My husbent just lost everything

Can't answer that Zhaklina. Only you can given all the information in front of you.

What I will offer from the gamblers perspective is have you given everything a fair shot? Does he want to stop gambling? Has he had counselling? Does he attend GA meetings?

If you read the family and friends section on the forum that may help some

Although I have just joined seeking help myself, the percentage of gamblers who give up compared to those who secretly continue or openly do not give up is very small. To save yourself and your daughter, run for your life. Do not look back and do not feel guilty, be happy and find a non gambler, there are plenty out there.

Thank you triangle. Yes, I know in the end its me that it will take the decision. But no, he doesent accept help, as every time is is so sure that "he will never play again" but in a short time it happens worst. And he accept its a mistake, but he don`t accept the fact that he is addicted. So I am scared he will never accept help exept his family. He is to proud.

Jack thank you. I am scared I have to agree with you. But when its still feelings and a daughter, sometimes its harder. but sometimes I think, yes at list I have to save my daughter, but the guilt is there thinking: If I would try more, could I ever helped him?

It doesn't matter how hard you try, unless he is willing to help himself, there is nothing you can do...I know I've tried! My mother is a compulsive gambler & although she has nothing to show for a lifetime of work she still won't accept that she is addicted! She has no problem taking money from family to dig herself out of any financial holes she may have gotten into but that's where it ends!

If he is willing to hand over control of his finances & by that, I mean everything so that you treat him like a child then it's worth a shot but you have to protect yourself & your little girl first & foremost!

Again, hopefully one of the friends/family guru's will be across shortly to give you some real perspective! Maybe give Gamcare a ring & get some professional advice!

I wish you the very best in whatever you decide & remember, none of this is your fault!

Be strong - ODAAT

Hi Zhaklina,

If I read you right you seem to have made your mind up already about getting a divorce. I can't sway you one way or the other but you do seem to have reached the end of your tether. It does seem to me that you have to protect both yourself and your child. You may wish to take professional advice about your situation. Make sure that you keep the roof over your head (and your child's). Remember it's his behaviour that's at fault and not yours. Your husband has to be determined to give up gambling and if he lacks the willpower and will not seek help, you and your child will be dragged into the gutter with him. Think very carefully and discuss your situation with trusted family members. You must also make sure that any money you have coming in is kept right away from your husband and for your use only. Your husband is an adult and has chosen to take the path he has done. You have to believe that you are in no way responsible for his choices in life. You have choices as well and if he is beyond help then you know ultimately that choosing a peaceful lifestyle for you and your child maybe the way forward. I know I've repeated some of what others have stated and we all mean well. I'm nearly six months free of gambling and it has taken a lot of determination on my part. I mention this because if your husband can see sense, there may be a chance for your marriage yet. Only your gut feeling will tell you that. It is adifficult one.

Best Wishes.

..........

Thank you MrStop, yes I took the decision, but the guilt is killing me, asking my self if I am doing the right thing. In 2 years he has played in a dramatic amounts for our family and we still have a lot of debts, and again he did that like 6 days before. The first year he didn`t play at all, or maybe he did hide me good everything, but the second one, he destroyed everything we have. And for sure, I will never be with him again, even if I suffer to death, I have to do that to protect the future of my little girl.

Joydivider. Thnx, I just hope for him and my little girl, he can quit gambeling, so my girl will have a decent father, or maybe a father to be proud. If there is any help I can give from distance, I will, but I dont think he will accept that.

Hi Klaudia

Only you know when enough is enough. The decision will always be yours.

Gamblers who have admitted to their problem and are genuinely committed to their recovery are worth supporting. Your husband does not fall into this category.

You have absolutely no reason to feel guilty. Your number one priority is the future of yourself and your child. At the moment, you are the only adult in the household. Your husband is not willing to face the reality yet.

I would suggest that if you need any reassurance of your decision that you read the threads on the family & friends section of this forum. You will find out just how far a gambler will go to finance his/her addiction. The devestation they can cause to families is enormous. When we are gambling we care very little about anyone/anything else.

Take care

Hi everybody, he want to get back in my life...

He think he is changing. He has changed his behavor, the way of thinking, talking with me and the little girl... and asking for a finall chance, if not he will go away, forever from our lives. Now I am scared. What to do: Give him a chance lose another 3 years until he will play again (cause I think he will hide me a lot) after even if he plays in sporadicus way.

Or say NO i dont want to be back again and think: why I didn`t give him a chance.

Also I want to underline. He doesent accept any proffesional help. He is just sure in its self. What to do? I am scared to belive him again. I am scared to live with a man who "need a microchip" so I can belive him.

It will help me a lot if you can write me something today

If he is serious about wanting to change and accepts he has a problem then u have a chance. Refusing professional help is not a good start and I fear he is saying what he thinks u want to hear without meaning it. I'm a recovering cg and it took me many years to admit I had a problem. Then many more to actually stop. Admitting the problem is huge but it far.from ends there. He has to take every form of help going. He has to self exclude from every establishment and more importantly he has to recognise that he can't be trusted and hand over control of all his finances and be treat like a child. If he truly loves u more than this addiction he will do whatever it takes. If he refuses then I'm afraid u do need to walk away. It will get worse. Much worse if he doesnt x

Hiya Klaudia, so sorry to hear your predicament. What about suggesting a six month break? That gives him the opportunity to get himself 'clean'....but he needs to be able to prove to you with Bank Statements etc that he is nolonger gambling. It also gives you time to think about what you want. I know that I could not live with someone I could not trust. It would give you both time to reflect on what you want. If he loves you, he will be prepared to do it.

Freda08

Hi new name new start, yes all the time I think he was saing what I wanted to hear, but no help at all, not only, but he think he is stronger than his addiction. Not just that, but he is too proud as a person. Seem he was suffering a lot that he was losing us, but still I told him I cant belive him just with the word: "I will not play anymore" But he asked me to belive that, which I couldn't. So he took his clothes away from home, to live somwhere else. Do you think he will ever stop?????

Dear freda 08, NO he doesent accept any other version of our relation. There is no other way he told me: you stay or u dont stay with me. You belive or you dont. So he didnt let me any chance.

But its breaking my heart look at my little daughter crying after him, and also him crying too. And still he is so strong: he left as I am the GUILTY PERSON who took this bad decision for three of us. He dares to blame me, even though I keep saying too my self: It his fault, he had to be responsabile for his actions.

Not only, but I am scared that after he meet our girl today he did run to gamble, with the reason that he was depresed. Might be? After losing the family, can a gambeler play more?

I'm so sorry for the late reply hunni. I know you are hurting but please be strong. He is in the very very early stages of admitting his problem and by my own experience he has a long long way to go. It may look to you like he is strong and doesn't care but I promise u he does. Gambling takes u to a horrible place where u build up a huge wall and become almost devout of any emotion. But it's in there. He is hurting more than you know. He isn't ready to stop. He isn't ready to accept responsibility and face this and I really hate to say this but he isn't at his rock bottom. It will get worse before it gets better. U need to protect yourself and your children and only time will tell if your relationship can survive. He isn't a bad person. But he has lost his way and u cannot help him until he is ready to help himself. I hope things turn around for u and they will in time. X