for six month or 30 years, there is a common thread here and hopefully you can take comfort knowing you're not alone.

Don't worry about asking for help or reaching out for some support. Gamcare advisers are available for 24 hours a day, every day of the year and we are more than happy to listen to you, advise you and support you in any way we can. You can call us on 0808 802 0133 or come through on Netline. You're not alone.

I wish you all the very best.

Keely.

Forum Admin

Hi Pablo I'm a great believer in the joy that animals bring especially dogs. That sounds like a very positive step to take. I know how hard all this must be for you and I agree lockdown has been hard for everyone but super hard for anyone with an addiction. I have a friend who is still an active alcoholic lockdown has been brutal for her. But this week she has been accepted on an inpatient detox programme as even during lockdown she has managed to show moderation cut down of number of units and that has improved her liver function. Will she always be an addict ..... Yes. Will we always be addicts..... Yes. Massive difference between active addicts and those in recovery or taking first baby steps in recovery. Give it a whirl Pablo you've got nothing to lose now ( sorry for the pun). Post and I promise to always to look out for you and reply

Hi Charlieboy,

Please where can I find your post of two days ago that you mentioned?

Look for recovery diaries. Mine is titled "new me started June 5th2020 " it's on page 2 of the recent posts

Hiya all 

Just when you said about walking the dog it made me sad as I lost my dog 3 months ago she was such a loving dog who had a bad start in life, we got her from the dog pound when she was about 8 month old.  She was a funny dog as she was a cross between a staffy and a collie so think of a staffy with long hair and ear's. Poor thing when we got her she was bald. Wasn't looked after. We had her 12yrs meisha was her name God do I miss her

Thanks Charlieboy, I have just read it, yes, a win gives you that false impression and you start doing some mathematics in your head but the truth is that you are never winning. 

Hiya all 

When you win big after loosing a lot and chasing it I think that's the worst as when your down big the next time the stakes go up but that win doesn't come and you've lost more than ever before , well that's the way I see it. Anyone else feel the same?