hi I'm not sure how this usually goes but here goes I'm a 29 year old single mum of one who recently hit a new low due to gambling. In reality Iv had problems with gambling for a good few years but it comes and goes and for a long time there I thought I had it under control. Anyway over the last six months I lost my job and the gambling was to blame I borrowed money from my work and gambled luckily I won and paid it back but my boss was not happy and I was sacked. The next 2 months got really bad not only did I lose my income I was gambling my benefits and losing every time. I borrowed money from my best friend and gambled that too always chasing the win that would get me out the hole. One night after losing all my benefits on online slots I added my friends credit card to my Acc and deposited and I knew then I had hit new lows. He obviously found out and hasn't spoke to me since unless to call me a thief and told me we will never be together or even be friends. Iv lost him we were together everyday for 2 years and I messed it up. This has hit me hard my son dotes on him my I dote on him and he will never forgive me. Now I know I don't ever want to gamble again but it's the past I can't deal with what do u do when you mess everything up and there's no way back. What's the point of me changing and doing all this when I can't change what's happened.
Your username is wrong. You are not a "lost cause" at all. You made a few terrible decisions in the moment, in the past.
We've all done it. And we will all continue to do it. So don't beat yourself up about it.
The bond between a mother and child is sacred. Focus on that.
Men come and go, just the same as winnings and loses.
How about phoning your friend and offering a realisitic repayment plan - even if it's only a fiver a week, but just to show that you want to pay him back? If he's a good guy he will appreciate the offer.
Either way, please don't beat yourself up about it. It's not about what you've done, but about what you do from right NOW to try to be happier. x
Thank you I'm crying again reading this I just feel totally lost. I'm not this person. I paid back the money and it wasn't even a lot but still no forgiveness. But ur comment really hit home and I need to focus on sorting myself but it's just so hard. I just feel like curling up in my bed and never leaving it again. i guess I just need to know that things will get better because just now they don't look like they will xx
Trust is a hard thing to get back. I can only hurt people for so long before they say enough is enough. Are you getting any help? Counselling? GA? You could start by giving Gamcare a ring. Welcome to a cause with hope.
Yeah of course things get better. Nothing ever stays the same. Even the good times don't last. But that means the bad times don't last either.
I will spend all of tomorrow curled up in my bed, once what I've done tonight kicks in. But I'll get over it.
I'll get over it because tomorrow is always another day.
If I keep making the same mistakes then I'm worried my brain won't allow me that luxury. But that's just me.
Money comes and goes. It's just numbers on a page.
That's not to say it's an excuse to gamble, but ultimately money is bullsheet if you have love and forgiveness. And you are lucky - you have a child, someone who is still young enough to love you unconditionally. Focus on that.
Men, Bank Balances, Spinning Wheels. Bah!
Dig?
You sound like a good person. Believe in your quality. x
Youve hit rock bottom. U must go to GA..were people will extend the hand of friendship and support.
Its not too late for you and your not a lost cause . But you must stop feeding ur addiction ( take away all cash..must be sum1 u can trust)
Morning,
Sorry but I can't endorse the "you're a good person really so what you've done doesn't matter" advice. There's no point in beating yourself up to the point of thinking its irredeemable but it's as well to be realistic. Realistically, it does matter because you did know better but whilst in the throes of addiction you took money that wasn't yours and you hurt yourself, your employer and your good friend by doing it. It's not about how much or how little you took, it's that the addiction drove you to let yourself and others down, to breach trust. For the person on the receiving end, it matters. And it matters to you. It also matters that you are spinning your benefits. It all has to matter otherwise there would be no need to change.
None of which means your cause is lost. That's also a dead end path, it tells you that there's no point in changing because all is hopeless and you'll never manage it. It's another line of thought from an addictive thought process that allows the gambling to continue. The lost cause is nonsense. You absolutely can change your situation, for you, because you are worth more and precisly because you are a good person who has taken a wrong turn and who doesn't want this any more.
You have an addiction, it's pushed you towards bad choices but you can always choose recovery instead. You can choose to do, now, today and going forward, everything in your power to overcome the addiction. Barriers that will buy you time against the urges plus support from GC and GA. Whatever image GA has, one thing the programme addresses is guilt. And self improvement.
Hope you do turn things round, for you.
CW
Hi lost cause. Like another poster said, you are definitely not 'a lost cause' I am a 30 year old female CG. I have two children, and I have also spend our entire savings, got into £8000 debt, and feel like a huge failure to my family and myself. I am only starting to realise now that I cannot get my losses back, I cannot change what I have done, but I can change what happens next. It would be a great idea to set up a payment plan with your friend, and it will give you great satisfaction and strength to see the amount you owe go down each month. I borrowed a few thousand from my Aunty to clear a high interest debt I had racked up with gambling. Each month I see the amount I owe to her go down, and it gives me a good feeling knowing I am chipping away at it. I still have urges to gamble almost daily, but I'm trying to focus on my kids and family, and keep busy. You are not alone, so many people here have begged, borrowed, and stolen here to gamble. You are not a bad person, you just got caught up with a nasty addiction like the rest of us. You can do this! You can sort this out! Everyday you don't gamble look at your account on here and feel proud at those numbers in black which state how long you have been gamble free. Each day is a huge milestone. You can't turn the clock back, but you can regain control and get your life back. We are so young we have so much left to look forward to.
I was like you (the stories are nearly identical )I was on the brink of committing fraud but something at the 11th hour stopped me, I have been GF free for 2 months now and each day I see more and more reasons not to gamble. You are not a lost cause and in time people will forgive you if you are genuine about stopping, you have come to the right place and with Gamc are and fellow addicts you can beat this.
Hey lostcause0311, just checking in to see how you're doing. Hopefully today is a better day for you.
Keep smiling. x
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