Hello,
I am new to the Gamcare website. I found out 6 months ago my husband had been gambling, we started receiving letters in the mail regarding missed loan payments for a loan I didn’t know anything about. He originally played it down and made what I thought was a phonecall infront of me that identified a fraudulent loan, end of story I thought! More letters came and I still had t found out about the gambling, I phoned myself and made a fool of myself saying we had spoken with someone and told it was a fraudulent loan, by the end of the call she mentioned a bank account that I hadn’t heard of. I came off the phone asked for my husbands phone and searched for a monzo app and when I opened it my world fell apart he had been sending money from the joint account under different names so it didn’t look obvious to me such as work friends gift donation, etc etc. I am now 6 months on and struggling with the trust side of things, we have been in a very lucky position because we inherited enough to clear it all off but I feel like I’m reeling he did this for 4 years and I never knew! I have young children with him so I can’t just take a time out to deal with the things. We have done the gamcare ban so he can’t access online and I am now checking the bank and credit files but it feels like that’s my life now accepting I can’t trust someone I’m married to. How have other partners navigated through this? Thanks
Hello Mumof5
I am sorry to hear that you're having to deal with this and your husband has not been honest with you about his gambling.
First of all, you haven't made a fool out of yourself at all when you had to call the bank about the loan, as you simply have not been told. It should not have been your responsibility to deal with it.
Now, I can tell you that it's a very difficult life living with gambling addiction as I have had it for 20 years on and off. It makes life unstable and unpredictable for everyone in the family. I have equally done some horrible things myself such as taking a credit card out in my wife's name and using it for gambling. But I did tell my wife immediately afterwards, not that it was a very noble thing to do, I just felt horrible doing such things to gamble. I will never forget the sadness in her eyes. Since then, I have always been open about it with her although it's been very difficult. Your husband needs to do the same, complete honesty from now on, if he wants to earn your trust again, no ifs, no buts.
Also, without being judgemental of your husband, he's had a bit of an easy way out by getting his loan covered by the inheritance money. He must not take this as a free pass to continue. He should appreciate this fortune of faith and realise that he won't get these breaks all the time in life, no matter what you have, as gambling addiction won't mind taking it all. And, whatever money he wastes on gambling, it is being taken out of your children's future. Sometimes, gamblers like us need to be told of the facts to our faces.
Finally, I sincerely hope that he takes every measure to stop gambling for his and his family's sake, and becomes honest and open about his gambling addiction with you from now on.
Take care of yourself and make sure you protect yourself and your children financially because the road ahead may not be very straightforward.
Ergos
Hello, I have also just joined gamcare and been told to look at the forums. Like you I have only just found out about my husbands addiction. Just a week in. I too felt a fool when I found loans of a high amount. Money that I thought we were saving for our own house didn't exist. All lies. But I am trying to navigate to this new way of life and be supportive but the trust has fully gone on my side.
I total understand where your husband is coming from I did the same from my husband
I just could cry 😢
I love him and my family just the slots was my number 1 I joined Gam care and also all the sites to block me playing
Hi there
I feel your pain. My husband hid it so well. I initially felt sorry for him with his “debts” and stupidly paid them off. This was the start of it. He’s consistently got into debt and now has an IVA and been bankcrupt before too. I had even more stupidly halved our house money into two accounts one in each name. That’s called blind faith but I now see it was blind ignorance. He of course spent the lot behind my back lied to me and now we are skint. And so it goes on. Our marriage hangs by a thread. The trust has gone. He is an angry volatile man. I am feeling vulnerable and afraid as we have two young kids.
Hi there
I feel your pain. My husband hid it so well. I initially felt sorry for him with his “debts” and stupidly paid them off. This was the start of it. He’s consistently got into debt and now has an IVA and been bankcrupt before too. I had even more stupidly halved our house money into two accounts one in each name. That’s called blind faith but I now see it was blind ignorance. He of course spent the lot behind my back lied to me and now we are skint. And so it goes on. Our marriage hangs by a thread. The trust has gone. He is an angry volatile man. I am feeling vulnerable and afraid as we have two young kids.
Hello sunshine,
Welcome to the forum, and well done for sharing some of your story.
You mentioned that your husband is volatile and that you feel vulnerable. If you are experiencing any domestic abuse, please consider also looking at services like
The National Domestic Abuse 24-hour freephone helpline
0808 2000 247
https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/
There are equivalent services in other nations.
If you are based in Britain, please call us at any time on our freephone 0808 8020 133, so that we can offer you more support.
Take care,
Adam.
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