My gambling story - no longer in denial

 

First time posting here and not something I've shared widely ever before, either in this forum or elsewhere. Apols if this is a longer post than the norm!

I've now been gamble free for 7 days, which is the first time in 10-11 years whereby I have gone over a period of 48 hours without placing a bet. There's only been a handful of times in the last decade where I have lasted over 24 hours without a bet. I feel a lot better for it! 

 

 

My name's James - 28yo from England. I have what you'd regard a 'normal' very supportive family, have always had a fantastic close knit friendship group, and in more recent years a partner who could only be described as perfect for me. I really should not have had a difficult life up until this point in time. Addictions (which I'll touch upon in further detail), especially gambling, has meant that this has been far from the reality.

 

Warning signs that I had an addiction to gambling were starting to show when I was 14 years of age. I attended a charity race night with the football team I played for at the time and the team was allowed to bet on pre determined horse racing results. This sticks in my mind as the biggest 'thrill' I had endured at this point in my early life. I won the first 3 races and then of course proceeded to lose all of my 'tokens' on the very last race - something I'd learn to get used to all too well. I was also hooked to arcades and my eyes lit up whenever I was taken to places like this by my family on the occasional outing (10p slots etc)

 

By the age of 16 things had moved on... I had secured my first job in an apprenticeship role earning small money - but significant enough at the time. It was at this point I had stolen my Mum's identification (passport/driving license) in order to set up a betting account in her name as I was underage. I would then use all of my wages to bet and subsequently lose all of my earnings - it wasn't so much of an issue at this point as I didn't need any money to pay bills etc. I was also borrowing identification off of 18yo friends in order to bet at the local bookmakers. This again wasn't enough at the time, I wanted to be able to bet whenever I possibly could so set an online gambling account up in my own name, forging passport details to make it look as though I was 18. I lost every penny available.

 

Once I had hit 20 years old I had moved into my own flat, things really started to take a hold. I was staking on average £50,000-£70,000 per annum and building significant debt, this has been the case for the past 8 years now. I'm sure I don't need to delve into any further detail but a win would encourage me to bet even more, making me feel somewhat invincible and a shrewd gambler. A loss would trigger me to chase my losses.

 

I would frequently rely on friends / family to bail me out, insisting this would be my last time betting - of course I knew deep down it wouldn't be and I just needed my next source of money to gamble. I would go on to take out loans on a monthly basis and be riddled in a financial mess. I was somehow still managing to keep up with my life at this point, going out with friends, holding down a relatively decent full time job, and meeting my now partner. I would continue to keep it under wraps to a certain extent, although not living life to anywhere near the full extent to which I knew I could do.  

 

During this period I started to smoke marijuana, this started as a social 'hobby', something I enjoyed but slowly turned into another addiction. One which fed on my gambling addiction as a source of blocking out the pain and a way to simply forget. Appreciate this is the wrong forum for this, so will only briefly touch upon this and not bore you with the detail:

 

Not only had I become addicted to marijuana, I had become dependant on it. I would smoke a joint at 7:30am in the morning, EVERY morning, this was before work to function and I have not been in physical contact with anyone inside or outside of work without being high in the last 6 years. This includes putting other people at risk and lying on a daily and even hourly basis to the closest people in my life. I would go on to smoke copious amounts at any opportunity or window I had free - much like my betting routine. My addictive personality had shone through again.  

 

I had become the master of disguise in both forms of addiction, carrying on with life without any clear signs of addiction being revealed to anybody.  Everyone knew I liked a bet, and knew I liked to smoke. Nobody knew the harsh reality. My personality has slowly changed, becoming more isolated, notably less fun to be around, less available to make plans - through both monetary and other reasons. I would rather bet all day alone than do anything else in the world. This has affected my relationship with my partner as I come up with excuse after excuse as to why I can't do certain things, that deep down I would like to (holidays etc the norm)

 

2 weeks ago I had hit rock bottom in the way that I had felt about both addictions, in particular gambling as this is the definite root cause of my problems, and the reason for my second addiction. I have pretty much run out of avenues to access any money without coming clean, the game feels up. 

 

I went through and am still going through severe withdrawal symptoms to my substance abuse (which is getting slightly easier by the day) and have not placed a bet, or smoked a joint in 7 days now - something I never imagined would be possible 2 weeks ago. I am taking it one step at a time, and am soon to open up to family/friends about my addictions in order to gain some support through this.

 

I am lucky that I know I have people to lean on, but am also very wary that relationships and trust could be broken by opening up to the true state of my current affairs. Any advice would be really appreciated and thanks for reading.