Just to preface, 45-year old male and I had never gambled before in my life before last year. About 6 months ago, and I don't remember why but looking at my bank statement it appears I placed my first bet in Mid September on l*******s, I started playing online blackjack, almost certainly prompted by seeing a TV or social media ad that evening.
Of course, the worst thing that can happen happened: I won. From then on there was a gradual increase in my bets and the frequency of play. With 10k in savings, no debt and between homes at my Mum's house so no real rent to pay, but no job I wasn't betting large amounts but enough to start depleting my funds.
Blackjack remained my main game to bet on, but I also started getting into sports betting. Most of it sports I wasn't previously interested in like horse racing.
A couple of months in I had lost about £4k. I was horrified by this. The main site I was using had a limit and I was able to deposit one last £50 so I thought why not. Incredibly, I went on an insane winning streak and ended up winning it all back. I felt relieved and didn't gamble again....for two days. Then I decided to have a quick go on blackjack again and chased a tiny loss until I had lost about 5k.
Around this time I got a new full time job, so felt I had enough funds to continue gambling. It seemed like my evenings and weekends were now almost entirely dominated by either playing online blackjack, or putting bets on numerous sports events. Occasionally I'd get a crazy win like the xxx NFL accumulator which netted me xxx. But it was never enough.
I thought I had hit rock bottom when I saw that my bank balance (despite having had a couple of months paychecks and not paying much in rent) was down to 5k. But it was going to get much worse.
The bets were getting bigger, the losses were being chased even more frantically, a few weeks ago I lost 3k in one night and saw that my balance was overdrawn.
I was now using my credit card to transfer money to my bank account to use as funds, as well as two payday loans.
As of right now I've gambled away about 15k of savings/paychecks in the past 6 months, owe 2700 to my credit card and 1300 to payday. So about 20k lost to gambling.
I am now on gamstop because blocking these sites is the only thing that will stop me losing more. I'll have to stay at my Mum's while I pay off the debt as I can't afford to start renting my own place yet. I can have the debt paid in a couple of months (faster if I sell some things) but will be at 0 savings. It's a horrible realisation but this is what this addiction does. It bleeds you dry financially and worse than that it's 6 months of my life filled with anxiety and pre-occupation that I'll never get back. But to dwell on it would drive anyone insane so I'm looking to the future, starting from zero and hopeful I'll never gamble again.
Well done for reaching out i wish i could have got help sooner with £150k plus losses over 18 years wasted i am now 584 days without a bet so much time been wasted which i will never get back, it s tricky addiction as i have tried to quit since 2011 along with many relapses on the way the only thing helping is using the online chatrooms as i still get these urgues its a life long battle i wish you well in your recovery things can and will improveÂ
It's a horrible disease and very hard to understand, I know what you mean when you say the win was never enough. Many times I won big and any non addicted person would have walked, but I now know it was never about the money it was about escaping my feelings for me. I hope you do well in your journey and put as many blocks in place as you can. I have many I rang the bank and asked them to decrease my daily withdrawal limit from 250 to 10 pounds, I went around the bookies with a self exclusion form and photo, did the moses thing and even asked shop keepers to ban me from buying scratch cards. I have gamban on my phone blocked myself from all gambling websites. Blocked my banking app on my phone because I was transferring money to a friend who would than give me the cash. As a gambler I always did find a way to gamble though but the losses were minimal compared to if I had the other avenues. I am now trying to go cold turkey as I have done enough damage to myself I've hit rock bottom. I need a new outlook on life and I am sick of the way I have ended up and I am living with the consequences of my actions. Try downloading recover me app on your phone, you can input yoir gamble free days, days you relapse it has CBT on there and tools to help you stay away from gambling. Anyway good luck and keep us all updated on your progress.
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